I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. My first car in high school was a Prius. Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

There are electric SUVs now.

We bought a Prius in 2007. We are still driving it. What happened to your HS Prius?

[Anonymous]

Why do your kids even play travel sports OP? Shouldn’t they play local rec league so you can “drive” them to practice in a Dutch cargo bike?
What’s the environmental impact of upkeep on those fields they use? Why not take up trail running or orienteering?
What do you bring for snacks? Plastic bags of prepackaged snacks and bottles of sports drink - or do you wrap homemade granola bars in parchment paper that you collect and compost?

We all make choices and you don’t know the full picture of a family’s values and priorities unless you get to know them. Your smugness may prove to be isolating.

[Anonymous]

Op, You care enough to write a thread about it. I think deep down you want to be just like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

I live in Germany. I’ve also lived in Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in the last decade. Guess what.. they’re all driving SUVs and the market for American branded trucks and vans is HUGE.

No they aren't, most Europeans are baffled by giant vehicles and are very concerned about the state of the world their children will grow up in, and they live those values. They are more secure too.

she lives there and is speaking to her area. Do you live there? Assuming no, this is crazy gaslighting. Her reality isn't what she perceives. Just listen to yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. [b]My first car in high school was a Prius. [i] Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

I never had a car in HS or college. You seem wasteful to me.

You probably had public transportation options. Not everyone has that available.

[Anonymous]

Upon meeting someone new, I absolutely ask what kind of car they drive. It has replaced “so, what do you do?” as an opener, which is handy because I’m a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

I live in Germany. I’ve also lived in Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in the last decade. Guess what.. they’re all driving SUVs and the market for American branded trucks and vans is HUGE.

No they aren't, most Europeans are baffled by giant vehicles and are very concerned about the state of the world their children will grow up in, and they live those values. They are more secure too.

she lives there and is speaking to her area. Do you live there? Assuming no, this is crazy gaslighting. Her reality isn't what she perceives. Just listen to yourself

They probably lived on a military base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, You care enough to write a thread about it. I think deep down you want to be just like them.

Her identity is built upon her belief of moral superiority, and pointing it out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. [b]My first car in high school was a Prius. [i] Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

I never had a car in HS or college. You seem wasteful to me.

Just wait until these same moms have highschoolers. Where I live, the same families that drive the little kids around in massive SUVs wind up buying the big kids compact to mid-size (and very nice... BMW etc.) SUVs... safety first you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

I live in Germany. I’ve also lived in Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in the last decade. Guess what.. they’re all driving SUVs and the market for American branded trucks and vans is HUGE.

No they aren't, most Europeans are baffled by giant vehicles and are very concerned about the state of the world their children will grow up in, and they live those values. They are more secure too.

she lives there and is speaking to her area. Do you live there? Assuming no, this is crazy gaslighting. Her reality isn't what she perceives. Just listen to yourself

They probably lived on a military base.

"They" doesn't indicate the Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really think that someone who lives in the suburbs and drives to the grocery store and everywhere else can criticize others over eco consciousness? You have just multiplied your family’s carbon footprint by moving there. So apparently you can make selfish eco decisions but others cannot? Glass houses op. If you really cared about these issues you would have stayed in the city. Did you bike to Aldi? Lol nope.

It's the same distance I used to drive when I lived in the city. 5 minutes to the grocery store. My child takes the bus to school. We couldn't afford a house in the city, so we bought a townhouse further out. My work commute is 5 minutes and my husband goes into the city twice a week via train. We are a one car family. I do care about these issues, which is why I posted. I hate the car idling at Americans schools. That's also wasteful and our kids are standing around taking the pollution in.

Ok, so you wanted a house more than you care about your impact on the environment. These people want an suv more than they care about their impact on the environment. You are not so different from them. Most European families live in apartments, it’s easily doable. And why were you driving to the grocery store in the city? You don’t seem to understand that the five minute car trips are actually the most harmful type of pollution. You seem completely uneducated on environmental issues and are just looking for an excuse to feel superior to your neighbors. Or a troll.

[Anonymous]

Just get a Fiat 500 and you’ll be exuding European style while parking in a public garage full of columns.

[Anonymous]

As melting glaciers change the distribution of weight across the Earth's crust, the resulting "glacial isostatic adjustment" drives changes in plate tectonics that could lead to more earthquakes, awaken volcanoes and even affect the movement of the Earth's axis.


https://www.euronews.com/2023/02/09/climate-change-is-triggering-more-earthquakes-big-oils-interests-are-a-factor#:~:text=As%20melting%20glaciers%20change%20the,movement%20of%20the%20Earth%27s%20axis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care about the SUV’s specifically but yes these types of people are why I don’t really have good friends. I can’t relate to them at all - we are friendly acquaintances and that’s it.

I feel the same about the ski trips out west, home remodels, country clubs, private schools, etc. It’s just never ending for many of these families and I feel like an alien visiting a foreign land I don’t understand. And I’ve been here 15 years.

This, I don't get any of it. It's a values system I wasn't raised with and don't understand.

The thing in the OP I most relate to is that feeling when you notice that a bunch of the people around you all have the exact same thing, like there was a memo that went out. It reminds me of this one woman on my neighborhood listserv who sometimes posts things like, "Ok y'all, what shoes are we all buying for the littles now? Are Natives still in or have people found something better?" It is always extremely jarring to me because she's not asking for a recommendation, she wants to know what "everyone" is doing so that she can do it too. This is such a strange way to go through life, it would not occur to me. When I see her posts, I always click on them so I can read them and the responses, it's like being Jane Goodall or something. Fascinating, but something I observe from a distance.

PP and yes this exactly. It’s a whole mindset, not just the SUV. I feel like such an imposter and so out of place. I think “my people” are probably somewhere in rural New England but I hate the cold and winter so no idea where I will go when my kids finish HS. Thank goodness my DH gets it and gets me. If not I would be totally lost.

Meh, I feel like the shoe example sounds like something I would say to my friends. Not bc I want to be the same, but bc I know they have probably done some research to figure out what the best shoes are for kids and I want to reap the benefits of that

Nah, that's still "wanting to be the same" but just subconscious. You are outsourcing your decision making to other people because you assume they know better, or because you don't want to put in the effort yourself. You might tell yourself, "this isn't about my kids having the same shoes, or us driving the same car, or going on the same vacations as everyone we know -- it's just smart outsourcing." But the thing you are outsourcing is not "research" it's "thinking". And people outsource thinking so they don't have to think for themselves.

Plus there is safety in doing what others do because then if you make a mistake, it's the same mistake everyone made. If it turns out that SUVs are hella dangerous and destroying the environment, oh well, everyone I know did the same shitty thing so no one can get mad at me, personally. If it turns out those rubber shoes are made by enslaved children in Asia, oh well, at least I'm not the only one. And so on. You are hiding in the safety of numbers, which is the exact same thing all these other people are doing.

It's groupthink. You're a sheep. Maybe you are fine with it, but it's what you are.

Lol, ok.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me OP you live in a new build and the perfectly good 2000 sq ft original build is sitting in a land fill. Tell me it's true. And the potential buyer will now consider a new shiny townhouse in a new concrete jungle because it's the only affordable housing left where green space used to be