Close friend had a party and didn't invite me. How do you deal with the hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

If she asked what your plans were, she was probably considering inviting you. Edge cases are always hard. You probably aren’t central to her friend group, but if it’s any consolation, she probably spent some time thinking about how to make space for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the BIG HURT over one single event. I would also assume the friend who asked you if you were attending, probably told the hostess of her error.

I would not assume that at all. A person blundery enough to do this isn’t going to admit it. The hostess probably has no idea the OP knows. I am sure she had reasons. OP, are your kids smaller? One likely reason is that littler kids change the vibe and they may have just invited older kid families so no one needed babysitting/watching. Younger kid moms don’t realize how big the gap is for the older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

what did you say your plans were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

If she asked what your plans were, she was probably considering inviting you. Edge cases are always hard. You probably aren’t central to her friend group, but if it’s any consolation, she probably spent some time thinking about how to make space for you.

Op here. She invited the friends I introduced whom she has known just a few months.

When she asked me what my plans were I said we had no plans really and we're just going to be cleaning the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

what did you say your plans were?

I said we had no real plans so will be doing some clean up in the house.

[Anonymous]

More proof that women never stop being 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "hey, what's up? You have a party and you invite X, and Y, and Z. And you don't invite me? You call and pretend all is ok. And never mention it? What the h*ll is going on?"

If the relationship is going down in flames anyway, don't let this happen with you staying silent. I think. Imo, that's what I would do. I'd rather "go out" mad and feeling more empowered.

And if the friendship isn't going down in flames, that's a great way to light the match.

[Anonymous]

If this was a really good friend, I would call and ask what the deal is.
If just a casual friend I would have a party and invite everyone but her. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

what did you say your plans were?

I said we had no real plans so will be doing some clean up in the house.

Did you ask her what her plans were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

If she asked what your plans were, she was probably considering inviting you. Edge cases are always hard. You probably aren’t central to her friend group, but if it’s any consolation, she probably spent some time thinking about how to make space for you.

Op here. She invited the friends I introduced whom she has known just a few months.

When she asked me what my plans were I said we had no plans really and we're just going to be cleaning the house.

Social climber is my guess. She wanted their full attention, and likely had some fantastic yarns to spin and it might have been embarrassing for you, someone who knows her well, to be there and witness. She's a taker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

If she asked what your plans were, she was probably considering inviting you. Edge cases are always hard. You probably aren’t central to her friend group, but if it’s any consolation, she probably spent some time thinking about how to make space for you.

Op here. She invited the friends I introduced whom she has known just a few months.

When she asked me what my plans were I said we had no plans really and we're just going to be cleaning the house.

You answered this question but not the one about young kids. Do you have them? Does she? How do the kids all get along?

My nephew is a holy terror. Even my mom, his grandma, thinks twice before inviting him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

If she asked what your plans were, she was probably considering inviting you. Edge cases are always hard. You probably aren’t central to her friend group, but if it’s any consolation, she probably spent some time thinking about how to make space for you.

Op here. She invited the friends I introduced whom she has known just a few months.

When she asked me what my plans were I said we had no plans really and we're just going to be cleaning the house.

You answered this question but not the one about young kids. Do you have them? Does she? How do the kids all get along?

My nephew is a holy terror. Even my mom, his grandma, thinks twice before inviting him.

Same question…I have friends I would probably not have invited in this situation because their kids are younger and feral. Last time they came over one of them shot my elderly deaf cat with a Nerf gun and the other ripped the toilet paper holder out of the wall in my bathroom. I was a little shell shocked and won’t be inviting them again soon. I really like the parents but I need some time for their kids to mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me not so long ago. It really sent me down a shame spiral. But I got out of it in part by thinking about Mel robbins’ let them theory. Look it up — she even talks about being left out of a mom vacation as an example. The person who left me out is decently friendly to me still and I just react as I would to a casual friend. Definitely never said anything about the party an never will.

Op here. Thank you! I will not be saying anything about the party if she calls me.

To another PP who asked what milestone event - it was their anniversary party. I guess that's why I felt hurt - that the new friends were invited and us left out. If this was a casual party I would not have cared because everyone cannot be invited to every party. I honestly don't know why she even bothered to call me just a few days prior. This was definitely not an oversight. She asked my what my weekend plans were.

Our spouses are friends too, kids are friends even if different ages.

What threw me off was we had invited her family just a few months ago and everything seemed fine. We have been chatting a lot by phone too since then.

If she asked what your plans were, she was probably considering inviting you. Edge cases are always hard. You probably aren’t central to her friend group, but if it’s any consolation, she probably spent some time thinking about how to make space for you.

Op here. She invited the friends I introduced whom she has known just a few months.

When she asked me what my plans were I said we had no plans really and we're just going to be cleaning the house.

You answered this question but not the one about young kids. Do you have them? Does she? How do the kids all get along?

My nephew is a holy terror. Even my mom, his grandma, thinks twice before inviting him.

OP here. We both have teens in high school. Hers are older than mine. The new friends have kids in middle school and high school.