Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that’s the best thing about being a modern woman, you get to choose what you want to do! I changed my last name because I though my husband’s was more interesting than my maiden name.

I have a very feminist child and I asked her if she wishes she had my maiden name as her surname. She wrinkled her nose and said “I don’t love my last name but thank you for not giving me yours.”

Seriously I couldn’t wait to get a different last name. My brother actually dislikes it too and he changed his to our mom’s last name. Its not terrible, like Buttkiss or something, but still.

I think that there is a patriarchal element to it for sure but I also think that making it a pet issue like some women do is a little odd, tbh. What about the wage gap? Paid parental leave? Abortion rights? Women in Gaza? Not saying we can’t care about multiple things at a time but I feel like judging women for taking their husband’s surname (like some women do) is weird and inappropriate.

The OP said "I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this." This quote is a judgement of women not taking their husband's surname. I would never tell a friend or an acquaintance that she's wrong for taking her husband's surname, but the OP posted her opinion on a public forum and so did many other people in this thread. Those of us who don't want to change our surnames are also within our rights to express our distaste for the tradition.

And yes, we can care about multiple issues at once which is why we can both criticize the restriction to abortion right as well as the expectation that women change their names. Your brother is a great example of someone changing their surname because they didn't like the one they had. He didn't have to get married to make the change. The fact that virtually only women change their surnames, and only do so when they get married, is very telling. If their surname was the problem they would have changed it to something else soon after turning 18, marriage or no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

Who cares though? Who exactly does the prospect of being mistaken for a divorcee or classified as “difficult” “matter” to? It’s not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Absolutely all of this!

My kids have my last name as their middle name.

You sound very out of touch OP. "Fancy careers"?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

As someone who divorced, it's so annoying to have to change your name back. It just adds to the frustration of the situation and makes me feel like I changed my name for nothing and am going back to being a young adult again or something. It also makes it hard to date again keeping your ex's last name. I wish I had just kept my name. Maybe hyphenated it. You can still be part of "insert family last name" and not have that be your last name. No one cares anymore.

[Anonymous]

Lol weakest trolling attempt I’ve seen in awhile

[Anonymous]

It’s a PITA. I have multiple bank accounts, two bar licenses, a passport, DL, global entry, a house, a car, you name it. Too much trouble to change all that. I use my married name socially but I’m not bothering with the legal side.

[Anonymous]

Please also do not-the name. It is very irritating. You have to fit this giant name with the dash that often doesn't work for email and other logins and everything and most forms don't accept that long of a name. And what happens. If your children another – another – is just out of control, just please stop it. It's ridiculous. Just use the husband's last name and be over with it

[Anonymous]

Can we all agree that Mrs Larlo Johnson is awful. What is your name? All that tells me is that Karli Johnson is married to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA. I have multiple bank accounts, two bar licenses, a passport, DL, global entry, a house, a car, you name it. Too much trouble to change all that. I use my married name socially but I’m not bothering with the legal side.

This is how I would have preferred to have changed my name.

[Anonymous]

I changed my name, but if I could go back I wouldn't have bothered. It was a ton of paperwork and it doesn't seem to matter anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please also do not-the name. It is very irritating. You have to fit this giant name with the dash that often doesn't work for email and other logins and everything and most forms don't accept that long of a name. And what happens. If your children another – another – is just out of control, just please stop it. It's ridiculous. Just use the husband's last name and be over with it

Sorry but no. (Don’t assume that there’s a “the husband” involved in all marriages either, please and thanks.)

Your expectations are so archaic—sad!

[Anonymous]

I am not my husband’s property so I did not take his name. I have no desire to give up my identity. (Save your “but you have your father’s name argument, it doesn’t hold up.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

This post seens trollish.

OP, you said you "can't wait to change [your] surname" and "can't " ypur kids having a different name. You've implied that you don't have a big career. So what's the problem? Why does it matter to you if some random women kept their name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

I'd never change my name under any circumstances.

Regarding children, I know some families where the husband took the wife's name and they gave the kids her name as well, some where both kept their names and the kids were given his, some where both kept their names and the kids were given hers, some where the kids got some kind of hybrid or hyphenated name, and of course some where the wife took the husband's name and the kids got his name as well.

With respect to causing problems down the road, I will say that my job (with a salary paid by taxpayers) is made extremely complicated by women changing their names, changing them back, changing them again upon re-marriage and so on.
And the reality is that many children grow up with their mothers and they both bear the surname of someone who isn't in their lives.

But ultimately you can do whatever you wish. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding!

[Anonymous]

I did keep my name because of my profession, but it also felt right to me. It has never caused any problems of any kind.