Why are some people so bothered by unmedicated birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never seen people bothered by this, though the number of sanctimommies who brag about it is through the roof.

If you want to feel better, I assure you the number of people who are vocally "bothered" by an unmedicated birth is a fraction of what I hear as someone who did not pass go and went straight for a scheduled, elective c section. That REEEAAALLLYY gets people going!

I should have asked

“Why are people so judgmental about each other’s birth experience?”

Because that’s really what concerns me. Lack of support, lots of judgement. Maybe it’s just an interwebs thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also giving birth is a huge accomplishment. Why can’t women be proud of however they gave birth? Be proud you went unmedicated whether in a hospital or at home with candles galore. Be proud you chose every intervention possible. Be proud that you had one plan and then pivoted again and again as the situation deemed necessary. Whatever your path was, you are entitled to feel proud abd if you wanna share so share.

This thread reeks of internalized misogyny and so much side eye and subtle scorn towards women who want to share and are proud of their birth story. I get how when people gloat and think they are better than it is annoying, but that isn’t about births, that’s their personality. Stop making women pay for bad personalities by making it about one type of birth or another. I think women (and all people for that matter) should feel amazingly proud and free to share if they’ve been through something as incredible as making a baby with their body.

Everyone would be happier if we just focus on the baby after. We don't really want to hear the birth story. Unless something super interesting happened. Like Tom Hanks delivered your baby on a plane or something.

To the OP: you keep saying that you support other women, but you wrote your question in a loaded way. You've gotten your answer. No one is "bothered" by an unmedicated birth. People are bothered by birth-story braggarts.

End of thread.

What’s so wrong with wanting to share how you gave birth? I find the judgement and irritation strange. I am always happy to hear how someone gave birth, however it happened. It’s a powerful and life-changing moment: why shouldn’t it be shared?

FWIW a friend just texted me today at her 34th (!) hour of labor, telling me she’d stalled at 5 cm and had gotten an epidural and was receiving Pitocin. I texted her words of encouragement, because isn’t that what friends are for? I very much look forward to seeing her when she’s ready for company and hearing about her experience.

Well I had postpartum PTSD. And a 4th degree tear. And prolapse. That is what birth did to me. I am facing corrective surgery and now have diminished anal
continence. And I was in diapers for months after birth because I could not control gas or stool. I literally went to work after maternity leave in Depends and took massive doses of Imodium and had panic attacks that I was going to have an accident in the middle of a meeting or around someone else.

So no, I don’t want to hear about your great birth. I don’t want to hear how your preparation made all the difference for you and how proud you were and what a wonderful experience it was. For me it was the day I lost a big part of myself to give birth to a healthy child and it’s a loss that never goes away. So consider that no everyone wants to hear your story And that it can be triggering for anyone with birth injuries or who lost a baby or who is infertile and wasn’t able to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also giving birth is a huge accomplishment. Why can’t women be proud of however they gave birth? Be proud you went unmedicated whether in a hospital or at home with candles galore. Be proud you chose every intervention possible. Be proud that you had one plan and then pivoted again and again as the situation deemed necessary. Whatever your path was, you are entitled to feel proud abd if you wanna share so share.

This thread reeks of internalized misogyny and so much side eye and subtle scorn towards women who want to share and are proud of their birth story. I get how when people gloat and think they are better than it is annoying, but that isn’t about births, that’s their personality. Stop making women pay for bad personalities by making it about one type of birth or another. I think women (and all people for that matter) should feel amazingly proud and free to share if they’ve been through something as incredible as making a baby with their body.

Everyone would be happier if we just focus on the baby after. We don't really want to hear the birth story. Unless something super interesting happened. Like Tom Hanks delivered your baby on a plane or something.

To the OP: you keep saying that you support other women, but you wrote your question in a loaded way. You've gotten your answer. No one is "bothered" by an unmedicated birth. People are bothered by birth-story braggarts.

End of thread.

What’s so wrong with wanting to share how you gave birth? I find the judgement and irritation strange. I am always happy to hear how someone gave birth, however it happened. It’s a powerful and life-changing moment: why shouldn’t it be shared?

FWIW a friend just texted me today at her 34th (!) hour of labor, telling me she’d stalled at 5 cm and had gotten an epidural and was receiving Pitocin. I texted her words of encouragement, because isn’t that what friends are for? I very much look forward to seeing her when she’s ready for company and hearing about her experience.

Well I had postpartum PTSD. And a 4th degree tear. And prolapse. That is what birth did to me. I am facing corrective surgery and now have diminished anal
continence. And I was in diapers for months after birth because I could not control gas or stool. I literally went to work after maternity leave in Depends and took massive doses of Imodium and had panic attacks that I was going to have an accident in the middle of a meeting or around someone else.

So no, I don’t want to hear about your great birth. I don’t want to hear how your preparation made all the difference for you and how proud you were and what a wonderful experience it was. For me it was the day I lost a big part of myself to give birth to a healthy child and it’s a loss that never goes away. So consider that no everyone wants to hear your story And that it can be triggering for anyone with birth injuries or who lost a baby or who is infertile and wasn’t able to have a baby.

NP. But if you had done enough yoga, or really believed in the beauty of natural birth…

Juuuuuuuuust kidding. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It sounds awful and I hope you are able to heal. Birth can be brutal, and those who glorify it are willfully ignoring a huge part of reality: women and babies have throughout history been maimed, or died, not due to their own lack of preparation or poor attitude or mean doctors but because birth can be brutal and birth can be fatal. The fact that we have as a society forgotten this means that we are victims of our own success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because sometimes it seems like women are more concerned about their birth experience than they are about the health of their baby. You can't see why some would be bothered by that?

So much this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are usually self-righteous about it.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are usually self-righteous about it.

And naively idealistic about it.

wtf don't hate, congratulate

There’s nothing to “congratulate” about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are usually self-righteous about it.

And naively idealistic about it.

wtf don't hate, congratulate

See that’s the exact issue I have with it (DP). I don’t care how you birthed your baby. So don’t expect congratulations. It won’t be coming.

Shouldn’t all women who give birth be congratulated, regardless? I mean, it’s an amazing feat, no matter how it occurs.

Huh? Rats and roaches do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are usually self-righteous about it.

And naively idealistic about it.

wtf don't hate, congratulate

See that’s the exact issue I have with it (DP). I don’t care how you birthed your baby. So don’t expect congratulations. It won’t be coming.

Shouldn’t all women who give birth be congratulated, regardless? I mean, it’s an amazing feat, no matter how it occurs.

Congratulated for the baby? Sure. For the birth method? No.

Why not?

Because it’s not an accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason people are annoyed when other women lose weight, go vegan, run a marathon, or any other number of things that take some effort and planning over a sustained period of time. It’s something most people CAN do, and most people choose not to.

A lot people are insecure about their choices and react defensively when other people make different choices because they don’t understand the difference between people living out their own adventure around them and people living AT them. They assume someone having a positive experience with their own different choice somehow negates or minimizes their own positive experience with their choice. Similar to marathon running or your new diet, if you don’t make it your whole personality, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Lol you think an unmedicated birth is some accomplishment comparable to a marathon.

Any birth is much more of an accomplishment than a marathon. Bffr.

Oh, please. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason people are annoyed when other women lose weight, go vegan, run a marathon, or any other number of things that take some effort and planning over a sustained period of time. It’s something most people CAN do, and most people choose not to.

A lot people are insecure about their choices and react defensively when other people make different choices because they don’t understand the difference between people living out their own adventure around them and people living AT them. They assume someone having a positive experience with their own different choice somehow negates or minimizes their own positive experience with their choice. Similar to marathon running or your new diet, if you don’t make it your whole personality, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Lol you think an unmedicated birth is some accomplishment comparable to a marathon.

It is.

Nope. Keep clinging desperately to that fiction though. We know that’s all you have — well, except that you probably breastfed until your kid entered middle school. And maybe that you’re vegan and use a diva cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason people are annoyed when other women lose weight, go vegan, run a marathon, or any other number of things that take some effort and planning over a sustained period of time. It’s something most people CAN do, and most people choose not to.

A lot people are insecure about their choices and react defensively when other people make different choices because they don’t understand the difference between people living out their own adventure around them and people living AT them. They assume someone having a positive experience with their own different choice somehow negates or minimizes their own positive experience with their choice. Similar to marathon running or your new diet, if you don’t make it your whole personality, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Lol you think an unmedicated birth is some accomplishment comparable to a marathon.

For many people it’s a choice that they spend months doing squats and yoga, practicing meditation, and preparing for. Just like a marathon - most people can do it if they choose to spend their time and energy that way. And just like a marathon, not everyone who starts finishes.
But that’s not the point.

The point is why do you care how I spend my time? Why does it make you angry if I chose to give birth differently than you did?

If everyone crosses the finish line then it's not an accomplishment one way or the other.

Giving birth is a huge accomplishment.

Not in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason people are annoyed when other women lose weight, go vegan, run a marathon, or any other number of things that take some effort and planning over a sustained period of time. It’s something most people CAN do, and most people choose not to.

A lot people are insecure about their choices and react defensively when other people make different choices because they don’t understand the difference between people living out their own adventure around them and people living AT them. They assume someone having a positive experience with their own different choice somehow negates or minimizes their own positive experience with their choice. Similar to marathon running or your new diet, if you don’t make it your whole personality, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Lol you think an unmedicated birth is some accomplishment comparable to a marathon.

For many people it’s a choice that they spend months doing squats and yoga, practicing meditation, and preparing for. Just like a marathon - most people can do it if they choose to spend their time and energy that way. And just like a marathon, not everyone who starts finishes.
But that’s not the point.

The point is why do you care how I spend my time? Why does it make you angry if I chose to give birth differently than you did?

If everyone crosses the finish line then it's not an accomplishment one way or the other.

Giving birth is a huge accomplishment.

Actually, it's really not. And yes, I've given birth.

It as a process that happens one way or another and if you are lucky results in a healthy mother and baby. It is not an accomplishment. Thinking it's an accomplishment is where all of the toxic language around going unmedicated comes from.

This

That’s a very odd attitude imo. You’ve literally created a new human life with your body and one way or another delivered that child into the world. That’s immense, and really a miracle.

Every animal creates new life of its species naturally. It’s not “immense” (ha) and definitely not a miracle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a perfect way to get people to NOT comment on your unmedicated birth....don't bring it up.

The reason people bristle is because almost every mom who brings it up is doing so to brag.

This topic of conversation is the exclusive territory of the self-righteous. If you did it, are unable to casually drop it into any conversation that even remotely touches on babies - then I applaud you and your medal is in the mail.

Mic drop. End of thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are some people so bothered by a medicated birth?

OP here. Exactly. Why is anyone bothered by how anyone else gives birth? I don’t understand it. Why don’t we just support each other?

I mean, in real life outside of moms boards I’ve never met anyone who was “bothered” about how anyone else gave birth, or who thought their birth was superior or inferior to anyone else’s. I have talked to a lot of moms at various stages of life, and people do like to talk about their birth experiences. I don’t think that’s remotely weird.

[Anonymous]

Most people really don’t care what others do.