S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

Disagree with premise. There are not “SO MANY” men who assault women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

Disagree with premise. There are not “SO MANY” men who assault women.

Huh? There literally are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

This poster was not a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

Disagree with premise. There are not “SO MANY” men who assault women.

There are far more men who assault women (and men) than there are women. 80% of violent crimes are committed by men. For sexual crimes? 94%. I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

This poster was not a good parent.

You really think that every single male who commits a crime had some sort of awful childhood? Many had normal, caring parents. This isn't some sort of poverty problem you can ignore and think it will never happen to you. Men of all backgrounds commit crimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

This poster was not a good parent.

You really think that every single male who commits a crime had some sort of awful childhood? Many had normal, caring parents. This isn't some sort of poverty problem you can ignore and think it will never happen to you. Men of all backgrounds commit crimes.

Where did I say this? I said THIS POSTER was not a good parent.

[Anonymous]

How is your DS going to protect himself in this scenario? He met a girl at a frat party, took her back to the dorm room and had consensual sex with her. The next day, someone labeled her as a wh_re, so she reported to campus police that your son raped her. Regardless of the outcome, your DD's reputation is already damaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

Even conservative loon “Dr.” Laura says people should not get married until the age of 25. That’s how crazy you are—even Dr. Laura thinks that’s too young for marriage.

What's going to change in two years? If they're not committed, they should have been exploring options.

OMG seriously go away.

You already said it's none of your business so bye bye.

NP

There was an episode of Dr. Phil on today that brought up how dating for this long isn’t good. I.e. if you have to spend this much time talking yourself into it, it’s probably not meant to be.

Reminded me of my cousin who took 11 years to get engaged and married, started dating in their teens. Marriage lasted about two years. Now they’re happily remarried with someone else.

High school sweethearts that last do happen though, even if it’s extremely rare.

Food for thought 🤷‍♂️

Parent of the male here.

- "dating this long", should they have been engaged at 18?
- they were both in college. She isn't finished because she's working and paying for it herself. She has her first required degree for her line of work. The next part requires two more years in school.
- he graduated in June. They have a plan. They are both the kind of people who plan everything, and this is how they are handling getting married. I expect a short engagement once it happens.
- They are not living together.

I don't understand people's problem with this,but that's OK. Usually on here people are losing their minds if someone gets married under 25 - 27.

Your son and his GF sound very mature. They'll probably be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your DS going to protect himself in this scenario? He met a girl at a frat party, took her back to the dorm room and had consensual sex with her. The next day, someone labeled her as a wh_re, so she reported to campus police that your son raped her. Regardless of the outcome, your DD's reputation is already damaged.

Hookup culture is so awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least for me in one instance I didn't think my son obtained affirmative consent so I report him to the police.

I don't believe you.

How would you even know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your DS going to protect himself in this scenario? He met a girl at a frat party, took her back to the dorm room and had consensual sex with her. The next day, someone labeled her as a wh_re, so she reported to campus police that your son raped her. Regardless of the outcome, your DD's reputation is already damaged.

I have a DS at a school that's been in the news for sexual assault problem, and unfortunately, the answer is that he doesn't take her back to his dorm room in the first place. Fair? No. But it's the world we live in right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP- I have both girls and boys and certainly believe it is my job to help them all protect themselves.

1) same with the girls be aware of your surroundings at all times
2) if you feel uncomfortable, walk away, and by all means control your emotions
3) ensure consent, if you can get it in writing or video - this includes touching, kissing, sex
4) be careful who you surround yourself with, this includes boys and girls

You're insane.

THat's about the only way for boys to truly protect themselves from an accusation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your DS going to protect himself in this scenario? He met a girl at a frat party, took her back to the dorm room and had consensual sex with her. The next day, someone labeled her as a wh_re, so she reported to campus police that your son raped her. Regardless of the outcome, your DD's reputation is already damaged.

I have a DS at a school that's been in the news for sexual assault problem, and unfortunately, the answer is that he doesn't take her back to his dorm room in the first place. Fair? No. But it's the world we live in right now.

Even if they have consensual sex in her dorm room, she can report him to the police later that he raped her. It is a no win situation for guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

Disagree with premise. There are not “SO MANY” men who assault women.

There are far more men who assault women (and men) than there are women. 80% of violent crimes are committed by men. For sexual crimes? 94%. I'm not sure what you are disagreeing with.

The majority of violent crimes are committed by persistent, repeat offenders. So no, there are NOT “so many” men out there assaulting women (and men).

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3969807/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I want to thank you for posting. You are getting some nasty comments, but there are SO MANY men who assault women. Probably quite a few of the posters on this thread. They don't want to admit it, or want to blame the woman, but it comes down to the men. They can be raised by great parents, and still end up raping or assaulting someone. It serves no one to brush it under the rug. I'm sorry your son is a predator, it cant be easy to live with that.

Disagree with premise. There are not “SO MANY” men who assault women.

Huh? There literally are.

No there LITTERALY aren’t. Perhaps stop hating men and you’ll see that.