Spending Mother's Day with MIL- WWYD

[Anonymous]

Why do you refer to MIL’s relatives as hers?

“Her niece” is your cousin in law.

“Her family” is YOUR family.

I don’t have much sympathy for you because you sound selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

Agreed.

OP sounds selfish and petty.

[Anonymous]

OP is clearly not selfish and petty. She’s literally hosting a huge baby shower the day before with the same people. Do you have any clue how much work that is? And she has young children.

This is definitely a DH problem. You already told him what you wanted. Stand firm. I’m firmly in the camp that the active mothers are the ones who need to be celebrated the most of Mother’s Day. Send some flowers and a nice card. And celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want too. But on Father’s Day, the same rules apply. You celebrate however your DH chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly not selfish and petty. She’s literally hosting a huge baby shower the day before with the same people. Do you have any clue how much work that is? And she has young children.

This is definitely a DH problem. You already told him what you wanted. Stand firm. I’m firmly in the camp that the active mothers are the ones who need to be celebrated the most of Mother’s Day. Send some flowers and a nice card. And celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want too. But on Father’s Day, the same rules apply. You celebrate however your DH chooses.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly not selfish and petty. She’s literally hosting a huge baby shower the day before with the same people. Do you have any clue how much work that is? And she has young children.

This is definitely a DH problem. You already told him what you wanted. Stand firm. I’m firmly in the camp that the active mothers are the ones who need to be celebrated the most of Mother’s Day. Send some flowers and a nice card. And celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want too. But on Father’s Day, the same rules apply. You celebrate however your DH chooses.

Agree 100%

+2. You will have done enough over weekend. DH and kids celebrate YOU on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

Agreed.

OP sounds selfish and petty.

What’s selfish is dictating how 3 days in a row are spent. OP agreed to go with what MIL had planned for Friday and Saturday. MIL is steamrolling OP’s plan for Sunday. She doesn’t need to be a martyr and let MIL have her say the entire weekend. It’s petty and selfish to act like some old fashioned matriarch who has final say over how the weekend will be spent. OP gets to have 1 day with her immediate family, that is totally reasonable.

But she does have a DH problem if he isn’t taking her side in this and is still bowing down to what mommy wants him to do.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you wanted to spend any of your weekend being roped into free labor with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. Why did you agree to any of this in the first place? Would you have felt shamed, pressured, and unsupported by your husband if you didn't give in to his mother's demands? Do you have difficulty asserting your own needs in the face of others? I feel like this might be a small snapshot of a bigger issue of you being too much of a people-pleaser at the expense of yourself. You may want to explore strategies to learn to assert yourself in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you wanted to spend any of your weekend being roped into free labor with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. Why did you agree to any of this in the first place? Would you have felt shamed, pressured, and unsupported by your husband if you didn't give in to his mother's demands? Do you have difficulty asserting your own needs in the face of others? I feel like this might be a small snapshot of a bigger issue of you being too much of a people-pleaser at the expense of yourself. You may want to explore strategies to learn to assert yourself in therapy.

Not you again.🙄

[Anonymous]

Oh my. Stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

Agreed.

OP sounds selfish and petty.

What’s selfish is dictating how 3 days in a row are spent. OP agreed to go with what MIL had planned for Friday and Saturday. MIL is steamrolling OP’s plan for Sunday. She doesn’t need to be a martyr and let MIL have her say the entire weekend. It’s petty and selfish to act like some old fashioned matriarch who has final say over how the weekend will be spent. OP gets to have 1 day with her immediate family, that is totally reasonable.

But she does have a DH problem if he isn’t taking her side in this and is still bowing down to what mommy wants him to do.

Agreed. The issue here is that OP pretty clearly communicated with the scheduling of the shower that she wanted to keep Sunday free after putting together this major event. Then MIL decided to host a Sunday event that OP can't plausibly skip because she INVITED OP'S PARENTS. This is jerk behavior. It's not that OP doesn't value family and is centering everything on herself - she is spending two days hosting a massive crowd!

[Anonymous]

First of all I think it's nice that you're being "roped in" to your cousin-in-law's baby shower. I 100% guarantee I wouldn't even be invited to such an event because I'm not "FaMiLy" despite 12 years of marriage.
Secondly you should absolutely stay home alone on Mother's Day. I usually stay home and my husband tells his family "J works so hard so it's a treat for her to be alone for the day." If they think I'm a jerk I neither know nor care. Take a bath, read, nap, get your favorite lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get where you're coming from. I really do. BUT can you reserve a make-over Mothers Day (weekend!!) for yourself the following week?

NP. F that. You either stay home by yourself ( that would be my preference) or u tell DH to man up and tell his mom you all have plans for Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get where you're coming from. I really do. BUT can you reserve a make-over Mothers Day (weekend!!) for yourself the following week?

NP. F that. You either stay home by yourself ( that would be my preference) or u tell DH to man up and tell his mom you all have plans for Mother’s Day.

+1. The kids are his responsibility that day, including getting them dressed and out the door. You sleep in and do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is primarily a DH problem.

There is no way in h*ll my DH would agree to this.

I'm close with his mom. Yet early on in our relationship he pulled some move in which I was left entertaining his mom after he got what he needed (I don't even remember now what it was). I explained, "Your mom is difficult, I take one for the team in nearly every interaction, but you cannot use me to get what you need, then leave me with your mom. That's a hard no and next time I will call you out in front of her."

It's never happened again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get where you're coming from. I really do. BUT can you reserve a make-over Mothers Day (weekend!!) for yourself the following week?

NP. F that. You either stay home by yourself ( that would be my preference) or u tell DH to man up and tell his mom you all have plans for Mother’s Day.

+1. The kids are his responsibility that day, including getting them dressed and out the door. You sleep in and do what you want.

Yes, it’s Mother’s Day! Let’s spend it without the people who made us moms…