Fiance made a troubling comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

To answer the above questions yes I am still a single mom of two kids. My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

My current fiance and I got engaged 3 years ago with the intent to get married however I am concerned about some behaviors and comments I am seeing from him lately.

To answer the other question even though he makes more than me no I am not financially reliant upon him. He makes about $230k annually and I make about $100k. We also purchased a house together locally as well as a condo overseas. So far that's the extent of our financial entanglements.

seems to me you are looking for his faults. we humans are not perfect creatures including yourself. i honestly don't know why he would want to marry you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you buy overseas?
Are you both US citizens or is one from that place? Family there?
An intent to marry at the time of engagement. Ok.
This engagement will last a loooong time.

We are both US citizens and have no connection to the country other than falling in love with it and deciding to purchase property there.

It's a country that we travel to several times per year. We love the people, culture, language, natural beauty of the land, food etc.

We don't speak the language fluently but are currently learning it.

This makes me jealous of people who are in a romantic relationship with someone other than the father of their children.
I wish I could travel with DH several times a year while the kids were with another parent who loves them and takes care of them 50% of the time.

Op here. It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Let me share my perspective. When we go trips with just the two of us and we are in airports, restaurants, hotels or any public places where I see in tact families interacting it makes me sad. It makes me sad bc I wish my children could be there with us. One time for example we were at the airport waiting to board the place and a gamily next to us had to younger kids. The kids were thinking they were going to see grandma in Texas. Right before it was time to board the family told the kids the truth that they were going on their first intl vacation out of the country. The kids were so excited and it made me sad bc I wished my kids were there.

Let me say this though I dont let my 50/50 custody schedule with my ex limit our travel. Sometimes we go on trips with just the two of us and sometimes we go with my kids and sometimes I take the kids out of the country by myself. I prefer to have my children with me whenever possible while traveling to share the experience and so they can see life outside the US.

My ex and I alternate Thanksgivings. This Thanksgiving the kids are with me. This Thanksgiving we also happen going to the country where we are building the condo and the kids will come too.

We just got back from there with the kids in July and they loved it. While there we did some mission work and handed out groceries and toys to families and children in impoverished communities. It was so nice being able to incorporate my own children in the experience while at the same time helping other families and children.

I can see the allure of what your saying about wanting to leave the kids with an ex while traveling with a new romantic partner. But when you have 50/50 custody you are already missing out on so many moments to create memories that I always want my kids to travel with me when possible because I feel that they are growing up so fast and I'm already missing out on 50 percent of time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you buy overseas?
Are you both US citizens or is one from that place? Family there?
An intent to marry at the time of engagement. Ok.
This engagement will last a loooong time.

We are both US citizens and have no connection to the country other than falling in love with it and deciding to purchase property there.

It's a country that we travel to several times per year. We love the people, culture, language, natural beauty of the land, food etc.

We don't speak the language fluently but are currently learning it.

This makes me jealous of people who are in a romantic relationship with someone other than the father of their children.
I wish I could travel with DH several times a year while the kids were with another parent who loves them and takes care of them 50% of the time.

Don’t be., usually these are shitty parents to their own kids. My ExH offloaded our SN kid 100% on me to travel with his AP , then with his multiple GFs. I bet he treats them similarly to how he treated our child. Screamed, nagged, puts down.

My child and I are so happy he’s out of our lives !

Oh, I meant having 50/50 custody and being able to travel while your kids were with your ex. Not leaving the kids with your spouse and traveling with an AP! That’s awful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you buy overseas?
Are you both US citizens or is one from that place? Family there?
An intent to marry at the time of engagement. Ok.
This engagement will last a loooong time.

We are both US citizens and have no connection to the country other than falling in love with it and deciding to purchase property there.

It's a country that we travel to several times per year. We love the people, culture, language, natural beauty of the land, food etc.

We don't speak the language fluently but are currently learning it.

This makes me jealous of people who are in a romantic relationship with someone other than the father of their children.
I wish I could travel with DH several times a year while the kids were with another parent who loves them and takes care of them 50% of the time.

Op here. It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Let me share my perspective. When we go trips with just the two of us and we are in airports, restaurants, hotels or any public places where I see in tact families interacting it makes me sad. It makes me sad bc I wish my children could be there with us. One time for example we were at the airport waiting to board the place and a gamily next to us had to younger kids. The kids were thinking they were going to see grandma in Texas. Right before it was time to board the family told the kids the truth that they were going on their first intl vacation out of the country. The kids were so excited and it made me sad bc I wished my kids were there.

Let me say this though I dont let my 50/50 custody schedule with my ex limit our travel. Sometimes we go on trips with just the two of us and sometimes we go with my kids and sometimes I take the kids out of the country by myself. I prefer to have my children with me whenever possible while traveling to share the experience and so they can see life outside the US.

My ex and I alternate Thanksgivings. This Thanksgiving the kids are with me. This Thanksgiving we also happen going to the country where we are building the condo and the kids will come too.

We just got back from there with the kids in July and they loved it. While there we did some mission work and handed out groceries and toys to families and children in impoverished communities. It was so nice being able to incorporate my own children in the experience while at the same time helping other families and children.

I can see the allure of what your saying about wanting to leave the kids with an ex while traveling with a new romantic partner. But when you have 50/50 custody you are already missing out on so many moments to create memories that I always want my kids to travel with me when possible because I feel that they are growing up so fast and I'm already missing out on 50 percent of time with them.

Man. That sucks. It sounds like you have made yourself pretty miserable.

If you are going to take international trips with your new live-in boyfriend while you leave your kids with your drug addicted ex boyfriend, you should at least try to have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.

We are. We both agree that we do not want any more children. His two children are 19 and 28. Mine are 12 and 14.

So based on that, and average ages of first birth for men and women, you are at least 15-20 years apart. Of course he's right thinking you are a gold digger. And jokes about.
Did you try dating men your age?

We are 12 years apart. I'm 42 and he's 54. I personally don't think that's too large of an age gap but everyone has their own opinion.

Ew, do you want to be wiping his a$$ in a few years? Why not date someone your own age or younger? You are too young to be tied to a sinking anchor like this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you buy overseas?
Are you both US citizens or is one from that place? Family there?
An intent to marry at the time of engagement. Ok.
This engagement will last a loooong time.

We are both US citizens and have no connection to the country other than falling in love with it and deciding to purchase property there.

It's a country that we travel to several times per year. We love the people, culture, language, natural beauty of the land, food etc.

We don't speak the language fluently but are currently learning it.

This makes me jealous of people who are in a romantic relationship with someone other than the father of their children.
I wish I could travel with DH several times a year while the kids were with another parent who loves them and takes care of them 50% of the time.

Op here. It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Let me share my perspective. When we go trips with just the two of us and we are in airports, restaurants, hotels or any public places where I see in tact families interacting it makes me sad. It makes me sad bc I wish my children could be there with us. One time for example we were at the airport waiting to board the place and a gamily next to us had to younger kids. The kids were thinking they were going to see grandma in Texas. Right before it was time to board the family told the kids the truth that they were going on their first intl vacation out of the country. The kids were so excited and it made me sad bc I wished my kids were there.

Let me say this though I dont let my 50/50 custody schedule with my ex limit our travel. Sometimes we go on trips with just the two of us and sometimes we go with my kids and sometimes I take the kids out of the country by myself. I prefer to have my children with me whenever possible while traveling to share the experience and so they can see life outside the US.

My ex and I alternate Thanksgivings. This Thanksgiving the kids are with me. This Thanksgiving we also happen going to the country where we are building the condo and the kids will come too.

We just got back from there with the kids in July and they loved it. While there we did some mission work and handed out groceries and toys to families and children in impoverished communities. It was so nice being able to incorporate my own children in the experience while at the same time helping other families and children.

I can see the allure of what your saying about wanting to leave the kids with an ex while traveling with a new romantic partner. But when you have 50/50 custody you are already missing out on so many moments to create memories that I always want my kids to travel with me when possible because I feel that they are growing up so fast and I'm already missing out on 50 percent of time with them.

Man. That sucks. It sounds like you have made yourself pretty miserable.

If you are going to take international trips with your new live-in boyfriend while you leave your kids with your drug addicted ex boyfriend, you should at least try to have fun!

My ex and I broke up 10 years ago when our kids were 2 & 4 yrs old. They are currently 12 and 14. The ex is also a better person now vs back then. He eventually got the help he needed. He is now settled and married with literally the nicest woman I have ever met in my life. I am so glad for the stability she brings to him and the children's lives.

[Anonymous]

It’s clear you have absolutely ZERO respect for marriage. Like, none. It’s meaningless to you. Beyond your comprehension.

That translates in your life to:

- zero respect or understanding of true commitment. You’ll dump your kids’ father figure over your hurt feelings over a comment.

Do your kids a favor and give them up for adoption; they’ll be better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you buy overseas?
Are you both US citizens or is one from that place? Family there?
An intent to marry at the time of engagement. Ok.
This engagement will last a loooong time.

We are both US citizens and have no connection to the country other than falling in love with it and deciding to purchase property there.

It's a country that we travel to several times per year. We love the people, culture, language, natural beauty of the land, food etc.

We don't speak the language fluently but are currently learning it.[/quote

Why wouldn't this country be the appropriate place for the "destination wedding" of his dreams? And many people have simple weddings after they've already been through it at least once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.

We are. We both agree that we do not want any more children. His two children are 19 and 28. Mine are 12 and 14.

So it's ok for him to be a single parent but not you? You should stop and read some of the stuff you wrote OP, and hopefully it opens your eyes a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.

We are. We both agree that we do not want any more children. His two children are 19 and 28. Mine are 12 and 14.

So it's ok for him to be a single parent but not you? You should stop and read some of the stuff you wrote OP, and hopefully it opens your eyes a bit.

She seems like a desperate PickMe, can't function without a man - no matter how dysfunctional he is. So sad for these kids involved.

[Anonymous]

8 pages of women trying to grasp the idea that men couldn't possibly view leftovers as equal to brand new.

Never change DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 pages of women trying to grasp the idea that men couldn't possibly view leftovers as equal to brand new.

Never change DCUM!

I am trying to grasp the idea that a man does not understand that if he classifies the best he can get as a leftover, he is classifying himself as a person who can only get leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 pages of women trying to grasp the idea that men couldn't possibly view leftovers as equal to brand new.

Never change DCUM!

People aren't left overs, and the only brand new people are infants. Your awful view of humanity, and especially women, is quite telling.

[Anonymous]

Being offended is silly. I'm a single mom with two kids. Of course it decreases my dating market value, and yours, and this singer's. So what? I'm hot, fit, smart, nice, interesting, independent, tall, energetic, and lots of other great things going for me that other women may not have by comparison. Not everything about me - or anyone - is going to be ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes sense. Majority of people would agree. The only thing that is weird is why he told you.

+1
The thoughts and opinions that people hold in reality are far, far different than what people verbalize to your face.
DCUM has thankfully taught me this lesson well.