to be a SAHM or not... that is the question

[Anonymous]

We are awaiting the arrival of #2 next month... obviously once I have two children (#1 will be 22 months old when brother comes) I may change my mind... but DH and I were just throwing numbers around the other day, trying to see if staying home with the kids would be do-able.

I should probably put it out there right now that we aren't one of those couples on DCUM pulling in $200k+ each... seems like that's all I read about on here, but that's not where we're at. We also have a modest mortgage compared to most (small place in the suburbs) and no debt aside from our mortgage and two car payments ($240 and $320/mo... so not bad). We aren't in a walkable area, so we can't be a one-car family - so the bills we have now are here to stay for a little while. Basically, we pay mortgage, cars and normal utilities/insurance.

I make about $60k a year... daycare for the two will be about $25k a year. Clearly this is much less than others pay for daycare in say, NW or Bethesda, but it is a big chunk of change. I know that alone isn't reason enough to quit my job and stay home because we'd still have some left over after my paycheck.

Right now, we are pretty comfortable financially. We put a decent amount in savings and have no trouble paying bills... have a good amount of spending money. If I were to quit, we'd be left with about $1000-1200 a month after everything is paid. I know people survive on much less, but I'm wondering how realistic this would be? DH is projected to bring home more so that will increase with time, but as of right now that's what it would be.

We know it would be tight and we wouldn't be able to buy whatever we want like we do now... but I'm just interested to hear thoughts for/against it with regards to our situation. Perhaps I'll hear some valid points that we didn't think of!

[Anonymous]

Questions to ask yourselves:

Does your job provide benefits, such as health insurance, 401(K) or pension, or any other benefits? You need to factor those in.

Assuming you are planning on sending your kids to public school, the day care costs will be reduced/eliminated once they start school, although tyou may still have after/before care costs, those will be much less than full-time daycare.

Are you in a profession in which you can take time off and then re-enter without too much difficulty?

Will you be able to continue saving for retirement and your kids' college educations?

How important are vacations, the occasional night out, hobbies, gym memberships etc.? Some people can live quite happily cutting it close to the bone. Others cannot. Nothing wrong with either type, but you should figure out which one you are before you make decide.

Whatever you do, make sure you're BOTH on board with the final decision. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

read the feminine mistake before you make your decision. while she's definitely biased towards women remaining in the workforce, I think she does a very good job explaining the risks of dropping out of the workforce.

[Anonymous]

How safe is your husband job?

[Anonymous]

Financially, it sounds like you would be okay, at least for a few years.

I honestly couldn't tell from your post the real questions that will help you make this decision (in addition to the first poster's questions which were great) -

- do you like your job and would you miss it?

- do you work long hours? does DH?

- do you have flexibility?

- do you have a crappy commute without the option to telework at least once or twice a week?

Honestly, I have to work but even if I didn't, I probably would because I can answer all those questions with: I like my job, I would miss it, I don't work long hours nor does DH, I do have flexibility and when I don't DH always does, I don't have a crappy commute.

If I answered differently to any of those questions I might feel differently. If you do quit, I would advise you to think about staying connected IN CASE you want to or need to ever go back.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Have you concidered working part-time? I think the happiest of my friends tend to be the ones who have really been able to achieve that hard-to-attain balance of having time with their kids while having an identity that extended beyond "mom and wife."

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to ditto 15:22 and say that it is alot easier to stay in the workforce if you have some flexibility, don't have long hours or a terrible commute. Neither my DH nor I work long hours and both have flexible jobs, which makes it easier for me to stay in (money is a factor for us, we could probably swing it if I quit, but much easier if I stay in). My job makes it easy to take sick days for child-related illness and stuff so I don't have to stress about stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you concidered working part-time? I think the happiest of my friends tend to be the ones who have really been able to achieve that hard-to-attain balance of having time with their kids while having an identity that extended beyond "mom and wife."

So you know where I'm coming from, I don't want to over-idealize my suggestion. I kind of have this balance but I'm always working on it. I dont' expect it to ever be "perfect."

[Anonymous]

**yawn**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:**yawn**

That's helpful!

[Anonymous]

Agree with previous poster who recommended reading "The Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennetts before you decide.

[Anonymous]

How do you feel about your career and where do you see yourself in 5-7 years?

My career was going nowhere and I didn't even like it. Staying home was an easy choice. I know I'll start "at the bottom" when I eventually go back to work, but I plan to start over in another field so I wasn't losing much career-wise to stay home.

I agree its scary if your DH's job isn't stable. We thought DH's was (law firm) but that was before all hell broke loose. He ended up laid off in Jan. 09 and didn't find something permanent until Sept. 09. Luckily he found temp work and we had substantial savings, otherwise it would have been way scarier.

[Anonymous]

OP, i was in your exact shoes 2 years ago. I finally took the plunge and became a SAHM. Money was tighter than before- we loved getting take out but no more, we cut out luxuries, took driving vacations to family houses, etc. But all of it was TOTALLY worth it to our family. Being there for my baby the first year at home was incredible. Not always easy, and sometimes would drive me crazy but in general, a fantastic experience. I was able to see him grow, reach his milestones, etc and I felt this great bond with him. When he turned 14 months, I went back to work part time and now that he is 2 I am considering going back to full-time in a few months. But honestly, am not sure I will go through with it as I so look forward to spending the days I have off with him. If I was expecting another child (which DH and I are considering trying for) I would most definitley SAHM. At least for the first couple of years before thinking of going back. This time passes by so fast and I felt like I wanted to hold onto every day whereas jobs for me can come and go, but they are constantly some place hiring. That of course was my experience.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I should also add that I am in a very professional background (the medical field) so it may have been somewhat easier for me to feel like there will always be jobs (maybe not the ideal but something) in my field around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with previous poster who recommended reading "The Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennetts before you decide.

Also recommend you read "The Two Income Trap" by Elizabeth Warren


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