Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're getting pizza for 20, why not just get half with whatever meats people like, and half with just cheese or veg? No big deal.

No, it wasn't rude. They were not assuming people would remember how they eat (especially if you only eat with them once a year) and were trying to make things easy by offering to bring their own food.

By you saying "you are a better person than all of us" it's clear YOU have a chip on your shoulder and need to work on that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get worked up about dumb things too, but you are overthinking this and being overly critical. It's her way of reminding you and also not putting a burden on you and I think it's actually nice.

This. She’s fine bringing her own food. I would be ok with being asked.

[Anonymous]

Well while many DCUM clearly supports sibling's actions, 4 family members commented that we have always have a meal completely focused on the two vegetarians needs. They agreed it was an odd email or at least should have been worded differently. I feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right but really do you think I am going to invite you over and not serve food you will eat? It's a close relative not someone I only talk to once a year. There is a second vegetarian too. They are easy going about it. Oh don't worry ..I am fine with salad etc

My DD has had allergies since birth. They finally stopped making food with her allergies in it after 15 years of "forgetting". Friend is just asking and you shouldn't be offended.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, "they" are my In-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

'The usual pre thanksgiving pizza fest 'was the title of the email. As I said earlier I feel better after hearing from real people. You guys can continue if you like!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

You would really ask your sibling if you should bring your own meal every time you are invited over (when they serve a meal that is completely geared around your preference)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

'The usual pre thanksgiving pizza fest 'was the title of the email. As I said earlier I feel better after hearing from real people. You guys can continue if you like!

I get where you're coming from, since you've always been accommodating. I'm a vegetarian, and I can guarantee you that a large number of people who've hosted this relative have not been accommodating, and have not provided much of anything that the relative can eat. It's not personal, and the vegetarian relative is trying to be both low maintenance and make sure there's something they can eat. They probably do this kind of automatically for any gathering after being burned many times in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

You would really ask your sibling if you should bring your own meal every time you are invited over (when they serve a meal that is completely geared around your preference)

If it’s a meal for a large number of people who aren’t vegetarian, nor is the host? Absolutely. It’s the correct thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

'The usual pre thanksgiving pizza fest 'was the title of the email. As I said earlier I feel better after hearing from real people. You guys can continue if you like!

You added the fact about the email title 8 pages later.

You seem determined to feel superior towards a guest who just seems to want to be communicate clearly with you. This is very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relative is vegetarian. We always have pizza in the night before Thanksgiving. (About 20 oeople) We always avoid meat to keep this relative happy on pizza night They emailed tonight, will there be vegetarian options or should I bring my own food?

YES we remember your food preferences and as always are accommodating. We note that you are a better person than the rest of us! Why do we need to discuss it every time??! Do you do this to your friends every time you eat somewhere?

She is the more polite one here. She’s checking in on the plan. Maybe you decided to change it up this year. She’s offering to bring something for herself just in case.

What’s the problem? Does it hit some latent guilt you have about meat-eating?? I don’t get it.

'The usual pre thanksgiving pizza fest 'was the title of the email. As I said earlier I feel better after hearing from real people. You guys can continue if you like!

I get where you're coming from, since you've always been accommodating. I'm a vegetarian, and I can guarantee you that a large number of people who've hosted this relative have not been accommodating, and have not provided much of anything that the relative can eat. It's not personal, and the vegetarian relative is trying to be both low maintenance and make sure there's something they can eat. They probably do this kind of automatically for any gathering after being burned many times in the past.

People with allergies and restrictions seem to be damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Say something beforehand and apparently they’re just being annoying and secretly judgy. Don’t say anything beforehand, and they’re being annoying for springing this last minute on the host (and obviously still being secretly judgy in some way).

[Anonymous]

Vegetarian PP here, and if you're still reading this thread, OP, consider that things are always lose-lose for your vegetarian relatives.

-If you get a dinner invite and assume that you'll be accommodated, there's a chance you'll have nothing to eat. If you say anything or people notice that you're eating nothing, then you're viewed as being difficult or a poor guest. Or you make the host look bad. The host might be irritated with you for not reminding them of your dietary needs.

-If you get an invitation and politely ask if there will be vegetarian food, then the host may get offended, because of course they remember that you're a vegetarian, and they've always accommodated you in the past.

-If you bring your own dish to share, then you're rude for changing the host's menu or bringing an uninvited dish.

Really, the vegetarian relative was trying to be polite and low maintenance.

[Anonymous]

I would have replied “I got you covered” and never given it another thought. You are looking to be offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

OP is clearly a flustered, overwhelmed host who has no talent or capacity for entertaining. For experienced, good hosts who actually welcome people into their homes, this is not a problem at all.

Wow, My family has literally had the same pizza meal the night before TG for 10 plus years. It has always been fully vegetarian. I am not flustered or overwhelmed by ordering pizza. It is barely entertaining. DH suggested that all invites to sibling state that is will be a vegetarian meal so they know we have not suddenly forgotten. That is probably the way I will go.

Thanks for your thoughts DCUM. Enjoy your TG!

I get how it is annoying. You have made an effort to accommodate her every single year, and she is diminishing that concerted effort by reminding you. Like someone else mentioned, the word "still" would have acknowledged that you do always remember her preference.

That said, since she offered, tell her to go ahead and bring something and you'll have more pizza options.