Do you judge parents of overweight kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My close friend and her husband are gym rats and are so incredibly fit. All 3 of her children are very very overweight. I wonder what goes on at her house for meals and why the kids are so much larger than the adults. They’re a nice family but it’s all I can think about. My friend was a chubby kid and had a lot of mental issues from being chubby. She’s lost it all by 16 and hasn’t been chubby since though.

A lot of "gym rats" have raging eating disorders.

It's actually very common for the obsessive gym rats to have overweight kids. Combination of the fact many are not naturally/genetically thin (which sounds like your friend) plus many have exercise bulimia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

Then you just have to do MORE to help your kid. Daily family walks after dinner, more hiking, more biking and even cleaner food.

Similar to if you have one kid who can barely read and isn't picking it up. Sometimes parents have to spend a lot more time helping them learn to read. I have one ADHD kid and we have to run him like a puppy in the morning to get energy out before school. It's not my favorite, but it's how he succeeds at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

NP. Why are you giving junk food to your overweight child? Stop doing that.

DP. Then people like one the PPs will blame this parent for “restricting” and making them overeat junk in secret at friends’ houses.
Honestly, I think parents can’t win with food issues. There is so much junk food around in various places and given to kids all the time outside of the home that kids that have an affinity for it and with big appetites are going to likely struggle with weight to some degree.

Kids get an “affinity for” junk when their parents give them junk. It’s true that when a kid is a teen there’s not much you can do, but there are kids elementary aged who are overweight and that’s just really terrible parenting. There’s never a reason to stock junk food in the house.

Let me tell you about a friend of mine. His parents allowed zero junk food in the house. Healthy food only, vegetable-forward, mostly from scratch.

He’s now in his 40s and 90% of his diet is junk. Fast food 5x/week, boxes of sugared cereal, donuts, freezer full of corn dogs and frozen pizzas.

His parents’ stringency scarred the dude for life.

Food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your answer change if the parents themselves are fit or over weight?[/quote

I only judge parents that judge other parents.]

[Anonymous]

I was actually just thinking about this recently because of something I Saw. I happened to stop by a neighborhood friend’s house to drop something off and one of her daughters had a friend over. My friend and I were chatting as she was making them both something to eat. It was lunch time. She served a typical balanced meal with pasta, a vegetable, chicken and some fruit (it wasn’t fancy-it was like plain buttered pasta, rotisserie chicken from the store type deal). And as we continued chatting the friend who was over asked for more pasta 4x. The girl is definitely bigger weight wise than the other girls in the grade but not obese level-but on that track. It struck me that this is how she probably typically eats and I think a lot of parents these days are very scared of giving their kids a complex around food (especially with girls). And I do think sometimes that backfires. Of course the pasta is the best part-but with my own kids I will say-you can definitely have more but have some chicken and vegetables first etc…

I mean maybe it was totally random and not at all how she eats on a regular basis so who knows. That being said-no matter how comfortable I was at a particular friends house growing up-I would always be on the more conservative side when eating meals (I don’t think I would have ever been comfortable asking for more).

But in general-no I don’t judge. I just think parents need to understand the balance more of keeping their kids healthy/not being too crazy.

[Anonymous]

Whenever I eat at someone else's house I'm convinced most Americans have a warped sense of what a proper portion size is. I'm always served way too much food, and then I see the parents serving their 3 year old what I would plate for myself as an adult. So yeah, definitely judge that a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was actually just thinking about this recently because of something I Saw. I happened to stop by a neighborhood friend’s house to drop something off and one of her daughters had a friend over. My friend and I were chatting as she was making them both something to eat. It was lunch time. She served a typical balanced meal with pasta, a vegetable, chicken and some fruit (it wasn’t fancy-it was like plain buttered pasta, rotisserie chicken from the store type deal). And as we continued chatting the friend who was over asked for more pasta 4x. The girl is definitely bigger weight wise than the other girls in the grade but not obese level-but on that track. It struck me that this is how she probably typically eats and I think a lot of parents these days are very scared of giving their kids a complex around food (especially with girls). And I do think sometimes that backfires. Of course the pasta is the best part-but with my own kids I will say-you can definitely have more but have some chicken and vegetables first etc…

I mean maybe it was totally random and not at all how she eats on a regular basis so who knows. That being said-no matter how comfortable I was at a particular friends house growing up-I would always be on the more conservative side when eating meals (I don’t think I would have ever been comfortable asking for more).

But in general-no I don’t judge. I just think parents need to understand the balance more of keeping their kids healthy/not being too crazy.

This is my approach too - you can have [X] if you're still hungry after [Y], but I recognize that having a kid who recognizes her hunger cues and doesn't have an insane sweet tooth makes me seem smart here. Some kids will always "still be hungry" after healthy options to get a chance at dessert or plain carbs or whatever. I'm not sure how you navigate that without some of the shame-based tactics that we know backfire on kids in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

NP. Why are you giving junk food to your overweight child? Stop doing that.

DP. Then people like one the PPs will blame this parent for “restricting” and making them overeat junk in secret at friends’ houses.
Honestly, I think parents can’t win with food issues. There is so much junk food around in various places and given to kids all the time outside of the home that kids that have an affinity for it and with big appetites are going to likely struggle with weight to some degree.

Kids get an “affinity for” junk when their parents give them junk. It’s true that when a kid is a teen there’s not much you can do, but there are kids elementary aged who are overweight and that’s just really terrible parenting. There’s never a reason to stock junk food in the house.

Parents shouldn't be too restrictive either. Then you end up with the kid who goes to other people's houses and binges (or goes out and binges as soon as they have a car and job). I had a friend whose mom was health-obsessed that would come over and eat entire boxes of oreos.

Sorry, but that’s pathological, a manifestation of mental issues beyond mom being a health nut. Lack of junk food at home does not cause a normal person to eat a whole box of Oreo’s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was actually just thinking about this recently because of something I Saw. I happened to stop by a neighborhood friend’s house to drop something off and one of her daughters had a friend over. My friend and I were chatting as she was making them both something to eat. It was lunch time. She served a typical balanced meal with pasta, a vegetable, chicken and some fruit (it wasn’t fancy-it was like plain buttered pasta, rotisserie chicken from the store type deal). And as we continued chatting the friend who was over asked for more pasta 4x. The girl is definitely bigger weight wise than the other girls in the grade but not obese level-but on that track. It struck me that this is how she probably typically eats and I think a lot of parents these days are very scared of giving their kids a complex around food (especially with girls). And I do think sometimes that backfires. Of course the pasta is the best part-but with my own kids I will say-you can definitely have more but have some chicken and vegetables first etc…

I mean maybe it was totally random and not at all how she eats on a regular basis so who knows. That being said-no matter how comfortable I was at a particular friends house growing up-I would always be on the more conservative side when eating meals (I don’t think I would have ever been comfortable asking for more).

But in general-no I don’t judge. I just think parents need to understand the balance more of keeping their kids healthy/not being too crazy.

This is my approach too - you can have [X] if you're still hungry after [Y], but I recognize that having a kid who recognizes her hunger cues and doesn't have an insane sweet tooth makes me seem smart here. Some kids will always "still be hungry" after healthy options to get a chance at dessert or plain carbs or whatever. I'm not sure how you navigate that without some of the shame-based tactics that we know backfire on kids in the long run.

I have a kid like this. They don’t want a second helping of protein or vegetables. They want the second helping of carbs. So, if pushed, they will eat the second helping of protein, in order to get (and fully eat) the second (or third) helping of carbs. So often I just say no. No extra pasta, but you can have more chicken and vegetables if hungry, and leave it at that. Usually they will say nevermind then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

NP. Why are you giving junk food to your overweight child? Stop doing that.

DP. Then people like one the PPs will blame this parent for “restricting” and making them overeat junk in secret at friends’ houses.
Honestly, I think parents can’t win with food issues. There is so much junk food around in various places and given to kids all the time outside of the home that kids that have an affinity for it and with big appetites are going to likely struggle with weight to some degree.

Kids get an “affinity for” junk when their parents give them junk. It’s true that when a kid is a teen there’s not much you can do, but there are kids elementary aged who are overweight and that’s just really terrible parenting. There’s never a reason to stock junk food in the house.

Parents shouldn't be too restrictive either. Then you end up with the kid who goes to other people's houses and binges (or goes out and binges as soon as they have a car and job). I had a friend whose mom was health-obsessed that would come over and eat entire boxes of oreos.

Sorry, but that’s pathological, a manifestation of mental issues beyond mom being a health nut. Lack of junk food at home does not cause a normal person to eat a whole box of Oreo’s

DP. Indulgence is absolutely a normal and established human reaction to deprivation. See the repressed religious kids who go hog wild when they get to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

NP. Why are you giving junk food to your overweight child? Stop doing that.

DP. Then people like one the PPs will blame this parent for “restricting” and making them overeat junk in secret at friends’ houses.
Honestly, I think parents can’t win with food issues. There is so much junk food around in various places and given to kids all the time outside of the home that kids that have an affinity for it and with big appetites are going to likely struggle with weight to some degree.

Kids get an “affinity for” junk when their parents give them junk. It’s true that when a kid is a teen there’s not much you can do, but there are kids elementary aged who are overweight and that’s just really terrible parenting. There’s never a reason to stock junk food in the house.

Parents shouldn't be too restrictive either. Then you end up with the kid who goes to other people's houses and binges (or goes out and binges as soon as they have a car and job). I had a friend whose mom was health-obsessed that would come over and eat entire boxes of oreos.

Sorry, but that’s pathological, a manifestation of mental issues beyond mom being a health nut. Lack of junk food at home does not cause a normal person to eat a whole box of Oreo’s

Former chubby kid turned teenage bulimic here. When kids learn to associate shame with enjoyment of certain foods, it absolutely can. Like, if gym rat parents side-eye their chubby kid for eating two Oreos and then stop buying cookies altogether even though their skinny friends’ houses are chock full of junk food… just be careful with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

NP. Why are you giving junk food to your overweight child? Stop doing that.

DP. Then people like one the PPs will blame this parent for “restricting” and making them overeat junk in secret at friends’ houses.
Honestly, I think parents can’t win with food issues. There is so much junk food around in various places and given to kids all the time outside of the home that kids that have an affinity for it and with big appetites are going to likely struggle with weight to some degree.

Kids get an “affinity for” junk when their parents give them junk. It’s true that when a kid is a teen there’s not much you can do, but there are kids elementary aged who are overweight and that’s just really terrible parenting. There’s never a reason to stock junk food in the house.

Parents shouldn't be too restrictive either. Then you end up with the kid who goes to other people's houses and binges (or goes out and binges as soon as they have a car and job). I had a friend whose mom was health-obsessed that would come over and eat entire boxes of oreos.

Sorry, but that’s pathological, a manifestation of mental issues beyond mom being a health nut. Lack of junk food at home does not cause a normal person to eat a whole box of Oreo’s

DP. Indulgence is absolutely a normal and established human reaction to deprivation. See the repressed religious kids who go hog wild when they get to college.

Define deprivation. Because kids are are getting junk regularly at friends’, grandmas, holidays, school parties, school breakfast, sports games, birthday parties and so on. Weekend treat when out, etc. I don’t considering not having daily free range to junk food at home deprivation

[Anonymous]

I judge parents of overweight kids who love and adore them and accept them as they are. They are excellent parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, in my area they are often some of the most dogged about healthy habits. Its like genes beget weight begets obsession with losing it... I'm sure there are plenty that ignore it but even then this was never taught as a moral failing in my home but I think other cultures or styles of parenting can be borderline abusive about being thin. I do judge that or at least look down on those types of families that point out pounds or make negative comments about total strangers. Its really trashy, and I realize its across financial classes but truly is disgusting to see that behavior in grown adults, like they are missing some compassion or have some need to berate, it sets off alarm bells when I hear such comments.

It’s not a moral failing. It’s parents not feeding healthy food, not teaching good habits and kids who don’t have enough exercise. More of a parent failure.

My kid does sports 3-5 days a week and other activities that are physical and is still overweight. We eat very healthy at home and do low carb/sugar. We do some sweets and processed food but very limited. And, they don't eat big portions.

NP. Why are you giving junk food to your overweight child? Stop doing that.

DP. Then people like one the PPs will blame this parent for “restricting” and making them overeat junk in secret at friends’ houses.
Honestly, I think parents can’t win with food issues. There is so much junk food around in various places and given to kids all the time outside of the home that kids that have an affinity for it and with big appetites are going to likely struggle with weight to some degree.

Kids get an “affinity for” junk when their parents give them junk. It’s true that when a kid is a teen there’s not much you can do, but there are kids elementary aged who are overweight and that’s just really terrible parenting. There’s never a reason to stock junk food in the house.

Parents shouldn't be too restrictive either. Then you end up with the kid who goes to other people's houses and binges (or goes out and binges as soon as they have a car and job). I had a friend whose mom was health-obsessed that would come over and eat entire boxes of oreos.

Sorry, but that’s pathological, a manifestation of mental issues beyond mom being a health nut. Lack of junk food at home does not cause a normal person to eat a whole box of Oreo’s

DP. Indulgence is absolutely a normal and established human reaction to deprivation. See the repressed religious kids who go hog wild when they get to college.

Define deprivation. Because kids are are getting junk regularly at friends’, grandmas, holidays, school parties, school breakfast, sports games, birthday parties and so on. Weekend treat when out, etc. I don’t considering not having daily free range to junk food at home deprivation

PP.

Agreed, but let’s be honest: parenting is art, not science. None of us can project the future impact of our present actions. So we do our best.

My point is that it’s best to be humble about the process, because we don’t have the foggiest idea whether we’re doing it “right”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it’s a mistake to let your kids consume junk when they’re of the age you’re in control. But some parents don’t have the bandwidth to do the best job in this area. Some parents do, but maybe they yell at their kids or emotionally neglect them or mess up in some other way.

I don’t judge parents. I try not to judge anybody because if you’re a parent of more than one or if you’ve been a parent long enough, you begin to understand how hard it can be. And I am FAR from perfect.

My own issues and my kids’ issues may not be visible, but nobody is perfectly happy and healthy, we’re all just doing our best. I lead with empathy. I have seen toddlers drinking koolaid
out of a bottle, parents smoking weed around their kids, parents smacking their children, but I choose to lead with empathy. I imagine how those parents were raised, how stressed/depressed they are, the lack of resources or support they’ve suffered from their whole lives. Some people’s best sucks, but it’s not really my business unless they ask for help.

You’ve seen a parent smoking weed around a child and hitting a child and have empathy for the parent? That’s child abuse. I don’t care how the parent was raised or what struggles they have, it should be every body’s business if they see this and don’t say something.