DH has directed us to shovel off the deck - AITA

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

That's absurd. In the very unlikely event there is an emergency, they can walk through the snow.

Not so easily if it ices over, which is what he said he concern is.

It's almost like OP is stamping her feet and demanding to be lazy. Is this request interrupting her viewing of the Price is Right or something? Does she need more bonbons? It was a perfectly reasonable request. I would absolutely task my teenager with chores on a snow day. Or maybe the teen is wasting time on the TikTok or some shit like that.

That’s absurd. If it ices over, you can stamp on it. His “concern” is ridiculous and not worth validating.

But I live where I currently have a foot of snow and it is below zero. I am used to the stuff and don’t lose my mind over a few inches of white stuff like OP’s DH.

You sound exceedingly difficult. Like you're a difficult and petty person. I'd divorce your fat ass if I was unfortunate enough to be married to you.

Remember when you got married and took your vow and promised to obey your husband? This is one of those times you need to do what he directs.

WTF? I'm Catholic, not a denomination known for being particularly liberal and even Catholic wedding vows haven't included "obey" since the 1970s.

I would expect that the percentage of people posting here who promised to "obey" in their wedding vows is pretty tiny.

-- DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he physically disabled? That is a man's job.

No, he is strong. Much, much stronger than I am.

What kind was man asks a 16 year old girl and middle aged woman that do that. What a jerk.

Sounds like maybe a man who is at the office while his teenager and lazy wife lounge around the house.

So it's a punishment? A big FU? Here's a pointless, non sensical task because I'm mad that I had to go to the office today? That makes more sense than the idea that a few pounds per inch need to be moved off a deck that is engineered to code standards.

No, it's not a punishment. It's not a big FU. It's a perfectly reasonable request to clear snow off a surface. Presumably the deck is an emergency exit of sorts for the house? I think the compromise here is clear a path for an exit in an emergency.

That's absurd. In the very unlikely event there is an emergency, they can walk through the snow.

Not so easily if it ices over, which is what he said he concern is.

It's almost like OP is stamping her feet and demanding to be lazy. Is this request interrupting her viewing of the Price is Right or something? Does she need more bonbons? It was a perfectly reasonable request. I would absolutely task my teenager with chores on a snow day. Or maybe the teen is wasting time on the TikTok or some shit like that.

That’s absurd. If it ices over, you can stamp on it. His “concern” is ridiculous and not worth validating.

But I live where I currently have a foot of snow and it is below zero. I am used to the stuff and don’t lose my mind over a few inches of white stuff like OP’s DH.

You sound exceedingly difficult. Like you're a difficult and petty person. I'd divorce your fat ass if I was unfortunate enough to be married to you.

Remember when you got married and took your vow and promised to obey your husband? This is one of those times you need to do what he directs.

What a bizarre post. Why are you calling this person fat? Why does anyone have to "obey" a man? I certainly didnt have this in my vows. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

He asks. You do it if you can otherwise decline. When both people know other tries their best, hearing no isn't a big deal. If other person knows that you've an excuse for everything, it becomes annoying.

You can't bother to learn to load dishwasher, do laundry, clean deck, throw trash, you seem to have an excuse or justification for everything. Its fair if you don't want to but then increase earnings and hire help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH texted myself and 16 YO DD..."I'd like you two to tag team to get the snow off the deck. It's going to freeze tonight so I'd like that taken care of. Thx"

We got about 4 inches of snow. The deck is fairly large.
The deck is perfectly strong, no structural issues.
We are generally not using the deck, as, you know, it's winter.
He might use a small area of the deck near the house to grill IF the weather is nice, which at this time it is not. I could see clearning that off in case the weather gets nice enough to grill. But then, the snow would melt by itself.

DH has a history of being overly picky and controlling. Can't put jeans in the dryer because "too noisy". Gets upset if there are dishes in the sink, or you haven't loaded the dishwasher the way he wants. He will unpack it and reload it. We are not "allowed" to put small bowls on the top shelf, those must be placed on the bottom. We started using paper cups to reduce dishwasher complaints and now he complains about the paper cups taking up space in the trash. It's endless. I could go on and on.

This seems like an insane request to me. Who goes outside to move 1000 pounds of snow around a perfectly sound, unused structure if it's not necessary for some reason? What am I missing?

DCUM, AITA?

I think you are just looking for trouble or trolling us. He didn't "direct" you to shovel. He "asked' you. If he said "get your fat a$$ out there and make sure it done before I get home" yes, I'd say he directed you. Drama queen. Obviously, you are strong enough for DCUM. LOL

There is no "asking" in the above text. There is no please. There is no question mark. There is no question. This is a text my boss might send me.

[Anonymous]

I would probably ask the kid to shovel a path — from the door to the ground or to the grill and if he complained say just say “oh we thought that’s what you meant because there would be no reason to shovel the whole deck”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He asks. You do it if you can otherwise decline. When both people know other tries their best, hearing no isn't a big deal. If other person knows that you've an excuse for everything, it becomes annoying.

You can't bother to learn to load dishwasher, do laundry, clean deck, throw trash, you seem to have an excuse or justification for everything. Its fair if you don't want to but then increase earnings and hire help.

op said she loads the dishwasher, does laundry, throws trash… it just has to be done his way. Personally if I want someone to do chores in my house I don’t complain about how they do it. Just as long as it gets done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-
You've clearly been married many years to this person. This isn't new behavior. The real question is why haven't you figured out how to manage this nonsense? You should know how to respond and what to do/not do. Instead you're crowd-sourcing here with an AITA.

Because I have my own mental and emotional issues that cause me to question EVERYTHING. Most of the time I am left completely baffled by the behavior of others, not just my DH. I just do NOT understand why most people care about the things they do, get upset about the things they do, I am always left feeling like my evaluation of a situation is completely and totally off compared to others. So even though I am pretty sure most of the time that his clanky jeans, paper cups and dishwasher loading complaints are nuts, and it's not me, it's him, there are still times when I am left wondering, AITA?

And as you can see by a few of the responses on this thread, some people do think he's the reasonable one.

So since there's an anon forum where I can ask, I did.

No one has said he’s the reasonable one to ask you. No one. He’s an ass to ask and via text. It’s not totally ridiculous to shovel some of the snow but why can’t he do it or offer to both do it.

[Anonymous]

Your are just sitting around the house.. what's the big deal. I think the 16 yr old can do it alone. I did my whole driveway this am in under 30 mins and I'm 56.
Yes - you are TA big time.

[Anonymous]

Both have to obey and honor each other to work as a team. Its not a matter of ego when you are partners and have to deal with life issues including house chores, cooking, parenting, maintenance of house, earning living, etc etc. Obviously there are going to be conflicts and arguments but being fair and not being egotistical helps.

[Anonymous]

You could have been done by now. What's the big deal? It's not hard and you are lazy.

[Anonymous]

Useless lazy woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably ask the kid to shovel a path — from the door to the ground or to the grill and if he complained say just say “oh we thought that’s what you meant because there would be no reason to shovel the whole deck”

May be that's what he actually meant. Quick texts lack intention, tone and details so can be confusing. What's the norm for snow cleaning? Obviously this is not the first snow of your lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Useless lazy woman.

Lol who has a job, makes more money, takes care of the kid, and tries to do other chores ( when her husband is not complaining about them). Ok pp whatever you say

[Anonymous]

I hate when women blame their laziness on not being strong or having a stronger DH.

I'm 5'1". I shoveled my own sidewalk, and 2 adjacent neighbors' sidewalks. I also cleared ALL the snow off my car, including the roof. It took like 15 minutes max.

Shoveling is great exercise, and actually kind of fun.

[Anonymous]

Your city slicker husband needs to understand that 4 inches of snow is nowhere near the amount of weight that would threaten a structurally sound deck. He sounds like a wuss and needs to chill out. Also the tone of his text - he’s not PM you report to. Huge eye roll on that.

Signed, Colorado girl who rolls her eyes at everyone freaking out over 4 inches.