Where are the best places to approach women in public?

[Anonymous]

Is it weird that the title of the thread is creepy? I mean, you shouldn't have to "approach" strangers in public. Once upon a time, it was literally taboo and would ruin reputations. We aren't that backward, but still, you should have some sort of connection or introduction to a person you are interesting in dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lately I've been going to some political and business networking functions. I can't believe how many women have approached me. I'm a 50 something single man and these are middle aged women, some older than 60. They haven't asked me on romantic dates but they've asked me for coffee. What they do and say feels a little ambiguous. I guess that's what people mean when they say they like to meet partners organically.

OMG it's a business networking function -- are you actually thinking this is a romantic invite for coffee? What is wrong with you? Do you think the men who talk to you at these functions want to date you too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lately I've been going to some political and business networking functions. I can't believe how many women have approached me. I'm a 50 something single man and these are middle aged women, some older than 60. They haven't asked me on romantic dates but they've asked me for coffee. What they do and say feels a little ambiguous. I guess that's what people mean when they say they like to meet partners organically.

OMG it's a business networking function -- are you actually thinking this is a romantic invite for coffee? What is wrong with you? Do you think the men who talk to you at these functions want to date you too?

Such a good point! The context clouded my judgement.

You are right!! PP is that very mediocre guy who thinks, “She wants it.” 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lately I've been going to some political and business networking functions. I can't believe how many women have approached me. I'm a 50 something single man and these are middle aged women, some older than 60. They haven't asked me on romantic dates but they've asked me for coffee. What they do and say feels a little ambiguous. I guess that's what people mean when they say they like to meet partners organically.

OMG it's a business networking function -- are you actually thinking this is a romantic invite for coffee? What is wrong with you? Do you think the men who talk to you at these functions want to date you too?

I dunno, maybe no men at all are asking him to a coffee date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women don’t want to be approached. They prefer to complain about being alone since they don’t approach either.

I hate this narrative. The reality is that as a women you always have to be concerned about physical safety and you always have to be concerned how a guy will react if you turn him down. I don’t owe anyone a date. Just as men can have physical preferences and they would ask out someone they are attracted to, I am fully in my right to date someone I am attracted to. Full stop. Now I fully get why OLD is so popular, even if it’s to meet the person who is sitting next you in the same room because then you hope at least - yes attracted to each other and it’s easier to say no and feel safer. Though online you still have to be careful how you say no to a date - there are people that will go off and write craziness.

So when people say don’t make it creepy - it needs to feel safe to interact and they have to feel comfortable enough to say no and you won’t go off on some red pill diatribe or curse them out. I met my now DH and a bbq with mutual friends. That was the perfect environment for me and I was thrilled he asked for my phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people did not work this out and get over their fears in high school.

I remember building up my courage, approaching a girl to ask for her phone # after class. I didn't think I might have to see her everyday for the next three years! She might tell her friends and she'll laugh at me! My friends might find out and laugh, etc.

I'm Gen X so maybe a little older than most of the posters here.

The “me too” movement didn’t exist back then. The current generation has been raised to be more careful and respectful. They are less courageous because they have so much more to lose. They don’t want to take a risk in public when they can do it on dating sites.

There is a big difference between talking to someone and risking a me too moment if you don’t know the difference, please don’t talk to women. At all.

[Anonymous]

Not the gym or where she works (waitress/barista etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people did not work this out and get over their fears in high school.

I remember building up my courage, approaching a girl to ask for her phone # after class. I didn't think I might have to see her everyday for the next three years! She might tell her friends and she'll laugh at me! My friends might find out and laugh, etc.

I'm Gen X so maybe a little older than most of the posters here.

The “me too” movement didn’t exist back then. The current generation has been raised to be more careful and respectful. They are less courageous because they have so much more to lose. They don’t want to take a risk in public when they can do it on dating sites.

There is a big difference between talking to someone and risking a me too moment if you don’t know the difference, please don’t talk to women. At all.

No. The point is any interaction with a random woman could turn in to a problem for a man. No one is talking about me too which is rape. We have all seen the TikTok videos of women going out of their way to embarrass men. We all know women who would lose their sh#t if a man talks to them.

It is stupid to attack men for “not having courage” to approach a woman when the women saying this never approach men because they are afraid of rejection. This is without the additional possibility of being filmed and laughed at. This shows a lack of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people did not work this out and get over their fears in high school.

I remember building up my courage, approaching a girl to ask for her phone # after class. I didn't think I might have to see her everyday for the next three years! She might tell her friends and she'll laugh at me! My friends might find out and laugh, etc.

I'm Gen X so maybe a little older than most of the posters here.

The “me too” movement didn’t exist back then. The current generation has been raised to be more careful and respectful. They are less courageous because they have so much more to lose. They don’t want to take a risk in public when they can do it on dating sites.

There is a big difference between talking to someone and risking a me too moment if you don’t know the difference, please don’t talk to women. At all.

No. The point is any interaction with a random woman could turn in to a problem for a man. No one is talking about me too which is rape. We have all seen the TikTok videos of women going out of their way to embarrass men. We all know women who would lose their sh#t if a man talks to them.

It is stupid to attack men for “not having courage” to approach a woman when the women saying this never approach men because they are afraid of rejection. This is without the additional possibility of being filmed and laughed at. This shows a lack of empathy.

No… this response is incredibly paranoid.

Also, if you’re not doing anything wrong and have a healthy sense of self - laughter shouldn’t be bothering you. We all get rejected sometimes.

if someone is going to film you that’s not the right person for you so it’s not a loss. You are able to stop the interaction if it’s not going well. And when you have good people skills that comes naturally. Thinking everything is going to become some viral online moment is not a good way to live.

[Steve2020]

Anonymous wrote:A place where there are lots of other people around. Women never know if a man approaching them is a creepy weirdo or is trying to sell them something.

Not when she is busy trying to do something else.

This is the answer, don’t over think, and limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I want to be approached, I'll go to a cozy pub and get an appetizer/drink alone at the bar.

Ew. That guarantees that a bunch of horny, creepy guys will be swarming all over you. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

You have no game if you do this. Get in a social environment where people are open to conversation and take your chances.

[Anonymous]

Any regular club activity where people attend on a regular schedule. You see the same people and over time you acknowledge them by saying hi and then you start to chat. Think a yoga class or anything like that. Be friendly to the group early on and eventually you can make a connection….or not. Fitness/sports oriented are ideal because you have a common interest and you can see what someone really looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any regular club activity where people attend on a regular schedule. You see the same people and over time you acknowledge them by saying hi and then you start to chat. Think a yoga class or anything like that. Be friendly to the group early on and eventually you can make a connection….or not. Fitness/sports oriented are ideal because you have a common interest and you can see what someone really looks like.

Ugh, no thank you. I am doing those things because I genuinely like the activities and am trying to learn/appreciate new things. I’m trying to get in better shape *for me.* it is hard enough to find good groups, gyms, classes, etc. Please don’t ruin it for me by asking me out! That’s not why I’m there. If I want a date, I’ll use the apps, but please don’t ruin my hobbies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lately I've been going to some political and business networking functions. I can't believe how many women have approached me. I'm a 50 something single man and these are middle aged women, some older than 60. They haven't asked me on romantic dates but they've asked me for coffee. What they do and say feels a little ambiguous. I guess that's what people mean when they say they like to meet partners organically.

OMG it's a business networking function -- are you actually thinking this is a romantic invite for coffee? What is wrong with you? Do you think the men who talk to you at these functions want to date you too?

I dunno, maybe no men at all are asking him to a coffee date.[/quote
I'm the guy who posted. I'm 99 percent sure the women I was talking about were asking me to meet for coffee in a way that was supposed to be a coffee date with plausible deniability. A few women moved our conversations really quickly toward divorce, kids, etc., and two sent me a lot of texts that felt like dating app texts. One of them, who changed our meeting from afternoon coffee to evening drink, looked disappointed when I mentioned that I was in a relationship. I also got asked by one woman to meet for coffee in a way that sounded very much like a networking coffee: "we should talk about blah blah blah professional topic." I was smart enough to realize that she wasn't asking me on a coffee date. Men don't ask me to meet as often as women do but, if they do, it doesn't feel flirty.