How can I motivate my husband to lose weight?

[Anonymous]

DH is was a normal weight when we met... 205lbs, 6ft 2. I knew he had struggles with his weight previously, at one time being 275lbs. I'll admit I struggle too, but generally only up 10-20lbs then losing it. Anyway, he's now at 265lbs and has been there for over a year. We've been together 10 years and the last three with a new job that is quite stressful where he has put on the past 20lbs. He's had heart surgery too, which he at first said would change his life so he'd lose weight to be healthy. He's "tried" weight watchers but never really follows the program. He'll start and stop exercising. He loves to indulge on the weekends with drinking and eating, mostly for social reasons. He won't join a gym, and is mentally exhausted when he comes home and just wants to nap for an hour to refresh. He says he wants to drop the weight, but doesn't ever act. If he does, it last 2 weeks and he gets frustrated and stops.

I know you can't really "motivate" someone, they have to want to do it. How to help? Discussing his weight and how he is not succeeding doesn't help. Trying to be positive hasn't helped. I've offered to get him a trainer and he's not interested. Talking about his family history of heart problems doesn't go anywhere. What next???

No slamming me, just want him to be healthier so he's with me for another 40 years.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could figure out what you could do together that promotes a healthier lifestyle - such as you plan meals that are healthy, figure out new hobbies and ways to spend your time together that is active, etc. I know it's a lot of work for you, but once it becomes a habit, it might be sustainable for him.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children?

I have to be honest. If the man has children he loves, AND he has had heart surgery, AND he has had family members die (?) or at least had chronic heart problems .... I'm not sure that you can do anything.

He's had just about the biggest wake-up call known to (overweight) man and has chosen to ignore it. What, really, can you add to that?

[Anonymous]

Can you find a sport he'd like doing-- soccer, martial arts, whatever so it's not just exercising for the sake of exercising?

[Anonymous]

Exercise will help, but he really needs to get his eating and drinking under control. I wish I had good advice OP, but this is something he has to decide to do for himself. Although it wouldn't hurt to tell him that you're concerned about him and want him around. After that, you have to step back. You can probably help by not buying processed or fatty food, trying more meatless meals, and not keeping snacks and ice cream around. And, sorry to say, make sure he's well insured.

[Anonymous]

Try telling him that you don't care what he weighs, but that you would like him to eat better (more fruits and veggies, not less of anything he likes) and exercise regularly.

Maybe he'll lose weight, maybe he won't. But you need to make this about good habits and better health, not about appearances. You don't want him losing weight in unhealthy ways, right?

[Anonymous]

my husband was motivated by my weight loss. When I dropped 20, he thought he should be equally committed!

[Anonymous]

How about small incremental changes - cutting out some of the unhealthy food, cycling to work, taking the stairs rather than the lift? these can be easy to implement and not difficult to maintain, and once he sees progress he might be more motivated to continue and even take bigger steps?
It is hard when you have a tough job though - you feel like you deserve some kind of treats...

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for your suggestions. I do incorporate some of the healthy eating habits, but definitely need to try and encourage small steps towards exercise, less drinking, etc.

[Anonymous]

Take charge of meals. Eliminate all white flour.

Put out veggie appetizers every night (fill up while dinner is starting).

Sneak apples into his regimen (very filling, high in fiber)

Buy only whole wheat bread products.

If it were me, I would literally trash all the crap in our kitchen and start over with good stuff.

But the bottom line is, HE has to want it on some level. Otherwise, all you can do is control your reaction, but not his actions.

[JanieG]

I agree with everything people have said about improving diet/keeping only healthy foods in the house.

Maybe he needs to change jobs. This might sound out of the question, but if it's the source of his reasons for not making lifestyle changes, then maybe that's where the first change has to be.

Also, you can hire a personal trainer to come work you out in your home. That way he'll get some scheduled exercise and diet tips from someone besides just you. Good luck!