Spending Mother's Day with MIL- WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

She has already responded to this question many times. She can’t tell her MIL no because her husband said he’s going and taking their kids no matter what.

Sounds like a win/win. OP wants to relax so she can do that while husband takes the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got roped into co-hosting a baby shower with my MIL for her niece- the day before Mother's Day- at my house. 50 people, mostly family coming in from out of town. She originally asked me to have the party on Mother's Day, but I gave a hard "no" because I want to enjoy Mother's Day relaxing...

... With the commute & lunch, it will be 5 hours out of the day to go to this lunch. So it will not be quick.

DH wants to spend mother's day with his mom/grandma/aunts. I feel stuck because either 1) I go to this lunch for day 3 in a row with his family for 5 hours and be miserable ...

What would you do?

What's the commute? I thought from the first part you were the shower site because you have the space and live near MIL, future grandma etc. If all those shower host/helpers are 1-1.5 hours away one way then why your house? Ability to hold 50 even if it rains? Where does the pregnant one live? Or is this a fly in for her to mothers day and a family shower?

Brunch at a restauarant or a relatives home? 30 minutes or less away pop in for 30 minutes- 2 hours max of your day.

My PP is last quoted. Still confused on why OP house for the 50 person shower for MIL niece/DH cousin. and who's paying for it? That is so huge - chair/table rentals, massive food , serving tables, beverages, refrigerator take over...maybe over $3500 excluding a tent for rain. Moving furniture inside to fit tables?

Mother's Day is 4 weeks away and MIL invited OP's parents to the brunch. OP parent/s also invited to shower? That shower needs to go to a venue or another residence. Curious if OP knew the 50 people guest count before consenting to let them host it at her house.

[Anonymous]

Where are OP's parents? Would they like to sit this one out? OP could leave for a hotel after the shower guests go home, and her spouse could take the kids to Grandma's for lunch.

OP, I hope you're making sure your MIL and DH are doing all the work for the shower.

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to stay home w/ you and the kids. He can celebrate his mother's "day" on another weekend. You deserve a break and peace and he needs to put YOU first.

[Anonymous]

Hosting 20 in the home is hard, much less 50. I’m “hosting” a graduation event for 14 at a local restaurant. I’m not sure any of this makes sense to me…

[Anonymous]

Why do you refer to MIL’s relatives as hers?

“Her niece” is your cousin in law.

“Her family” is YOUR family.

I don’t have much sympathy for you because you sound selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

Agreed.

OP sounds selfish and petty.

[Anonymous]

OP is clearly not selfish and petty. She’s literally hosting a huge baby shower the day before with the same people. Do you have any clue how much work that is? And she has young children.

This is definitely a DH problem. You already told him what you wanted. Stand firm. I’m firmly in the camp that the active mothers are the ones who need to be celebrated the most of Mother’s Day. Send some flowers and a nice card. And celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want too. But on Father’s Day, the same rules apply. You celebrate however your DH chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly not selfish and petty. She’s literally hosting a huge baby shower the day before with the same people. Do you have any clue how much work that is? And she has young children.

This is definitely a DH problem. You already told him what you wanted. Stand firm. I’m firmly in the camp that the active mothers are the ones who need to be celebrated the most of Mother’s Day. Send some flowers and a nice card. And celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want too. But on Father’s Day, the same rules apply. You celebrate however your DH chooses.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly not selfish and petty. She’s literally hosting a huge baby shower the day before with the same people. Do you have any clue how much work that is? And she has young children.

This is definitely a DH problem. You already told him what you wanted. Stand firm. I’m firmly in the camp that the active mothers are the ones who need to be celebrated the most of Mother’s Day. Send some flowers and a nice card. And celebrate Mother’s Day the way you want too. But on Father’s Day, the same rules apply. You celebrate however your DH chooses.

Agree 100%

+2. You will have done enough over weekend. DH and kids celebrate YOU on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

Agreed.

OP sounds selfish and petty.

What’s selfish is dictating how 3 days in a row are spent. OP agreed to go with what MIL had planned for Friday and Saturday. MIL is steamrolling OP’s plan for Sunday. She doesn’t need to be a martyr and let MIL have her say the entire weekend. It’s petty and selfish to act like some old fashioned matriarch who has final say over how the weekend will be spent. OP gets to have 1 day with her immediate family, that is totally reasonable.

But she does have a DH problem if he isn’t taking her side in this and is still bowing down to what mommy wants him to do.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you wanted to spend any of your weekend being roped into free labor with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. Why did you agree to any of this in the first place? Would you have felt shamed, pressured, and unsupported by your husband if you didn't give in to his mother's demands? Do you have difficulty asserting your own needs in the face of others? I feel like this might be a small snapshot of a bigger issue of you being too much of a people-pleaser at the expense of yourself. You may want to explore strategies to learn to assert yourself in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you wanted to spend any of your weekend being roped into free labor with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. Why did you agree to any of this in the first place? Would you have felt shamed, pressured, and unsupported by your husband if you didn't give in to his mother's demands? Do you have difficulty asserting your own needs in the face of others? I feel like this might be a small snapshot of a bigger issue of you being too much of a people-pleaser at the expense of yourself. You may want to explore strategies to learn to assert yourself in therapy.

Not you again.🙄

[Anonymous]

Oh my. Stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

Agreed.

OP sounds selfish and petty.

What’s selfish is dictating how 3 days in a row are spent. OP agreed to go with what MIL had planned for Friday and Saturday. MIL is steamrolling OP’s plan for Sunday. She doesn’t need to be a martyr and let MIL have her say the entire weekend. It’s petty and selfish to act like some old fashioned matriarch who has final say over how the weekend will be spent. OP gets to have 1 day with her immediate family, that is totally reasonable.

But she does have a DH problem if he isn’t taking her side in this and is still bowing down to what mommy wants him to do.

Agreed. The issue here is that OP pretty clearly communicated with the scheduling of the shower that she wanted to keep Sunday free after putting together this major event. Then MIL decided to host a Sunday event that OP can't plausibly skip because she INVITED OP'S PARENTS. This is jerk behavior. It's not that OP doesn't value family and is centering everything on herself - she is spending two days hosting a massive crowd!