Is it rude not to invite kids to a party if I didn't receive a TY note?

[Anonymous]

DD's birthday is at the end of the year. I am going to invite the whole class but I have a list of kids who did not send TY notes when we went to their party. I was going to not invite them to our party but now I have a few issues. I kept a list of who sent a TY and who did not. Does the rule about reciprocating a party invite trump not extending an invitation for not sending a TY?

DD will wonder why some of her friends are not invited. I think I should tell her why so she understands the importance of sending a card of appreciation. I would hope she tells her friends so the moms learn their lesson. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

is this for real?

[Anonymous]

good lord.

[Anonymous]

can't be.

[Anonymous]

?!?!

This can't be for real.

If it is, OP needs to get a life. And everyone who doesn't get invited should be extremely thankful to be out of range....

[Anonymous]

hahaha this has got to the funniest post I've read in a long time. On the off chance that it is serious, OP you're not inviting them because they didn't send a TY is MUCH more rude than them not sending a TY note. It's not the child's fault and they're the ones you are punishing. Besides your child attended a party where they had fun with friends, played games, ate cake etc. Isn't that enough for a reciprocal invite?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, there is no obligation to send a thank-you note if you thank the giver of the present in person (for example, if you open the present in their presence). Often people nowadays think you should, but in traditional etiquette it is not called for.

In addition, the obligation is on the guest to thank the party-giver, not vice-versa.

[Anonymous]

make sure you also don't invite any child who has not shared with Precious at some point, commented negatively about her behind your back (take others word on this) or ignored her in any way.

Hopefully she'll enjoy her solo party.

Seriously though - just worry about instilling good maners in your own child. Learning that she can't control the actions of others is a big part of growing up with a healthy attitude, not being spiteful.

[Anonymous]

OP, do everyone a favor: invite no one and give your child up for adoption.

[Anonymous]

C'mon, give her a break. I think she gets the message. A thank you card is important - an indicator of social grace and a thoughtful way of showing appreciation for a gift. Frankly, more parents should encourage their kids to get in the habit of doing this. We went to an acqauntance's party last year and gave both kids really really nice presents. Never got so much as a verbal thank you from parents or kids at subsequent social gatherings. I would be mortified if the tables were turned, so there you go. That's my 2 cents. My guess is that the OP is sensitive to this type stuff. That said, you really shouldn;t punish the kids (especially your own daughter being deprived of having kids she likes at her party) for their parents' shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

It would be incredibly rude. My kids write all of their thank-you notes, but every year a few cards are mixed up or never found . . .

[Anonymous]

Oh my.

[Anonymous]

If OP is serious, then I think she should incorporate making [thank you] cards as a craft at the party! Win-win!

[Anonymous]

I didn't write TY notes for my son's party this year and I still feel awful about it. We brought the wrapped presents home from the party, then I was upstairs putting his brother down for a nap, came down to find all the presents opened and scattered everywhere. I have no idea what came from whom. No, that doesn't excuse me from writing TYs, and yes, it was rude of me not to investigate and write thank you's anyway. I feel terribly guilty whenever I think of it. However, between my work and raising two kids, some things slip through the cracks. This was one of them. I think it would be terribly mean to punish my child for my own negligence.

Regardless, I think it's incredibly catty to even keep a list like this. Friendship isn't about keeping score.

[Anonymous]

I have never gotten a thank-you note from a child's birthday party. Admittedly, my child isn't even 1 yet, but we've still been to several parties. How often do people send thank-you notes?