Are you happy as a SAHM of school aged kids? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

I have all that and still went back to work. I get 200k ipost tax a year but went back to full time work.


If this happens to you- imagine dating - oh- I’m just home all day, pass the wine. Snooze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use your imagination people. Things long-term SAHMs I know have done to fill the hours:

-lawyer volunteers at pro bono clinics and is reading every Supreme Court case ever written just for kicks
-one took up old interest in painting and after about 10 years of working at it has a gallery show coming up
-I know three who went to lots of writing classes and seminars and book clubs and writing groups and have published books that they wrote over the course of years
-a handful took Master Gardiner courses and volunteer at public school gardens, National Children's garden, Hillwood, British Embassy, and at least two of them started related businesses and one is starting up a related .org
-another handful took Master Naturalist classes and are volunteering in national parks, stream cleaning, teaching clubs in public schools, and volunteer environmental advocacy
- several turned their after school club volunteering into small businesses
-one learns a language through the year and takes the kids on a long trip to a country to practice the language each summer (she's on her third).
- one who is very religious runs prayer groups and volunteers all over the place
- one took up photography and is pretty darned good, and maybe will make money at if she wants to someday
-a bunch studying tech to try to keep one step ahead of the kids!

and so on. And sometimes they have a 3-hour lunch.

You have really interesting friends! I'm a SAHM too but the SAHMs I know aren't nearly as interesting--when I ask how they spend their time while the kids are in school they say grocery, gym, shopping. I'd love to make some new friends with such interesting hobbies/interests.

The way to do that is to go out and join a class or a group doin something you want to learn, then one thing leads to another and your circles start to grow. That list is all 3 degrees of separation and people I've met volunteering at various events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

And you sound bitter & jealous.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

Not everyone has that luxury. I had a very inflexible job, which is one reason why I choose to stay home. I was always told no to sick days, vacations and even doctors appointments. Often had to work an hour or two later than scheduled with no pay so it was an issue with child care. My family lives close by but I could be on my death bed and they would not help.

So you’re a single mom right receiving no child support ? That’s why just your salary covers the childcare expenses not both you and your husband’s? Otherwise I don’t understand why you completely left the workforce to stay home instead of just got a job that pays less with better hours?

If the bottom line is that they have less money when the mom is working, it doesn’t make sense for some families. Then they have the stress of 2 working parents, but less money. And in some fields it not that easy to just go out and find a new job, with better hours.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

Ok sounds doable! So how much $$ does breadwinning partner need, for dc area?

To live an UMC lifestyle? with multiple kids? vacations? activities, camps, possibly private school?

At least 500k but probably more like 750k plus

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

It's not just how much my partner would need to make, it's how much in assets I would be guaranteed if something happened to said partner or we divorced. That would need to be a hell of a lot.

Well there is life insurance in case of death, and a legal agreement in case of divorce. I don't worry about the latter. I think we'd need partner's income to be at least $300K.

Yeah, no. It would need to be a sizable life insurance policy, we'd need outstanding disability coverage and, for me, a post-nup. There's no way I'd assume fairness in a divorce, even in a "rock-solid" marriage.

You could get all of these things in an afternoon. It seems crazy to keep a full time job because you don’t have these things in place.

And yet, so many SAHM don't have them...

(Also, no, you can't get those things in an afternoon, not decent policies and a post-nup. Get real.)

Hands on time getting these things is a few hours. Maybe they take place over a month of back and forth phone calls, but it’s not difficult. And they last for decades.

Ok sounds doable! So how much $$ does breadwinning partner need, for dc area?

To buy life insurance? Or to support a family?

Support family and pay for college

What does it matter? OP and her husband feel that what he earns is enough. Whether it would be enough for you or not isn’t really the point.

[Anonymous]

I am home and my son is in kindergarten. I can always find something to fill my time, but I'm planning to look for something part time soon. I really like walking him to and from school and being there after school with him, but to be honest I do think "is this it?" when I think of just doing this forever. I am well educated and smart and enjoy intellectual conversation. Ideally I'll find something a few days a week or shorter hours that is stimulating for me. I know that I'm very lucky to have that flexibility.

For now though, I do all the housework, cooking etc. (that's sort of the tacit agreement since my husband makes the money) do errands, workout, and when I have time leftover I take on big house projects or personal projects. I don't ever turn on the tv, and rarely sit during the day. I'm far less sedentary than I was at my desk job. And we have weekends to do family hikes, activities, etc. because there isn't grocery shopping or other chores to be done.

Also - if anyone is seriously considering this - I would think about your community around you. There were lots of stay at home moms around me when my son was in preschool, but all my friends went back to work when their youngest hit kindergarten. If I have a community of friends who I could take walks with, meet up with, etc. I would probably feel a good deal less isolated.

[Anonymous]

There is no question -- I would be extremely happy! But only if I had enough money to feel secure about retirement and colleges for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am home and my son is in kindergarten. I can always find something to fill my time, but I'm planning to look for something part time soon. I really like walking him to and from school and being there after school with him, but to be honest I do think "is this it?" when I think of just doing this forever. I am well educated and smart and enjoy intellectual conversation. Ideally I'll find something a few days a week or shorter hours that is stimulating for me. I know that I'm very lucky to have that flexibility.

For now though, I do all the housework, cooking etc. (that's sort of the tacit agreement since my husband makes the money) do errands, workout, and when I have time leftover I take on big house projects or personal projects. I don't ever turn on the tv, and rarely sit during the day. I'm far less sedentary than I was at my desk job. And we have weekends to do family hikes, activities, etc. because there isn't grocery shopping or other chores to be done.

Also - if anyone is seriously considering this - I would think about your community around you. There were lots of stay at home moms around me when my son was in preschool, but all my friends went back to work when their youngest hit kindergarten. If I have a community of friends who I could take walks with, meet up with, etc. I would probably feel a good deal less isolated.

who doesn't grocery shop online?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am home and my son is in kindergarten. I can always find something to fill my time, but I'm planning to look for something part time soon. I really like walking him to and from school and being there after school with him, but to be honest I do think "is this it?" when I think of just doing this forever. I am well educated and smart and enjoy intellectual conversation. Ideally I'll find something a few days a week or shorter hours that is stimulating for me. I know that I'm very lucky to have that flexibility.

For now though, I do all the housework, cooking etc. (that's sort of the tacit agreement since my husband makes the money) do errands, workout, and when I have time leftover I take on big house projects or personal projects. I don't ever turn on the tv, and rarely sit during the day. I'm far less sedentary than I was at my desk job. And we have weekends to do family hikes, activities, etc. because there isn't grocery shopping or other chores to be done.

Also - if anyone is seriously considering this - I would think about your community around you. There were lots of stay at home moms around me when my son was in preschool, but all my friends went back to work when their youngest hit kindergarten. If I have a community of friends who I could take walks with, meet up with, etc. I would probably feel a good deal less isolated.

who doesn't grocery shop online?

NP, but I don’t always.

If I’m having a slower week, I don’t mind the store. Grab a coffee and just get it done, grab lunch after. It takes up a nice chunk of my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

My spouse makes $150K, and I stay home with one school age and one younger child. We live in a close-in DC suburb. We are thrifty but live comfortably, travel, etc. We save money nearly ever month, invest, etc. We have a life insurance policy for him, and most of our accounts are joint or in my name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

My spouse makes $150K, and I stay home with one school age and one younger child. We live in a close-in DC suburb. We are thrifty but live comfortably, travel, etc. We save money nearly ever month, invest, etc. We have a life insurance policy for him, and most of our accounts are joint or in my name.

With college pushing 100k per year, staying home on 150k seems irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am home and my son is in kindergarten. I can always find something to fill my time, but I'm planning to look for something part time soon. I really like walking him to and from school and being there after school with him, but to be honest I do think "is this it?" when I think of just doing this forever. I am well educated and smart and enjoy intellectual conversation. Ideally I'll find something a few days a week or shorter hours that is stimulating for me. I know that I'm very lucky to have that flexibility.

For now though, I do all the housework, cooking etc. (that's sort of the tacit agreement since my husband makes the money) do errands, workout, and when I have time leftover I take on big house projects or personal projects. I don't ever turn on the tv, and rarely sit during the day. I'm far less sedentary than I was at my desk job. And we have weekends to do family hikes, activities, etc. because there isn't grocery shopping or other chores to be done.

Also - if anyone is seriously considering this - I would think about your community around you. There were lots of stay at home moms around me when my son was in preschool, but all my friends went back to work when their youngest hit kindergarten. If I have a community of friends who I could take walks with, meet up with, etc. I would probably feel a good deal less isolated.

who doesn't grocery shop online?

Me? Also there are plenty of people there when I go, so ... them?

I feel like, based on your judgey comment, you would be the same person who would shame me for paying someone to deliver my groceries when I don't even work. As for drive up and go pickup, its not worth the hassle. Last time I did it, they left out 75$ worth of groceries and then you have to deal with the corporate 800 number to sort it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

My spouse makes $150K, and I stay home with one school age and one younger child. We live in a close-in DC suburb. We are thrifty but live comfortably, travel, etc. We save money nearly ever month, invest, etc. We have a life insurance policy for him, and most of our accounts are joint or in my name.

With college pushing 100k per year, staying home on 150k seems irresponsible.

Unlike PP, I have no judgment on the responsibility of someone else's financial decision. But I agree that $150k would be tight for us. My husband makes all in, a bit over 300 so we are fine for the time being, although I'll probably go back at some point to contribute. You can never have too much for retirement or college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?

My spouse makes $150K, and I stay home with one school age and one younger child. We live in a close-in DC suburb. We are thrifty but live comfortably, travel, etc. We save money nearly ever month, invest, etc. We have a life insurance policy for him, and most of our accounts are joint or in my name.

With college pushing 100k per year, staying home on 150k seems irresponsible.

Nice try. My parents have already taken care of that for us. All the more reason it’s so comfortable and easy staying home on my husband’s salary.