Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a house that is 15,000 sq ft, if you want to envision it:

http://mansionsandmore.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-lakefront-illinois-mansion-w.html

Sweet! Not my taste, but me and my kids would be running to that playdate, if invited there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you posters are really envisioning quite how big 15K sq feet is. Look at this house here. It is 9000 sq feet. Now imagine something almost twice as big. Is that really necessary? For a family of five, with in-laws who visit? The environmental footprint alone. . .

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/6319-Old-Dominion-Dr-22101/home/9410779

OP these are the people you don’t want to befriend on accident. You can usually tell them by their straight stance from the stick up their ass and scowl on their face. We can only say “bless their heart” when we pass them by.

You mean the sour PPs?

[Anonymous]

Now I'm spending my lunch break searching redfin for 15000 sq feet and above homes. There are a surprisingly large number of them in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a house that is 15,000 sq ft, if you want to envision it:

http://mansionsandmore.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-lakefront-illinois-mansion-w.html

Oh wow, with its own beach on Lake Michigan! That house is awesome even though all of the light fixtures are ugly.

[Anonymous]

Why not meet somewhere else? Someplace neutral? I think this works best for a lot of relationships, especially in the beginning. Op, I wouldn't assume it's your house. It may, though, be your entire lifestyle is it's entirety. Maybe. But that's sort of the other person's fault that they can't adjust. I'm sorry if the differences seem too great to the other person. I really don't understand it. Again, try to socialize in a shared, more neutral environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's a house that is 15,000 sq ft, if you want to envision it:

http://mansionsandmore.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-lakefront-illinois-mansion-w.html

Sweet! Not my taste, but me and my kids would be running to that playdate, if invited there.

Well, true. OP, take this into account: your new "friends" also may just be looky-lous, or hangers-on, or mooches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, but I would think our lives are too different that we would not find that much in common to connect over.

For example, the explanation: "different areas for the different kids " jumps out at me because I purposefully have two kids sharing a small room in a bunkbed because I think it's great to share a bedroom with a sibling because it helps foster flexibility, a close relationship, etc. To purposefully design large spaces for each child goes against what is important to me.

Furthermore, the fact that you have your children in public school also jumps out at me, because just about the only thing I will spend "extra" $$ on is: education. I have both my kids in private schools and we scrimp and save to do so. Education is our highest priority so spending $$ on a large house and yet going with tax-subsidized "free" education seems like an anomaly to ME.

Holy judgy judge, batman.

OP, I think the posters saying this type of thing are really jealous.

I do like the PP who stated "what does your house/wealth have to do with me?" - because that PP gets it. Not all of us are the same, and that is okay. In fact, of the friends I have, those with the biggest houses do have the best parties! They don't expect people who "live differently than them" (code for smaller house or whatever PPs are trying to get at) to reciprocate, and definitely do not "compete" in any way. The friends with the bigger houses are busy with their own lives, and are less judgy, so there is that.

PPs are jealous of the money but almost no one is jealous of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very large home (15,000sf). I have two much older kids and a new baby. I’m meeting some new moms and want to have them over but am afraid my house is too large.

When my older kids were younger, we lived in a smaller large house (8,000sf) and even then some people would comment on how large our house was.

I feel like one of the new mom friends I made dropped me after coming over. We used to chat about baby topics and trade advice. She stopped inviting me out and her texts have become really short. I know it could be a million other things but it happened right after she came over. Other moms joke about our different wings and servants. We don’t have servants, just a housekeeper. They will comment on how I don’t know what it is like since someone else cleans and does the laundry.

I have become so overly self conscious about this that I am afraid to host a play date in my home.

Am I totally overthinking this?
Would you not reciprocate if you went to a play date in a home that was too large?

Is this house to signal to the rest of your family that you have made it? Are you Indian or Hispanic?

[Anonymous]

I would think it was strange to have a house that large for 5 people, but I wouldn't give up on a friendship because of that. I am guessing there is also something about how you act in your home, or your use of space, or how you interact with the older children, housekeeper, or husband that strikes whoever is visiting as strange.

I think it's nice that you are essentially providing mini-mansions for your parents, but yes, if I went to a 15Ksf house, I would expect to see some of that extended family in residence, or I would expect that you were a society matron who gave regular charity balls, or you ran an equestrienne club, or something.

So you have one person who does all the housekeeping? Is this possible because there's so much unused space?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, but I would think our lives are too different that we would not find that much in common to connect over.

For example, the explanation: "different areas for the different kids " jumps out at me because I purposefully have two kids sharing a small room in a bunkbed because I think it's great to share a bedroom with a sibling because it helps foster flexibility, a close relationship, etc. To purposefully design large spaces for each child goes against what is important to me.

Furthermore, the fact that you have your children in public school also jumps out at me, because just about the only thing I will spend "extra" $$ on is: education. I have both my kids in private schools and we scrimp and save to do so. Education is our highest priority so spending $$ on a large house and yet going with tax-subsidized "free" education seems like an anomaly to ME.

Holy judgy judge, batman.

OP, I think the posters saying this type of thing are really jealous.

I do like the PP who stated "what does your house/wealth have to do with me?" - because that PP gets it. Not all of us are the same, and that is okay. In fact, of the friends I have, those with the biggest houses do have the best parties! They don't expect people who "live differently than them" (code for smaller house or whatever PPs are trying to get at) to reciprocate, and definitely do not "compete" in any way. The friends with the bigger houses are busy with their own lives, and are less judgy, so there is that.

PPs are jealous of the money but almost no one is jealous of the house.

Yes, that's true! I'll cop to that! I'd certainly take the $$ and do a million other things with it, other than buying a house like this!! So, that is what we are saying: the choice to use the $$ this way signifies a difference in life styles, morals, values, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very large home (15,000sf). I have two much older kids and a new baby. I’m meeting some new moms and want to have them over but am afraid my house is too large.

When my older kids were younger, we lived in a smaller large house (8,000sf) and even then some people would comment on how large our house was.

I feel like one of the new mom friends I made dropped me after coming over. We used to chat about baby topics and trade advice. She stopped inviting me out and her texts have become really short. I know it could be a million other things but it happened right after she came over. Other moms joke about our different wings and servants. We don’t have servants, just a housekeeper. They will comment on how I don’t know what it is like since someone else cleans and does the laundry.

I have become so overly self conscious about this that I am afraid to host a play date in my home.

Am I totally overthinking this?
Would you not reciprocate if you went to a play date in a home that was too large?

so those 8000 soft were really feeling tight, huh? you knew people thought 8000 was excessive, so what did you expect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very large home (15,000sf). I have two much older kids and a new baby. I’m meeting some new moms and want to have them over but am afraid my house is too large.

When my older kids were younger, we lived in a smaller large house (8,000sf) and even then some people would comment on how large our house was.

I feel like one of the new mom friends I made dropped me after coming over. We used to chat about baby topics and trade advice. She stopped inviting me out and her texts have become really short. I know it could be a million other things but it happened right after she came over. Other moms joke about our different wings and servants. We don’t have servants, just a housekeeper. They will comment on how I don’t know what it is like since someone else cleans and does the laundry.

I have become so overly self conscious about this that I am afraid to host a play date in my home.

Am I totally overthinking this?
Would you not reciprocate if you went to a play date in a home that was too large?

Is this house to signal to the rest of your family that you have made it? Are you Indian or Hispanic?

+1 or Middle Eastern?

[Anonymous]

I sort of imagine the end of Citizen Kane, where his wife is doing enormous jigsaw puzzles in front of an enormous fireplace, and there are corridors upon corridors of empty space ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's a house that is 15,000 sq ft, if you want to envision it:

http://mansionsandmore.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-lakefront-illinois-mansion-w.html

Sweet! Not my taste, but me and my kids would be running to that playdate, if invited there.

Well, true. OP, take this into account: your new "friends" also may just be looky-lous, or hangers-on, or mooches.

+1

This is what I was thinking - the gossip hounds sniffing around for stories to spin (no facts, just stories - and time, lots of time: "but they are just SO busy! HAHHAHAHA); or shallow power plays over the new mom who they might perceive as having it all, because she lives in a nicer house. OP, sometimes it is better to stick with your own kind, based on what I have read here. This is very informative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of imagine the end of Citizen Kane, where his wife is doing enormous jigsaw puzzles in front of an enormous fireplace, and there are corridors upon corridors of empty space ...

What is supposed to be in a corridor?