Expecting #2 and worried

[Anonymous]

I'm due with #2 in a couple months and our 1st DC will be 21 months when the new baby comes home. I am starting to worry about how #1 is going to handle the new addition. I'm starting to feel guilty about being pregnant with another baby (maybe I'm just hormonal). Can anyone with kids around this age range tell me what it's going to be like or have any helpful suggestions? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I think that it is normal to mourn the loss of your one and only when you add a new baby into the mix. You enjoy your time with the first one so much, and feel guilty to be disrupting his or her world.

I have two that are 3 years apart. We have our rough moments, but my daughter tells me that she's lucky to have a brother at least once a week. Her brother is only 7 months old, but he lights up when she walks into the room and shrieks with happiness.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel!! DD1 is 3 and DD2 is now 9 months. I was so worried/sad about how DD 1 was going to react, how was I going to love another baby as much as I love her, etc. etc. I have to tell you it has been SO much easier/better than I thought it would be. Maybe it's having two girls, or first born girl. I swear she thinks the baby is HER baby! She is such a good big sister, everyday I'm truly amazed at how much she loves her little sister (When DD 1 sees DD2 outside in the stroller at daycare she will leave her friends and sit with the stroller!). We never had any issues with her being jealous, hitting, wanting to send the baby back... alll those stories you hear. I will say she took it out on US those first few months. She was an angel to her sister, but a nightmare to us - tantrums, crabbiness, which even spread to daycare - which had never happend before. Fast forward six months, we're back to normal behavior at school & home - the girls are good buddies and I can't imagine life without the two of them. I don't think DD 1 could imagine life without her little sister. I just hope all of this continues!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is normal to mourn the loss of your one and only when you add a new baby into the mix. You enjoy your time with the first one so much, and feel guilty to be disrupting his or her world.

I have two that are 3 years apart. We have our rough moments, but my daughter tells me that she's lucky to have a brother at least once a week. Her brother is only 7 months old, but he lights up when she walks into the room and shrieks with happiness.

Totally agree with this. Mine are 2 years and 6 days apart and I cried when I went into the hospital to have #2 because I felt so guilty about not being able to spend all my time with my older son anymore. But....almost 10 months later, my older son is crazy about his baby brother and his baby brother saves his biggest smiles for his older brother. It has been tough, but my older son never once has been angry at his baby brother for taking time away from him. It has been an adjustment to juggle both and I do think #2 sometimes gets less attention just because my older son is so much more vocal about wanting my attention, but I look forward to the day when they can play together and I hope they grow up to be close.

[Anonymous]

Entirely normal reaction. Am pregnant now and DS will be 21 when new arrivals (in my case twins) arrive. I felt very guilty at the beginning of my pregnancy and have relaxed somewhat. I do think it is hard at first but in the long run you are providing your older child with an invaluable addition to the family - a buddy for life!

[Anonymous]

My two boys are 21 months apart. While they occasionally fight and have jealousy over my time... for the most part, they are BEST FRIENDS. They play together all the time. Last night they were driving me CRAZY running around the house giggling! So, just remind yourself... even though your child may not immediately think the new baby is such a great deal, he may grow to love him or her SO much!

But, here's the best piece of advice I got when I got pregnant with #2: Think about what you will NOT be able to do with #1 once #2 comes along (e.g., you won't be able to pick him up and hold him WHENEVER he wants you to... he may have to wait; or, he will have to walk himself to the car while you carry the baby)... make those changes NOW, so that he does not associate his new role (that he may not like) with the birth of his sibling.

The other thing someone recommended to me was to pack a little present for the big sibling in your hospital bag, so when he comes to visit and sees new presents for the new baby,... he will get his own "Big Brother" present.



But your concerns are well placed. I think it will all work out, but you're right to be sensitive to #1's feelings. As someone said, #2 never has an adjustment problem becuase they've never known life without their older sibling. Its the older sibling, who, in many ways, needs more attention and help to get through the adjustment period... but don't worry. I think it will all be fine, and when kids are that close together, just wait until they start to play with each other!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is normal to mourn the loss of your one and only when you add a new baby into the mix. You enjoy your time with the first one so much, and feel guilty to be disrupting his or her world.

I have two that are 3 years apart. We have our rough moments, but my daughter tells me that she's lucky to have a brother at least once a week. Her brother is only 7 months old, but he lights up when she walks into the room and shrieks with happiness.

Totally agree with this. Mine are 2 years and 6 days apart and I cried when I went into the hospital to have #2 because I felt so guilty about not being able to spend all my time with my older son anymore. But....almost 10 months later, my older son is crazy about his baby brother and his baby brother saves his biggest smiles for his older brother. It has been tough, but my older son never once has been angry at his baby brother for taking time away from him. It has been an adjustment to juggle both and I do think #2 sometimes gets less attention just because my older son is so much more vocal about wanting my attention, but I look forward to the day when they can play together and I hope they grow up to be close.

I could've written the same post. My two are 3 years (DD) and 6 months (DS), and they are so in love with each other. DD did have some adjustment issues which she mainly took out on me. I won't lie, it has been difficult sometimes. Particularly when I'm busy nursing the baby and DD wants me and then throws a tantrum. But it gets easier every day. I miss having more alone time with the baby, but I know he is getting a ton of attention between my husband and I, and his big sister, who dotes on him. Your concerns are totally normal. Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thank you all for such candid and encouraging words.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel but everything will totally work out and your oldest will now have a sibling which is amazing! It's so great when the baby is little b/c they are so entertained by just watching the older one. I don't have to do a thing as my baby prefers to watch his brother and sister all day! best of luck