Nanny leaving after 7 years...best way to tell kids?

[Anonymous]

The title says it all. My kids are 4 and 7.5. She has been their nanny since I went back to work with the older DC, and they are very, very attached to her. Nanny had a sudden, major life change (parent dying), and is moving to the house she inherited. She has been on bereavement leave for a few weeks, and she won't be able to come back for any transition time for the kids. She is planning to come over the weekend to say goodbye.

Anything I should do to prep the kids? They might be just fine, but it's been a tough year...especially for the older one who is still DL.

[Anonymous]

Stay in touch and let them FaceTime/Zoom. Touch base with her on birthdays and holidays.

It's a tough transition, but they will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I would tell them before she comes to say goodbye. That gives your older one some time to process a bit before she comes over. Then the 7.5 year old can ask any questions and get some closure. The 4 year old will follow everyone else's lead, and may be upset that day, but will move on quite quickly I imagine.

It's a good lesson how sometimes people we love move away. We can still love them even when we see them less. It's also ok for your kid to be unhappy about it, you don't have to fix that. Mourning a little is normal.

I'd be prepared for what will happen with childcare, and let them know what the plan is.

[Anonymous]

Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

You don't just forget about someone you care about, even kids.

[Anonymous]

The truth. Nanny cares for you very much but its time for her to leave our family. She was given a house far away and has decided to move there for financial and other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

You don't just forget about someone you care about, even kids.

I had a few nannies growing up. One would visit yearly or so and I didn't remember them. It was uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

You don't just forget about someone you care about, even kids.

I had a few nannies growing up. One would visit yearly or so and I didn't remember them. It was uncomfortable.

This nanny has been there for 7 years. That's a long time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the answers.

To 12:55, thanks for the perspective on letting the kids know beforehand. That's one of the things I've been wondering about, the best way to break the news.

To 13:38, DH and I are WFH due to COVID, so we've been sort of tag-team watching them (though not as well as we'd like). The younger one is also in half-day pre-school, which is in-person. We are going to start full day for him while we figure out our next option. Full day right now isn't really full day, though, because they have reduced hours due to COVID.

The kids, especially the older one, are definitely asking about her. My MIL will likely come stay with us just to spend time with the kids while we figure out what's next...though her visit hasn't been confirmed yet.

I know everyone will be okay in the end, but I also know it'll be a rough transition. Their nanny was sobbing on the phone last night when she told us what she's decided, and DH and I are both sad to see her leave. We definitely intend to keep in touch via FaceTime etc, but for little kids I don't think that's quite the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

Sure, that would work if the child is a SOCIOPATH! After seven years, any normally developed and emotionally stable child would be upset and feel bad.

OP, yes - prepare them. “We’ve had some sad news about Nanny...”. Explain the situation in terms they can understand and stress that Nanny doesn’t have a choice. But that she will always come visit them and it will be so much fun! Tell them they can FaceTime her whenever they want and she’ll always love them. Talk about art and things they can make and send to her.

And everyone - kids, you, Nanny - cry if you feel like it when saying goodbye. Let the kids have their feelings.

My son is 8 now and still very close to his former nanny. They FaceTime a couple times a week and she used to drive down to where we moved (1.5 hours away) frequently pre-covid and will again now that she’s vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

You don't just forget about someone you care about, even kids.

I had a few nannies growing up. One would visit yearly or so and I didn't remember them. It was uncomfortable.

You again. You’ve written the same thing about 200 times. There’s clearly something very wrong with you.

Plus you had “a few nannies” - it’s very different when you’ve had just one and have passed the age of remembrance (5) like OP’s oldest.

My nanny growing up is still a part of my life. I love her dearly and I have wonderful loving parents who I’m also very close to. And it was hard for me as a kid when she moved on and I aged-out but it helped that she visited and babysat weekly.

[Anonymous]

They'll be sad but they'll adjust quickly. All children do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose watching the kids this whole time while nanny is on bereavement leave?

Since the nanny hasn't returned, bc of bereavement leave, has it become "out of sight, out of mind" for the kids by now? Are they asking about her? Might be easier not to have her come back to say goodbye if the kids have already naturally found closure.

You don't just forget about someone you care about, even kids.

I had a few nannies growing up. One would visit yearly or so and I didn't remember them. It was uncomfortable.

You again. You’ve written the same thing about 200 times. There’s clearly something very wrong with you.

Plus you had “a few nannies” - it’s very different when you’ve had just one and have passed the age of remembrance (5) like OP’s oldest.

My nanny growing up is still a part of my life. I love her dearly and I have wonderful loving parents who I’m also very close to. And it was hard for me as a kid when she moved on and I aged-out but it helped that she visited and babysat weekly.

+1. Yeah, I recognize the “uncomfortable “ PP too. She’s unwell.

My brother and I both spoke at our former nanny’s funeral. I see the way my kids light up when their nanny walk in in the morning and think they’ll have the same relationship with her as we did with our nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They'll be sad but they'll adjust quickly. All children do.

All humans do. I adjusted to losing my mother as a young child but I’d still handle my son’s nanny leaving lovingly and sensitively. Respect the kid’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old son wanted some time to talk to his departing nanny in private on her last dqy. It was so touching to know he wanted to have that final chance to share his feelings with her.