Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship

[Anonymous]

I'm 47 and have never been in a LTR.
There are some reasons, but none of them is that I'm fat, unattractive or have an intolerable personality. I get stared at a lot and asked out frequently, even now.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand women who are not motivated to find a relationship.

If I were widowed or divorced there is zero way I would date again. Very low sex drive and I am just content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone like this. She has not tried to meet anyone as far as I can tell. To be a somewhat attractive and socially active but not ever have a relationship is bizarre. How does that even happen?

nothing bizarre about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

you’re a crappy friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

Why do you think you'd know anything about her romantic life if you haven't seen her in over a decade?

[Anonymous]

To each, its own. Whatever works for them. YOLO. Why waste it chasing social norms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

Guy here: maybe focus on doing first, and not talking. I'm no Fabio or Casanova, but all of my LTRs started because I met the woman doing a mutual interest and we gravitated to each other. Yes we talked, but on the sidelines of doing something, like theater or sports or whatever. I admit, in most of them, there was a point I needed a strong hint she wanted more than friends- but once I got it we were off and running. What I realized later was this allowed me to meet different types and get to know someone more intimately than just a job-interview-like date.

[Anonymous]

God gave me enough wisdom when I was younger to know I wanted a partner I could build something with. Whether it's a family with kids or just a LTR that spans the ages of life, you want someone willing to put in the work. Many longtime singles I know never had that vision, and some thought they were perfect to begin with and were shocked, shocked to find no man measured up to their expectations in their 20s. I totally believe a person can be happy and single for life. But I don't understand the numerous acquaintances who complain year after year of not finding someone yet don't know what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.

This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.

You sound horrible.

It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.

Doesn’t seem like there’s a “situation” occurring. It sounds like the thought of single, childless women makes you uncomfortable.

The thought of someone I care about heading down the Grey Gardens path makes me uncomfortable.

This is your issue. Seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God gave me enough wisdom when I was younger to know I wanted a partner I could build something with. Whether it's a family with kids or just a LTR that spans the ages of life, you want someone willing to put in the work. Many longtime singles I know never had that vision, and some thought they were perfect to begin with and were shocked, shocked to find no man measured up to their expectations in their 20s. I totally believe a person can be happy and single for life. But I don't understand the numerous acquaintances who complain year after year of not finding someone yet don't know what they want.

Oh, gag. Get so very much over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

You seem pretty harsh in your judgment. Did she attract men who weren't interested in you? Be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine from college is like this. I think it’s a combo of factors. She thinks she is much more attractive than she is for starters (or at least she did when younger- we are early 40s now and I haven’t seen her since we were about 30). She hangs out with wealthy NYC types and lives outside of NYC, working as a social worker. Which is rewarding for her and she likes her work. But clearly, she is low paid. She always played the innocent, “I’m so scared of guys!” trope when we were in our early 20s but she wasn’t actually scared of guys? She just wanted to portray herself as an “innocent”. But to put it plainly, she wasn’t attractive or interesting enough to pull it off, and she was drawn to guys who were out of her league.

Anyways she is 42 now and I do not believe she has ever had a boyfriend outside of maybe two 3-week relationships in college.

You are not a “friend” to this woman. Not even close.

Seriously. Damn. With friends like first PP, who needs enemies.

Envy will do that.

[Anonymous]

My question is sex drive. I guess if yours is low, you are pickier.

[Anonymous]

The problem is the pregnancy risk. I have an IUD, but if I got pregnant I’m 100% certain I would have an abortion. If I couldn’t access one I’m still not giving birth. Pregnancy risk of sex is too high. I’m on a sex strike.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe they don’t want what you want, and have no interest.

There comes a point where it’s hard to merge a life with someone else. Of course, those of us who have marriages and/or kids and are happy with that choice wonder because we want these people to be happy and we imagine our happiness is based on the right things. I have found some women to be completely irrational with what they want from a partner and others just never even desire to move forward with a significant other. If they are otherwise fulfilled, maybe it’s not worth wasting energy worrying about them.