Best Dad Ever! But…

[Anonymous]

My husband is the best dad ever but not sure if we should stay married. He is the sole provider, and basically lets me do whatever. He helps with the kids and I really love my life besides our sexless marriage. I personally have a low sex drive so it doesn't bother me. My kids and I are taken care of, but I’m not sure how long we can go on as the best roommates. The Kids are 5 and 7 and it’s convenient for us to live together (our schedules work well together) and we aren’t really affectionate, but we go on dates with friends, celebrate our anniversary and do family things together. I just assumed other people live like this after kids. I dont see any reason to get a divorce but is this normal? My friend says it is not, but it works for me. Im living my life, I have my kids, and Im happy for the most part. DH seems ok too. If you assume he’s cheating, he is not. The family takes up too much of his time.

[Anonymous]

If you are both ok and the kids are happy, I see no reason to change tje arrangement.

[Anonymous]

I think you have no real concept of how splitting up would affect your children, to say nothing of how it might affect your husband. If sex is the only issue and you don't really care about sex why don't you work on making sure your children have a stable, loving and secure home life and upbringing. If you do think sex is important in a marriage then you could also work on how to improve that area of your relationship.

You seem awfully casual about ending your marriage under the circumstances you describe.

[Anonymous]

This is weird. Your friend sounds like she’s making your doubt your marriage when you’re perfectly happy. What’s her deal? Is she married? Divorced?

[Anonymous]

Why would you get divorced when you’re happy? Who cares what your friend things is normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you get divorced when you’re happy? Who cares what your friend things is normal

+1.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's normal, and I think it's fine for your friend to make a simple, honest observation (if she was trying to goad you or stirring the pot, this would obv not be ok). But, does it matter if it's not normal? A lot of normal marriages are also unhappy marriages. That's not you. You are happy overall. That's huge, OP! If your current situation is working for you, no need to create a problem where there is one imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's normal, and I think it's fine for your friend to make a simple, honest observation (if she was trying to goad you or stirring the pot, this would obv not be ok). But, does it matter if it's not normal? A lot of normal marriages are also unhappy marriages. That's not you. You are happy overall. That's huge, OP! If your current situation is working for you, no need to create a problem where there is one imo.

*where there is not one

[Anonymous]

OP, you both have hormonal issues if it's sexless and you're happy. Or someone's on meds (SSRIs?) that cause it. Not normal for either of you. He should get checked for low T, you should get your hormones checked and you should ideally be in therapy. You're missing out on a huge bonding thing.

[Anonymous]

I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the best dad ever but not sure if we should stay married. He is the sole provider, and basically lets me do whatever. He helps with the kids and I really love my life besides our sexless marriage. I personally have a low sex drive so it doesn't bother me. My kids and I are taken care of, but I’m not sure how long we can go on as the best roommates. The Kids are 5 and 7 and it’s convenient for us to live together (our schedules work well together) and we aren’t really affectionate, but we go on dates with friends, celebrate our anniversary and do family things together. I just assumed other people live like this after kids. I dont see any reason to get a divorce but is this normal? My friend says it is not, but it works for me. Im living my life, I have my kids, and Im happy for the most part. DH seems ok too. If you assume he’s cheating, he is not. The family takes up too much of his time.

Next time make your troll post less obvious. It would have been more fun. Like why would you say you’re not sure how long you can live as best roommates if everything is going well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the best dad ever but not sure if we should stay married. He is the sole provider, and basically lets me do whatever. He helps with the kids and I really love my life besides our sexless marriage. I personally have a low sex drive so it doesn't bother me. My kids and I are taken care of, but I’m not sure how long we can go on as the best roommates. The Kids are 5 and 7 and it’s convenient for us to live together (our schedules work well together) and we aren’t really affectionate, but we go on dates with friends, celebrate our anniversary and do family things together. I just assumed other people live like this after kids. I dont see any reason to get a divorce but is this normal? My friend says it is not, but it works for me. Im living my life, I have my kids, and Im happy for the most part. DH seems ok too. If you assume he’s cheating, he is not. The family takes up too much of his time.

Your "friend" sounds like trouble.

[Anonymous]

Stay married. You are able to stay home with your kids, provide them stability and DH is a good father and kind partner. That is better than what the majority of mothers are facing.

If you divorce, you will back to work full time, no longer be able to be there as you are now for your kids. They will be shuttle between babysitters and after school care. You will want to date (which takes a lot of time away from your kids- even if the actual dates are when you don’t have them. You will be focusing a lot of mental energy on dating sites and communication with potential dates).

Your kids’ world will be turned upside down, for what? When you have kids, their best interest comes before yours and unless you are in a terrible marriage where there is a lot of negative behaviors going on- don’t do this

[Anonymous]

sounds like you have a good deal. maybe both of you just need a little action on the side to liven up your lives. just keep it quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the best dad ever but not sure if we should stay married. He is the sole provider, and basically lets me do whatever. He helps with the kids and I really love my life besides our sexless marriage. I personally have a low sex drive so it doesn't bother me. My kids and I are taken care of, but I’m not sure how long we can go on as the best roommates. The Kids are 5 and 7 and it’s convenient for us to live together (our schedules work well together) and we aren’t really affectionate, but we go on dates with friends, celebrate our anniversary and do family things together. I just assumed other people live like this after kids. I dont see any reason to get a divorce but is this normal? My friend says it is not, but it works for me. Im living my life, I have my kids, and Im happy for the most part. DH seems ok too. If you assume he’s cheating, he is not. The family takes up too much of his time.

Does he also have a low sex drive? If so, probably he probably won't look elsewhere. But, he's a man, so chances are 100% that he will. He may also die early because you are boring him to death.