Girlfriend w tight clothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing about professional wear - it pretty much assumes you have no curves. I'm a lawyer and have to dress pretty mannish to avoid people like those on this thread thinking I'm on the prowl, not because of my behavior or shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood, just because of my waist-hip ratio. I cannot wear a sheath dress because if it's loose enough to not draw attention it turns me into a refrigerator and if it's tight enough to suit my figure suddenly I'm Jessica Rabbit. So all that's left is pantsuits in non-stretch fabrics.

But it took me several years to realize that though this isn't fair, it's what I'm stuck with. My more straight-shaped friends can wear business dresses and sheaths and look professional but also feminine. My smaller-chested friends can wear v-necks and not look like rent is due soon. It sucks, but it is what it is. If your girlfriend is fewer than 5 years out of law school she might be buying what she should be allowed to wear (literally anything, and certainly a sheath dress for a business office!) instead of what society will accept a curvy woman wearing (basically cosplay as a man to hide your curves or you're a whore).

I understand this thinking, but it’s because women have so many choices in clothing. Men have a uniform, and it’s never sexy. You never hear men complaining that their suit doesn’t accentuate their curves/muscles. Could you image a man showing up to the office in a muscle tee or bicycle shorts. Yet some women want to wear yoga pants to work. Men know how to dress and this isn’t an issue. It’s women who feel they need to accentuate their body at work.

[Anonymous]

Also, complaining about your bangin' curves and pronounced hip-to-waist ratio isn't going to make people all that sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing about professional wear - it pretty much assumes you have no curves. I'm a lawyer and have to dress pretty mannish to avoid people like those on this thread thinking I'm on the prowl, not because of my behavior or shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood, just because of my waist-hip ratio. I cannot wear a sheath dress because if it's loose enough to not draw attention it turns me into a refrigerator and if it's tight enough to suit my figure suddenly I'm Jessica Rabbit. So all that's left is pantsuits in non-stretch fabrics.

But it took me several years to realize that though this isn't fair, it's what I'm stuck with. My more straight-shaped friends can wear business dresses and sheaths and look professional but also feminine. My smaller-chested friends can wear v-necks and not look like rent is due soon. It sucks, but it is what it is. If your girlfriend is fewer than 5 years out of law school she might be buying what she should be allowed to wear (literally anything, and certainly a sheath dress for a business office!) instead of what society will accept a curvy woman wearing (basically cosplay as a man to hide your curves or you're a whore).

I understand this thinking, but it’s because women have so many choices in clothing. Men have a uniform, and it’s never sexy. You never hear men complaining that their suit doesn’t accentuate their curves/muscles. Could you image a man showing up to the office in a muscle tee or bicycle shorts. Yet some women want to wear yoga pants to work. Men know how to dress and this isn’t an issue. It’s women who feel they need to accentuate their body at work.

This is wrong in about 4 ways - 1) yes men look sexy in a nice suit; 2) yes men complain if suit styles change in a way that doesn't flatter them (heard plenty of this when the skinnier European look came in with Obama); 3) a sheath dress is not the equivalent of muscle tee, bicycle shorts, or yoga pants, and 4) "Men know how to dress" (lolololol) because the concept of workwear is centered entirely on men, not because men are better at getting dressed. But keep thinking the only options are "doesn't know how to dress" and "wants my d*ck". Why should you hear or listen when other people speak?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing about professional wear - it pretty much assumes you have no curves. I'm a lawyer and have to dress pretty mannish to avoid people like those on this thread thinking I'm on the prowl, not because of my behavior or shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood, just because of my waist-hip ratio. I cannot wear a sheath dress because if it's loose enough to not draw attention it turns me into a refrigerator and if it's tight enough to suit my figure suddenly I'm Jessica Rabbit. So all that's left is pantsuits in non-stretch fabrics.

But it took me several years to realize that though this isn't fair, it's what I'm stuck with. My more straight-shaped friends can wear business dresses and sheaths and look professional but also feminine. My smaller-chested friends can wear v-necks and not look like rent is due soon. It sucks, but it is what it is. If your girlfriend is fewer than 5 years out of law school she might be buying what she should be allowed to wear (literally anything, and certainly a sheath dress for a business office!) instead of what society will accept a curvy woman wearing (basically cosplay as a man to hide your curves or you're a whore).

I understand this thinking, but it’s because women have so many choices in clothing. Men have a uniform, and it’s never sexy. You never hear men complaining that their suit doesn’t accentuate their curves/muscles. Could you image a man showing up to the office in a muscle tee or bicycle shorts. Yet some women want to wear yoga pants to work. Men know how to dress and this isn’t an issue. It’s women who feel they need to accentuate their body at work.

Yeah because when I see Daniel Craig in a tux as Bond he never looks sexy.

My husband looks *amazing* in a suit, and true entire point of the suit is…to make men look amazing. Whole point of the garment. I’m petite and suits look like dress up clothes on me except the few I have had tailor-made, and so I typically wear sheath dresses to work. Men can learn to behave professionally if it is what is expected of them, and they’re not excused by the oldest ever “but look what she was wearing!!”

[Anonymous]

Ladies, if your significant other worked in a typically Brooks Brothers/Allen Edmonds work environment, and one day he is leaving for the office in a highly tailored suit like a Miami Beach clubgoer, loafers without socks, a bright shirt with three shirt buttons undone and smelling of typically-unused musky cologne, would you honestly think nothing of it?

Why does everything need to be "controlling"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, complaining about your bangin' curves and pronounced hip-to-waist ratio isn't going to make people all that sympathetic.

I'm not complaining about my curves or looking for sympathy. I'm explaining a phenomenon that might be happening given that OP has said his gf is curvy. You don't get it because you haven't lived it, but we can buy the same clothes from the same professional retailers and have people like this entire thread thinking we're trolling for sex while the woman next to us looks completely professional and will not be judged. There's a learning curve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if your significant other worked in a typically Brooks Brothers/Allen Edmonds work environment, and one day he is leaving for the office in a highly tailored suit like a Miami Beach clubgoer, loafers without socks, a bright shirt with three shirt buttons undone and smelling of typically-unused musky cologne, would you honestly think nothing of it?

Why does everything need to be "controlling"?

There’s a difference between “think nothing of it” and “whine”.

OP could have said “hey you look great in that dress, what’s the occasion” and instead went with “I don’t think you should wear that dress to work.”

Now he looks immature and controlling and has missed the opportunity to pay a compliment and get some information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, complaining about your bangin' curves and pronounced hip-to-waist ratio isn't going to make people all that sympathetic.

I'm not complaining about my curves or looking for sympathy. I'm explaining a phenomenon that might be happening given that OP has said his gf is curvy. You don't get it because you haven't lived it, but we can buy the same clothes from the same professional retailers and have people like this entire thread thinking we're trolling for sex while the woman next to us looks completely professional and will not be judged. There's a learning curve.

OP. I do take your point and definitely agree that curvy features will cause some unfair issues regarding acceptability of work attire. Part of this is the nature of the corporate beast; you relinquish some of your freedom and individuality.

It seems like you had your own period of evolution and acceptance of corporate realities. How would you feel if a sig other made a comment, however benign, in the earlier part of your evolution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if your significant other worked in a typically Brooks Brothers/Allen Edmonds work environment, and one day he is leaving for the office in a highly tailored suit like a Miami Beach clubgoer, loafers without socks, a bright shirt with three shirt buttons undone and smelling of typically-unused musky cologne, would you honestly think nothing of it?

Why does everything need to be "controlling"?

There’s a difference between “think nothing of it” and “whine”.

OP could have said “hey you look great in that dress, what’s the occasion” and instead went with “I don’t think you should wear that dress to work.”

Now he looks immature and controlling and has missed the opportunity to pay a compliment and get some information.

OP here. I did not say "I don't think you should wear that dress to work".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if your significant other worked in a typically Brooks Brothers/Allen Edmonds work environment, and one day he is leaving for the office in a highly tailored suit like a Miami Beach clubgoer, loafers without socks, a bright shirt with three shirt buttons undone and smelling of typically-unused musky cologne, would you honestly think nothing of it?

Why does everything need to be "controlling"?

There’s a difference between “think nothing of it” and “whine”.

OP could have said “hey you look great in that dress, what’s the occasion” and instead went with “I don’t think you should wear that dress to work.”

Now he looks immature and controlling and has missed the opportunity to pay a compliment and get some information.

OP here. I did not say "I don't think you should wear that dress to work".

From your OP

“that that type of attire made me a little uncomfortable and that it didn't really seem work appropriate”

So you wanted to tell her it wasn’t appropriate to wear to work, but you thought that she should totally wear it to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, complaining about your bangin' curves and pronounced hip-to-waist ratio isn't going to make people all that sympathetic.

I'm not complaining about my curves or looking for sympathy. I'm explaining a phenomenon that might be happening given that OP has said his gf is curvy. You don't get it because you haven't lived it, but we can buy the same clothes from the same professional retailers and have people like this entire thread thinking we're trolling for sex while the woman next to us looks completely professional and will not be judged. There's a learning curve.

OP. I do take your point and definitely agree that curvy features will cause some unfair issues regarding acceptability of work attire. Part of this is the nature of the corporate beast; you relinquish some of your freedom and individuality.

It seems like you had your own period of evolution and acceptance of corporate realities. How would you feel if a sig other made a comment, however benign, in the earlier part of your evolution?

If my SO had said something like "whoa I can't look away from your *ss in that dress!" I would have been complimented but also thought wait, maybe this is not a good work look. If he said it "made him uncomfortable" and "wasn't work appropriate" I would have felt ashamed (we get a lot of shaming over our bodies starting in like 5th grade) and simultaneously condescended to. You can't take it back but you can think about how you phrase things going forward - it's completely weird to tell her what to wear. "What's the occasion?" like someone suggested upthread is a simple, nonjudgmental way to point out that someone is wearing something slightly outside of what you expected without all this subtext that she's trying to sleep with her boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if your significant other worked in a typically Brooks Brothers/Allen Edmonds work environment, and one day he is leaving for the office in a highly tailored suit like a Miami Beach clubgoer, loafers without socks, a bright shirt with three shirt buttons undone and smelling of typically-unused musky cologne, would you honestly think nothing of it?

Why does everything need to be "controlling"?

There’s a difference between “think nothing of it” and “whine”.

OP could have said “hey you look great in that dress, what’s the occasion” and instead went with “I don’t think you should wear that dress to work.”

Now he looks immature and controlling and has missed the opportunity to pay a compliment and get some information.

OP here. I did not say "I don't think you should wear that dress to work".

From your OP

“that that type of attire made me a little uncomfortable and that it didn't really seem work appropriate”

So you wanted to tell her it wasn’t appropriate to wear to work, but you thought that she should totally wear it to work?

I don't remember the exact conversation verbatim, but that was a paraphrase.

It's more like this.

OP: (Quizzically) You're wearing that to work?

GF: Yup.

OP: (Making a side-eyed, smirking sarcastic face) Interesting

GF: Is there a problem?

OP: You don't think that's a bit...much?

GF: Nope, don't be insecure.

This is not verbatim; I don't remember exactly. I admit making that smirky face probably didn't help, but that was my reaction in the moment. I didn't really "demand" anything. It was a quick thing before work, not some drawn out back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if your significant other worked in a typically Brooks Brothers/Allen Edmonds work environment, and one day he is leaving for the office in a highly tailored suit like a Miami Beach clubgoer, loafers without socks, a bright shirt with three shirt buttons undone and smelling of typically-unused musky cologne, would you honestly think nothing of it?

Why does everything need to be "controlling"?

There’s a difference between “think nothing of it” and “whine”.

OP could have said “hey you look great in that dress, what’s the occasion” and instead went with “I don’t think you should wear that dress to work.”

Now he looks immature and controlling and has missed the opportunity to pay a compliment and get some information.

OP here. I did not say "I don't think you should wear that dress to work".

From your OP

“that that type of attire made me a little uncomfortable and that it didn't really seem work appropriate”

So you wanted to tell her it wasn’t appropriate to wear to work, but you thought that she should totally wear it to work?

I don't remember the exact conversation verbatim, but that was a paraphrase.

It's more like this.

OP: (Quizzically) You're wearing that to work?

GF: Yup.

OP: (Making a side-eyed, smirking sarcastic face) Interesting

GF: Is there a problem?

OP: You don't think that's a bit...much?

GF: Nope, don't be insecure.

This is not verbatim; I don't remember exactly. I admit making that smirky face probably didn't help, but that was my reaction in the moment. I didn't really "demand" anything. It was a quick thing before work, not some drawn out back and forth.

Yeah it sounds like you were an insecure jerk tbh. “You’re wearing that?” Is rude. Always.

Apologize and do better. Your girlfriend obviously has her life sorted out and wasn’t soliciting your input. Be profoundly grateful, and if you can’t be, let her be with someone who is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - did she have an event after work? Was she “working late” that night?

She’s dressing for someone….just not you.

Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - did she have an event after work? Was she “working late” that night?

She’s dressing for someone….just not you.

Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner!

OP here. Goodness, the feedback is all over the place in here lol.