unplanned pregnancy - fourth kid potentially - impact on marriage/relationship

[Anonymous]

My friend was the fourth child and always felt like her older siblings were parenting her. As an adult she hasa very difficult relationship with her parents and feels like they never got to know her as an individual. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Every argument made here in favor of having a 4th child would apply to a10th child. The fact that you'll love that spunky and special kid is totally a given. But if you thought having as many "blessings" as you could was ideal then you wouldn't have used birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from married couples who already have multiple kids on whether to keep or abort an unexpected pregnancy with a 4th child? (Outside of the pro-choice, pro-life discussion), If you decided to have an abortion, do you regret it and did it cause tension in your marriage? If you decided to have the kid, do you regret it and wish you had just stayed at one kid fewer? What was the impact and strain on a marriage? How is life with 4 kids and the health of a relationship?

Do you believe your parents "planned" you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an unplanned fourth (BC failure--but what difference does it make?). I had so many misgivings, and was very worried about my age and my ability to handle four--pretty much until the baby was born. Thankfully I wasn't worried about the financial part and, surprisingly, my husband took the news totally in stride. I am not going to lie, though. It wasn't easy. She was not an easy baby, super attached, wanted to nurse all night long. You know how everyone says that the youngests in big families will go with the flow because they have to? Not mine! You have to know and accept that the child might not have read the rule book about "bonus babies."
But for me, once I had her in my hands, everything changed and every misgiving evaporated. She is 8 now and is such a spunky, energetic character. I can't imagine life without her.

This makes your experience irrelevant to the OP.

Having a fourth would be a huge financial burden on OP, her DH and her existing children. There is zero safety net in this country. If you can afford a kid, you’ve already got 75% of the hardship. The rest is just getting your head around it and planning. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, as a single mom of one I am shocked by the number of married people who choose to have abortions. In my own personal life I know of only one person who had an abortion, and she was married with two kids. Her then-husband was very abusive. She ended up having two more kids but is now divorced. As far as I know she had zero regrets about her abortion.

I grew up in a family of 4 children, the last being unplanned when my parents were 40+. We love him but my parents were so exhausted from raising kids that by the time he came along, he just didn’t get as much attention. I’m the oldest, and his childhood experience was completely different from the rest of us who were born closer together. I actually feel bad for him.

In your own personal life you only know of one person willing to tell you about it. You're just unaware.

This is so true. I know a few other women who had abortions in college. If you met us now, we’re all nice happily married ladies living in the suburbs with our families. This isn’t something I share with my friends because it’s private.

You would likely include me in the people you know who never had an abortion. You would be wrong.