Delicate DIL situation

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering if anyone could give me advice about this delicate DIL situation? My son and and DIL are both 33 years old and have been married a couple years now. They dated about 4 years before they got married so I would say I know my DIL really well. My DIL is truly a nice person and obviously loves and cares about my son very much but she comes across as very insecure and I’m not sure how to handle it so I’m looking for any helpful advice.

For instance if my son and DIL are visiting with my other son and daughter and my long term SO and I mentioned something we talked about in a group chat between all of us (just random pics of old vacays we took or funny FB memes) that my DIL wasn’t in because I have a group chat for my children and my SO my DIL will make a snarky comment such as, “oh I wouldn’t know I am never included in those things.” Then she turned to my son and asked him why she isn’t included in these group chats even though it is just immediate family none of my other kid’s SO’s are in them. It just comes across as very petty and it makes everyone in the room visibly uncomfortable.

If I ever make a reference about a family vacation that we went on when my son and DIL were just dating she will say something again snarky like, “it sounds like a lot of fun but of course I wasn’t invited to go.” Just to be clear I realize it comes across like we talk about things in front of her all the time that don’t include her but that’s really not the case. It is just quick comments regarding these things in passing to make conversation that is relevant I don’t go on forever and I do make an effort to include my DIL in conversation and ask questions about her life as well.

Also, whenever I call my son my DIL is always in the background throwing her 2 cents in and answering questions that I am asking my son or asking to say hi and talk to me too and then she just monopolizes the conversation. I don’t mind her popping onto the phone call to say hi but I am calling to speak mostly to my son I don’t want the whole conversation to be monopolized by my DIL and I want to feel like I can talk to my son without other people listening or around all the time.

It just seems like I can’t bring up any topic around my own son and my own family without my DIL getting her panties in a wad if it wasn’t something she was included in at the time. Almost like I can’t have my own relationship with my son unless she is included and around at ALL times.



So I guess my question to all of you is how do I handle the snarky remarks from my DIL moving forward? How about the phone convos?

[Anonymous]

You need to include her in the group chat, she’s not an SO, she’s his wife. Then back away from every critical thought you have. Your immediate family now includes DIL. Hopefully over time she will feel less defensive and insecure.

[Anonymous]

It’s rude not to include her in text chains.

Stop talking about things that happened in the past.

Make new memories together as the entire family and talk about those things.

If you just want to talk to your son call him on his way to or from work or when you know she’s away. You don’t get to control who is around listening when it’s not your house.

You sound like an insecure troll hating on the fact that she’s more important to him than you are.

[jsteele]

OP is a troll who will be featured in today's blog post on the home page once I finish writing it.