My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post raises a question of how to blend step families and how differently difficult it must be for each family.

The bigger question is why are there so many bastards and blended families in the first place

And weak men like OP who continue the cycle of harpy single moms who latch onto guys like OP, drain them dry of resources, divorce them, then latch onto the next one.

Next flood God sends needs to be 80 or 120/days and it cant come soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Haha thanks for making my day! Kudos to your brother
I am amazed at how entitled many steps feel here in america.

[Anonymous]

You are a father figure to the kids, OP. You married their mom. You live with them half of the time. Them calling you by your first name doesn’t change that.

You are just a crappy father who doesn’t really love them or take care of them.

That’s what your wife is upset about, and that’s why she should leave. It’s not about the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a father figure to the kids, OP. You married their mom. You live with them half of the time. Them calling you by your first name doesn’t change that.

You are just a crappy father who doesn’t really love them or take care of them.

That’s what your wife is upset about, and that’s why she should leave. It’s not about the trip.

They have a father already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've posted this before or a similar one. Yes they should take all the kids.

Omg. How can anyone possibly think this they niece isn’t even their own kid. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uhmm…of course you are a father figure to your three teenage stepdaughters who live with you half of the time. That’s not a thing that you can just opt out of. You are just a cold and distant father who doesn’t like them very much.

Best case scenario, they realize this relationship between you and their mother is terrible, they don’t like you, and they don’t come around.
More likely, though, they will grow up thinking this is how they deserve to be treated and that it’s reasonable for important men in their lives to be kind of distant and unempathic and not really love them or take care of them. 100 bucks says that at least one of them cuts.

If you really took the time to understand where your wife was coming from, and you otherwise treated her and your stepdaughters with love and kindness, then the fact that your brother didn’t take them on vacation wouldn’t be a big deal. It’s only a big deal because you don’t love them, don’t really even care to try, and this is an obvious proxy for that.

No. Best case scenario they direct their paternal expectations at their actual father. And their step father continues to reinforce appropriate boundaries. He is not there to paper over their own father’s shortcomings. Let their dad pay for a trip to Dubai and take them there if that is what they want. It’s not up *their step father’s brother* for Pete’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP has a friendly relationship with step daughters. They have their own dad and spend 50% of their time with him. They don't need multiple dads. OP's brother has no children and dotes on OP's DC. I think it's sweet and DC is very lucky.

New wife should have anticipated these trips, and had a preemptive convo with DD's about the trips and the close relationship.

I think this is a troll post because those girls are not close to their step sister, to the point they all go out of their way to avoid crossing paths. Makes no sense all of a sudden they feel left out. Also, unless those girls are obtuse, they are fully capable of appreciating the difference in relationships. They're not 2 years old. DW calling BIL makes her a nut job and there must have been red flags everywhere before the marriage.

If it's real, good for BIL for putting crazy DW in her place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really need to figure this out quickly bc with college coming up for the older girls, it’s only going to get worse. Your dd has a fully funded 529 and gets to go wherever she wants. The other girls are going to have to take out loans. They may get merit aid if they apply strategically but…not making any assumptions. In any event, I don’t have recent experience with financial aid and I know it’s changed since I was in school (decades ago) but I believe op as stepdad will have his income pulled into the equation. I can see his wife whining that they would have gotten more aid but for his income and ask him to kick in towards her girls’ college expenses. Beware op. You had discussed your brother and sil’s trips and she completely disregarded what you told her. I would not expect her to uphold the bargain for separate finances for college. She will think it’s unfair for her kids to have loans while your dd will not have any. If this is how you want to live your life, go ahead. If not, this will be your life.

Wife should have been more responsible towards her own kids and sorting this out before remarrying. Also, they will look at kids actual father’s income. Finally, does the wife work? If so she can save that money for their college and step dad can pay more of household expenses. Although even then, he’s paying for her three kids. But presumably he knew that going in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we women want to be seen as big and tough and assertive and independent people, then we cannot hide behind our man when words are said to us. Men don't hide behind other men, after all. They stand up for themselves, by themselves. If women want to be like men, then we need to stand up for ourselves without our man stepping in. We need to speak for ourselves. It is not up to a man to do it for us anymore, right?

She is not hiding behind this shadow of a man.
She could speak loud and clear and tell OP that the BIL is not welcome in her house. If OP disagrees, he will bring his brother around. What happens then?

She was wrong but his brother professing hate for her children is way out of line. And OP is a cretin for not seeing this.

Gimme a break this brother has a backbone he’s not entering their house ever again.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is dead wrong.

A step-Aunt and Uncle have zero responsibility to send step-nieces on $5,000 trips. Or any trip. It's basically not even a relative. Your wife sounds like a tacky gold digger "gimme too." How tacky

[Anonymous]

And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

[Anonymous]

You married a jerk.

Your brother is right.

[Anonymous]

The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

She contacted him first and made a rude demand. She got back what she was dishing out. Who did she think she was to contact him and talk to him that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like your brother.

I love your brother. Too bad he's already taken (j/k)

Seriously, though, the lack of critical thinking in this thread makes me despair for the future. If posters were complaining about the OP and his wife failing to treat all of the daughters with reasonable parity, those critiques would be justified. But the "issue" here--which frankly would be a non-issue if the OP's wife weren't irrational and greedy--is that a member of the OP's extended family wants to sustain the generosity he has shown to the niece he's known and loved since the day of her birth, one that manifests itself in the form of an annual excursion and thus as an intrinsically temporary experience that in the broader scheme of things creates no imbalance in the quality of the girls' respective day-to-day lives. To be clear, the problem isn't that the OP's stepdaughters would like to be treated to a trip to Dubai--who wouldn't?--but that their mom, apparently lacking both IQ and EQ, hasn't helped them to process their disappointment in a healthy way by putting the whole situation in its proper perspective. The step-nieces are adolescents, one of whom is actually a young adult, and all of whom are old enough to understand that, having just become part of the OP's family, they don't have the kind of relationship with the OP's brother that the OP's daughter obviously has with him and that might warrant the kind of generosity he has shown to her.

And to echo other posters, the OP's wife has in fact screwed over her kids financially by remarrying because colleges will take her husband's income into account and they will not be eligible for as much financial aid as they otherwise would have been if both of their parents were still able to tick the box for "divorced." But there is a solution to this particular problem, and were I the OP, I'd effect it pronto.