Isolated moms, why not get support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.

I think therapy can be great.

I also think this woman could already be in therapy, may not have issues with self esteem or self awareness, and have no major social skills deficits.

It's clear from OP's posts that she and other parents at the school have not been welcoming, and that the OP lacks social skills. There's no evidence this woman is in need of therapy -- she hasn't done anything that sends up a red flag. She seems fine. OP is sending up red flags left and right.

New parent events, introductions, and small talk are welcoming. If many people are able to take advantage of this in order to form connections, but one is not, that one person may have not want the connections (per example above).

However, sometimes, when people complain about not having a welcoming community, that person might be asking for is emotional validation and a safe place to be vulnerable. That’s what a therapist is for. That service goes beyond what a “welcoming community” can provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.

I think therapy can be great.

I also think this woman could already be in therapy, may not have issues with self esteem or self awareness, and have no major social skills deficits.

It's clear from OP's posts that she and other parents at the school have not been welcoming, and that the OP lacks social skills. There's no evidence this woman is in need of therapy -- she hasn't done anything that sends up a red flag. She seems fine. OP is sending up red flags left and right.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

Did you read the OP? Instead of taking steps to be inclusive to new families, OP’s idea is that the new families should go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do these things work for teens? Therapists don’t just tell kids to be friendlier. Nor do they call the principal and ask the principal to change the school culture. Instead, they ask teens to reflect on their actions or words and consider how they might have been perceived by others. They help them explore assumptions about what others might be thinking and provide insights into group dynamics.

Many angry responses seem to carry the assumption that therapy is something negative or something for people who are being judged. That's not the case. Therapy is for everyone, and people can go for any reason.

I don’t think that therapy is negative. And sure, a therapist can help someone who struggles socially or with relationships in a variety of contexts. You can work on anxiety or empathy.
But a therapist can’t really do anything for someone who generally doesn’t have trouble fitting in, but is struggling in this one particular situation.

In addition to anxiety and empathy, therapy provides a safe structured space for addressing low self-esteem, past negative experiences, building self-awareness, addressing maladaptive knee jerk reactions, or addressing lack of practice. The last one seems to be the biggest low-hanging fruit.

I think therapy can be great.

I also think this woman could already be in therapy, may not have issues with self esteem or self awareness, and have no major social skills deficits.

It's clear from OP's posts that she and other parents at the school have not been welcoming, and that the OP lacks social skills. There's no evidence this woman is in need of therapy -- she hasn't done anything that sends up a red flag. She seems fine. OP is sending up red flags left and right.

New parent events, introductions, and small talk are welcoming. If many people are able to take advantage of this in order to form connections, but one is not, that one person may have not want the connections (per example above).

However, sometimes, when people complain about not having a welcoming community, that person might be asking for is emotional validation and a safe place to be vulnerable. That’s what a therapist is for. That service goes beyond what a “welcoming community” can provide.

Right but it doesn't sound like there have been new parent events, introductions, or small talk. The event OP mentioned was not for new parents -- it was just a parent event and it sounds like it was mostly people who were established families talking to each other, and the new mom struggled to find a way into conversations with them.

Also, the mom didn't complain about the community being unwelcoming. What OP said is that the woman said her child had been having trouble making friends, and that part of the issue is that other kids have established friendships and it's hard to break in. This is extremely common for kids entering a school in a later grade. The mom wasn't talking about her own experience, but that of her child. I will also note that it's November. This would be a very normal state for the family to be in after two months at the school. It can take a year or more for new kids to really settle into a school.

There's no indication from OP's comments that this is a school where most families integrate easily and this one family is an outlier. Rather, it sounds like OP is observing extremely normal challenges of a family moving to a new school in a middle grade, and is extrapolating that there must be something wrong with the family. It is OP's attitude, and not what she describes with this other family, that is leading people to conclude the school sounds unwelcoming. OP sounds judgmental and unwelcoming, and since she's a room mom, this likely reflects the community. The other mom sounds normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

Why do people think it’s ok to diagnose people on the internet? Or are you using autism as an insult?

Why are you triggered? It’s common knowledge that people on the spectrum don’t understand normal social cues and lack empathy. Any normal person, like the majority of posters here, would understand OP’s interpretation of the new mom’s struggles is lacking in empathy and frankly, downright nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

Why do people think it’s ok to diagnose people on the internet? Or are you using autism as an insult?

Why are you triggered? It’s common knowledge that people on the spectrum don’t understand normal social cues and lack empathy. Any normal person, like the majority of posters here, would understand OP’s interpretation of the new mom’s struggles is lacking in empathy and frankly, downright nasty.

Nope. Nice try though. People on the spectrum do not inherently lack empathy. You could do some reading on that.

In the meantime, are you saying people on the spectrum are nasty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

Why do people think it’s ok to diagnose people on the internet? Or are you using autism as an insult?

Why are you triggered? It’s common knowledge that people on the spectrum don’t understand normal social cues and lack empathy. Any normal person, like the majority of posters here, would understand OP’s interpretation of the new mom’s struggles is lacking in empathy and frankly, downright nasty.

Lacking empathy and being hostile towards outsiders is actually, unfortunately, an NT characteristic. People mistakenly conflate “social skills” with “being nice.” Sometimes NT social skills means being very nasty indeed to those lower on the food chain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

Why do people think it’s ok to diagnose people on the internet? Or are you using autism as an insult?

Why are you triggered? It’s common knowledge that people on the spectrum don’t understand normal social cues and lack empathy. Any normal person, like the majority of posters here, would understand OP’s interpretation of the new mom’s struggles is lacking in empathy and frankly, downright nasty.

Nope. Nice try though. People on the spectrum do not inherently lack empathy. You could do some reading on that.

In the meantime, are you saying people on the spectrum are nasty?

Don’t forget that they’re also using “normal people” to mean, people not on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each year, 2-5 new kids join, with 10-15 in the entry year. If all of them faced challenges, I’d agree that there’s a broader cultural issue at the school. However, if it’s only one child struggling, the focus needs to be on that individual. If the parents are okay with the child being isolated, that’s their choice. But if a parent isn’t okay with it, and it’s clear they’re dealing with similar challenges but refuse to seek help, then there’s not much anyone at the school can do. No one at the school has the time or resources to act as a designated family friend, certainly not the class mom.

The question has been answered. MYOB was right.

What? Why on earth should the parents chit chat skills isolate their child?

Sometimes a child, through nature or nurture or both, inherits the parents chit chat skills. When this happens, it’s clear the parents have similar challenges as the child.

You sound like you’re on the spectrum. A social skills group would really benefit you honestly.

Why do people think it’s ok to diagnose people on the internet? Or are you using autism as an insult?

Why are you triggered? It’s common knowledge that people on the spectrum don’t understand normal social cues and lack empathy. Any normal person, like the majority of posters here, would understand OP’s interpretation of the new mom’s struggles is lacking in empathy and frankly, downright nasty.

Lack empathy? Are you confusing being autistic with being a sociopath?

[Anonymous]

if this post is real its disturbing.

Therapy?? We are talking about a new parent who doesn't feel comfortable breaking into groups of established friendships.

All it takes is one person to make eye contact and say hello. Without that, where is the entry without seeming like you are imposing?

Maybe OP should have said hello or tried to introduce the parent to the other parents? It starts with just one person and not being judgy saying they need to go to therapy.

GET OVER YOURSELF

[Anonymous]

The more I think about this the more annoyed I get. Op doesn't like that the mom gave up too quickly and sat with her husband. Was she supposed to spend the whole evening like a dog begging for attention? Op's ego must be off the charts. Maybe she found all of YOU boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more I think about this the more annoyed I get. Op doesn't like that the mom gave up too quickly and sat with her husband. Was she supposed to spend the whole evening like a dog begging for attention? Op's ego must be off the charts. Maybe she found all of YOU boring.

This was sort of what it sounded like to me. OP is seeing this interaction through the lens of someone for whom elementary school socialization is of paramount importance. Someone with a wider social circle outside of school, a demanding career, or other interests, might not consider a good use of bandwidth people not being chatty at a school event and find it perfectly. OK to sit with their spouse.