
So? |
My mom would 100% put my DH in his place if she gave me a generous cash birthday gift and he presumptuously announced it would be spent on something "boring" like bills or home repairs. I'd deposit the money into our joint account and maybe I'd treat myself to something I otherwise wouldn't (which DH would fully support) and maybe I'd pay bills with it, but all I'd say to my mom is THANK YOU. |
Note to self - when giving birthday gifts to my son, take him out shopping instead of giving cash/check in front of his wife. |
OP you are now making yourself sound like a full blown covert narcissist. You are still asserting full ownership and control over that which does not belong to you. |
You definitely overstepped OP. That was a conversation to have with dh after your MIL left, not while he was receiving a present for his birthday. |
She is the DIL from hell. I pray to god my boys don't marry a woman like this. |
Actually, no. It deoends on the giver's intent. And the receiver's. Here, you were neither. You triooed yourself up with this response by admitting that what happens to the gift money is up tonthe receiver. Which is all your MIL said. Your lack of empathy amd understanding in the face of universal DCUM condemnation demonstrates reality distortion consistent with a personality disorder such as covert narcissiism. The problem you have now is you let the mask drop in a very obvious way. You had probably gotten way too comfortable taking advantage of your husband's co dependency and got careless with your MIL because you heard the cash register ringing in the moment and just could not help yourself. Now your stubborn refusal to admit fault and in fact doubling down proves you were not just having a bad day. We all have those, but nentally healthy people know when they were in the wrong and try to make things right. Narcissists do not try to make things right. They double down even if that means trying to manipulate the codependent spouse into a conflict with another family member, as you are trying to do. OP you need theraoy. |
OP, it appears that you're not getting it. Forget about deciding what to do with the money. I'd equate this with MIL giving your DH a card with a check inside. As your DH opens the card, you start in with "MIL, Thank you SO SO much for the money. It is SO generous of you and I appreciate it so much." Can you see how you saying even that can be rude to your MIL? and to your DH? Of course you and DH can decide jointly what to do with the $$ and of course you both may have already decided. But you took the joy away from your MIL gifting something to her son. It's just decent protocol for your DH to comment - in front of MIL - about the $$. Whethe it's saying thank you or whether it's suggesting what to do with the $$. |
If you refuse to ackowkedge and understand and accept that you were wrong, and why; if you then doubled down by trying to coerce your husband into a conflict with his mom, to try to extort an undeserved apology from her; and lord knows what else has been going on in this marriage to boot--how is that only "one comment"? You are right now in the process of trying to drive a wedge between your husband and his mom for no reason other than jealousy at his good fortune! I don't believe DCUM is the first place you asked for advice, but none of your friends or real life relatives gave you the answer you wanted. Your follow up post that this is only about a single comment you made is also classic gaslighting, minimization, and reality distortion. |
She didn’t say “you can’t spend it on the kitchen” or “you must spend it on x.” So why is this even a question? |
I bet this comment is from OP. Very much her style. |
No one is allowed to have say or opinions on someone else's marriage. A marriage is between 2 people last time I checked. Not between 2 people and their mommy. Or 2 people and their daddy. Or 2 people and their best friend. |
No. You make the choice to deposit gifts you receive from your parents into your joint account. . You also have the choice not to do so. Which is all that the MIL ever said. |
I think OP is a troll. or 15 yrs old. I just don't want to believe an adult can't understand how inappropriate and rude her behavior was. And demand an apology from the MIL??? Oy. I really hope the husband is re-evaluating his life with this woman. |
Because why do all you MILs not acknowledge your DILs when they are family and an extension of your son or talk about treating your son like gold and taking him shopping and not including your DIL in her birthday? Thank god my MIL includes me and treats us equal. |