DH having affair but not home yet from “work”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put an air tag on his vehicle

Illegal

In Virginia, Washington D.C., and Maryland, placing a GPS tracking device like an AirTag in someone’s car without their knowledge or consent is generally illegal under privacy and anti-stalking laws. Virginia explicitly prohibits this under Virginia Code § 18.2-60.5, while D.C. and Maryland address it through stalking and harassment statutes. In D.C., unauthorized tracking likely violates its Stalking Statute (§ 22–3133), and in Maryland, it could fall under the state's stalking law (§ 3-802). Exceptions exist if you own the vehicle or have consent from the owner, but unauthorized tracking with malicious intent could result in criminal charges. I think you are allowed to place a tracking device if you own the vehicle, and one could make the case that it’s material property regardless of title.

Lol lawyer here. Sometimes people with a little knowledge are so very un knowledgeable. You think a prosecutor wants this case? No. Nor does a family court. Op can put the air tag on. Arguably it’s her car too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

OP what’s your plan here?

I don’t have one. Right now it’s to just work, take care of my child, and try to make it through the day enough to want to stay alive and figure out what the hell to do. Isn’t that enough?

It is. Get your ducks in a row. Take care of yourself and daughter. Do nothing for him.

I’m sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

But it is not his choice. If you divorce, it is YOUR choice. Many people stay married. Most do.

This is the biggest crock of sh** I've read on here. Cheating is breaking a covenant. The remedy for breaking a contractual covenant is termination, and in my opinion, the remedy should also include damages, which can be addressed in a prenup. The non-defaulting party doesn't have "blame" in this situation. The person who intentionally broke a covenant bears 100% of the responsibility for the fallout.

Tell me you aren’t a lawyer without telling me you’re not a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

You guys don't have Life 360 on your phones?

I don't know a single person that doesn't have Life 360 in 2024, especially since it's free.

NP. We don't. Does that mean my spouse is cheating?

NP. No idea what life 360 is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

You guys don't have Life 360 on your phones?

I don't know a single person that doesn't have Life 360 in 2024, especially since it's free.

NP. We don't. Does that mean my spouse is cheating?

NP. No idea what life 360 is.

It’s a location sharing app on the IPhone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

You guys don't have Life 360 on your phones?

I don't know a single person that doesn't have Life 360 in 2024, especially since it's free.

NP. We don't. Does that mean my spouse is cheating?

NP. No idea what life 360 is.

I also don’t have it. Maybe when my kids are older and they get phones?

Anyway, OP I’m so sorry this is happening. I don’t have any advice but I’m sending you supportive thoughts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

Ugh. You sound like a Jerry Springer guest, OP. You're so focused on the impending drama and wanting to hurt him or whatever that you are losing focus on your priorities. Number one is your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

You guys don't have Life 360 on your phones?

I don't know a single person that doesn't have Life 360 in 2024, especially since it's free.

NP. We don't. Does that mean my spouse is cheating?

NP. No idea what life 360 is.

I don’t have it; I don’t need some random company knowing my family’s location 24/7. Apple is bad enough for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the 180?

Originally a Mormon TikTok/momblog fad with about 100 rules on how to make your husband chase you to win you back and save your marriage after he chested.

Now it just means anything that gives the wife Girl Power vibes.

OP here - I’m no Mormon or trad wife type, but I like the basic idea behind many of the “rules” in the 180, from the standpoint that it does support not engaging in drama and moving on for myself. I don’t think it will bring him back in any capacity - but it will help me get my wits back about me and just care less about what he’s doing. I can either sit here and feel crazy, or sit here and figure out how to move on, even if that means pretending for a while that I’m okay. Fake it to make it, right?

At the moment if feels good to have a set of rules to follow simply so I can survive the day and not feed into any more of the emotional chaos I’d really like to.

I would like my old life back, yes, but the reality is that life is gone, even if we end up together in the end.But that’s also out of my hands right now.

There it is, buried in OP's post. She is still holding out hope that she can stay with this guy. Please OP, wake up. Make a plan for your own future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

He doesn’t have to tell you anything if you wanna divorce just start the divorce process and stop making drama. You’re only gonna have a worse divorce if you wanna divorce if you go down the path of litigation and you need basically photos to prove adultery and it doesn’t matter you’re not not gonna get more custody and you’re not gonna get more assets so if you wanna divorce, just get a divorce.

This.
The court will only stamp an order. They aren’t throwing you a pity party. If there’s no financial reason to draw this out get it over with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

Ugh. You sound like a Jerry Springer guest, OP. You're so focused on the impending drama and wanting to hurt him or whatever that you are losing focus on your priorities. Number one is your child.

Hi GenX-er.
This post made me laugh.
And then wonder what the milliennial/GenZ equivalent to this show will be as their touchstone for low-class crazy…
What a wild era that was!

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m going to be blunt because you are not thinking with clarity.

Wake TF up. Do not put a tracker on anyone’s car until YOUR LAWYER tells you it’s ok. Do what YOUR LAWYER says regarding documentation of financial and the infidelity. Speak to as many lawyers as you can in addition to YOUR LAWYER, that makes it harder for your cheating husband to get representation. Did you notice anything? YOUR LAWYER. You need one yesterday.

Do not tell your children anything. Prepare not to tell them about the affair. Judges hate that and if he wants to fight at all on custody, that will weigh against you heavily.

Don’t sleep with him. Pretend you have a treatment resistant UTI. Get tested for STDs (you’ll need to do it again in 6 months).

Calm and secrecy are good, but this 180 thought process is insidious. It is designed to “win back” your husband so you don’t lose your preferred place in the Celestial Kingdom. It’s not doing you any favors.

[Anonymous]

Op is there an update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

You guys don't have Life 360 on your phones?

I don't know a single person that doesn't have Life 360 in 2024, especially since it's free.

NP. We don't. Does that mean my spouse is cheating?

NP. No idea what life 360 is.

It’s a location sharing app on the IPhone.

And non-IPhone. I don't have it. I'm fine not knowing where everybody is or having them know exactly where I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

Stop kissing and hooking up with him now. Protect yourself. HPV is real and he’s probably catching it or has already caught it.

Best of luck figuring out your next practical steps.