Accidentally found out son was gay
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Anonymous
| I have a high school son who my husband and I always suspected might be gay. I accidentally came across something which confirmed our suspicions. From his friend group and interests, I don't think it is obvious to anyone at this point, but I think it is something he may be struggling with. We are fine with this, but I think my husband will have a harder time than me accepting it as fact. I haven't told my husband what I've learned. My gut is telling me to keep this to myself and just wait until my son decides he's ready to tell us. Does anyone have experience with this - no trolls, please. This is hard. |
Anonymous
| I would tell your husband. But don’t assume your son is gay. It can be a spectrum and he might be bi. I’m sure he’s still figuring out himself so I’d support him until he’s ready to say. |
Anonymous
| This happened to me (finding out by accident) and there was evidence he was stressed about telling us. So I brought it up when it was just the two of us and we had the best conversation. He was so much happier after and it really wasn’t a huge deal in the end. We also always suspected, so that made it NBD. |
Anonymous
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Please don't assume anything, and as a consequence, don't tell your husband anything. As a European, I've been shocked at what Americans attribute to homosexuality. What you can do to help your son is to speak well of all lifestyles, in this and other regards, and show that you deserve his trust. It will be all right, OP. Don't worry too much about this. |
Anonymous
| Assuming what you found is pretty definitive, I would talk to your son about it. If he really is struggling with it, it may be a relief for him to know that you know and are okay with it. But I would not talk to your husband about it until you’ve spoke to your son and gotten his okay. If you know your husband may not respond well, you should not out your son to him before your son is prepared for his father to know. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t bring up what you found directly, but maybe make sure when you talk about his future or dating life, makes no assumptions about the gender of the participants? This can make space for him to feel comfortable bringing up his sexuality around you by making it clear it’s no big deal ahead of time. Even if only one parent does this, it can be hugely helpful. (Speaking from experience as the child here.) |
Anonymous
| I'm divorced and my son told me he was bisexual. I was a bit surprised but I think I handled it well. He would never want me to tell his dad and I doubt he will either. I wouldn't tell anyone if I were you until your son is ready to tell you. |
Anonymous
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I knew my son was gay. I told him once that I didn't care who he loves that I just wanted him to be happy. Later that year he came out to me in a letter.
Be supportive and open. |
Anonymous
You sound like an awesome parent ❤️ |
Anonymous
I'm not experienced with this, but I'd do this. Talk to son first and keep husband out of it until son ready. Also though, I'd be open minded. Maybe son experimenting. Maybe bisexual. Maybe he will change preferences few times. Kudos to you for being how you are approaching this with thoughtfulness and acceptance. |
Anonymous
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Please do not invade your son's privacy by telling your DH.
If you would like to try a conversation with your son that's awesome. |
Anonymous
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I’m a gay man. Been out since college. Happily married for 20+ years, 3 kids.
Do not tell your husband. It isn’t your information to share. |