DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is wrong with Colgate or W&L? Both excellent schools. OP’s DH sounds awful—choosing prestige over his child’s mental health and happiness.

This.

And the people on this forum who are siding with DH highlight how narcissistic and status-obsessed this website is. Which is pretty obvious if you spend even 30 seconds on the college forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Does your husband make all the decisions in your household? I don’t see why his opinions matters on this. He needs to respect his daughter’s decision, and you need to get him to that place.

His opinion matters because it can’t be done unless he pays, nitwit.

If DD decides to flout his wishes then he does not have to “respect” that in the sense of paying for it.

[Anonymous]

OP take care of your daughter. What about Davidson? If she wants to stay north what about Hamilton? Seems like she is very smart but wants a more nurturing place. Also what exactly is wrong with Colgate and WL-I consider those great schools. You should remind your husband if he keep acting this way his daughter will not forgive him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Does your husband make all the decisions in your household? I don’t see why his opinions matters on this. He needs to respect his daughter’s decision, and you need to get him to that place.

His opinion matters because it can’t be done unless he pays, nitwit.

If DD decides to flout his wishes then he does not have to “respect” that in the sense of paying for it.

But who parents like that? Disregarding the voices of his “partner” and adult child??

He is not king.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Does your husband make all the decisions in your household? I don’t see why his opinions matters on this. He needs to respect his daughter’s decision, and you need to get him to that place.

His opinion matters because it can’t be done unless he pays, nitwit.

If DD decides to flout his wishes then he does not have to “respect” that in the sense of paying for it.

But who parents like that? Disregarding the voices of his “partner” and adult child??

He is not king.

Typical female attitude: “my money is my money, your money is our money.” 🙄

If he has the money and strongly believes his wife and daughter are making a profound mistake then yes he is the king and nobody else gets a vote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't like NYC too. It's not just Columbia. This is why it is so misleading to judge the culture and social environment of a school based on a short visit.

It could be this.
The problem may not be a highly ranked academic school. It may just be Columbia/NYC is not her cup of tea. I went to an Ivy in an urban area which I generally liked, but I absolutely hated Columbia. Hated it when I visited a friend back during college, still hated it when we toured it for DC.

Interesting that you hate Columbia. Why? It is a nice campus - an oasis in the city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cornell is a very high pressure environment and weather is worse. Transferring there seems like a mistake.

Exactly. Talk about jumping from the fry pan into the fire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is wrong with Colgate or W&L? Both excellent schools. OP’s DH sounds awful—choosing prestige over his child’s mental health and happiness.

This.

And the people on this forum who are siding with DH highlight how narcissistic and status-obsessed this website is. Which is pretty obvious if you spend even 30 seconds on the college forum.

But there are tons of people on this forum talking about how they don't want to pay full sticker price for college. They are looking for merit aid etc

It's not crazy for a family to think yes Columbia is worth the $$$ and a much lower ranked school that costs the same is not worth it. I'm a PP whose parent paid for an Ivy but they wouldn't have paid for just any school when I had an affordable in-state option as an alternative. This is super common and not narcissistic. It's normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is wrong with Colgate or W&L? Both excellent schools. OP’s DH sounds awful—choosing prestige over his child’s mental health and happiness.

This.

And the people on this forum who are siding with DH highlight how narcissistic and status-obsessed this website is. Which is pretty obvious if you spend even 30 seconds on the college forum.

It’s not a problem with the schools in isolation…it’s the kid has made a bad college decision and her transfer schools are all over the place…remote LAC in Colgate…huge Midwest in MSU…huge south in Florida…seems like she is throwing darts at a map and could be just as unhappy where she transfers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Columbia students who want to ignore the city and its pressure can so so relatively easily. If she nevertheless has city stress, she may have other issues going on. Columbia is a tough place. I would suggest RUCE. Or get out of math.

Maybe it is the math major that is stressing her out. Sounds like HS was intense and she is burned out. Do you think she should have taken a gap year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except ops kid is all over the map with bizarre school choices Florida state ? Come on really?

She is immature some other reason is making her choose those schools

+1. If the DD decided to, say, switch from math to environmental science and identified a set schools strong in that field. I could understand. But these choices make no sense. I am on Team Dad until and unless the DD is able to articulate why she chose those schools.

I would also suggest maybe letting your DD take some time off from school as a mental health break. Most schools have programs now so that you can re-enter without having to reapply.

Also, I am having a hard time believing that math at Columbia is filled with super-intense people. It’s not Caltech or MIT…

This is a dumb post. Are you trying to say only Caltech and MIT are intense? Why speak about things you know nothing about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Columbia students who want to ignore the city and its pressure can so so relatively easily. If she nevertheless has city stress, she may have other issues going on. Columbia is a tough place. I would suggest RUCE. Or get out of math.

Maybe it is the math major that is stressing her out. Sounds like HS was intense and she is burned out. Do you think she should have taken a gap year?

Maybe. Columbia itself adds a lot to the burnout though. The kids we know who've gone over the past couple of years say the reality doesn't live up to the window dressing.

[Anonymous]

This is such a troll post.

Suckers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Columbia students who want to ignore the city and its pressure can so so relatively easily. If she nevertheless has city stress, she may have other issues going on. Columbia is a tough place. I would suggest RUCE. Or get out of math.

Maybe it is the math major that is stressing her out. Sounds like HS was intense and she is burned out. Do you think she should have taken a gap year?

Maybe. Columbia itself adds a lot to the burnout though. The kids we know who've gone over the past couple of years say the reality doesn't live up to the window dressing.

It is a school that works for a certain kind of kid - independent, intense, socially confident, high energy, highly motivated with the stamina to grind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.

Does your husband make all the decisions in your household? I don’t see why his opinions matters on this. He needs to respect his daughter’s decision, and you need to get him to that place.

His opinion matters because it can’t be done unless he pays, nitwit.

If DD decides to flout his wishes then he does not have to “respect” that in the sense of paying for it.

But who parents like that? Disregarding the voices of his “partner” and adult child??

He is not king.

Typical female attitude: “my money is my money, your money is our money.” 🙄

If he has the money and strongly believes his wife and daughter are making a profound mistake then yes he is the king and nobody else gets a vote.

Then they do t have a marriage of partners. He is being manipulative and controlling. And yes abusive.

I h e zero respect for men like him (or women if roles were reversed but Leh it’s always the men).