Mama and mommy

[Anonymous]

It seems among all my friends at least, in lesbian couples with kids, one is mommy and one is mama. Usually mommy is the more feminine of birth mom. Why is that? Isn’t it confusing for kids that words that are synonyms for everyone else have two distinct meanings for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems among all my friends at least, in lesbian couples with kids, one is mommy and one is mama. Usually mommy is the more feminine of birth mom. Why is that? Isn’t it confusing for kids that words that are synonyms for everyone else have two distinct meanings for your kids?

My kid only has one female parent, but was never confused by the fact that "Jane's Mama" and "Jane's Mommy" were two different people. He sometimes forgot which was which, or he'd call them "Jane's mom Mary" and "Jane's mom Sue", but he wasn't confused.

Developmentally, a child learns the words for their parents years before they are at the point that they notice that other people use the words differently.

[Anonymous]

My kids have 2 moms - and have their entire 14y. We are both femme (my wife more so than I am - but I am typically not read as a lesbian in social situtations.) We are both Mom. We started out as Mom and Mommy, but they dropped the Mommy and went to Mom around 8y. If they yell, "MOM!" and the wrong one answers, they will say, "no, the other one." But that probably happens a few times a week at most. And our friends/their friends refer to us as "Larlo's and Larla's moms." My wife and I are very different from each other in personality, interests, etc so the kids also know who is being talked about based on context.

They don't seem confused and are well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems among all my friends at least, in lesbian couples with kids, one is mommy and one is mama. Usually mommy is the more feminine of birth mom. Why is that? Isn’t it confusing for kids that words that are synonyms for everyone else have two distinct meanings for your kids?

First, that’s not the case with our family. I’m mama and gave birth to both kids (now in their teens). And I’m definitely quite femme versus my wife, who is “mommy” to our kids. You might try asking your friends how they decided who would be “mama” and who would be “mommy.”

And no, it’s not confusing at all. Kids are pretty smart and can hear the difference. They know who they’re referring to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems among all my friends at least, in lesbian couples with kids, one is mommy and one is mama. Usually mommy is the more feminine of birth mom. Why is that? Isn’t it confusing for kids that words that are synonyms for everyone else have two distinct meanings for your kids?

What do your children call their grandmothers?

[Anonymous]

Our "mama" and "mommy" titles had nothing to do with who was more or less feminine. It had to do with what we called our own mothers, which, consequently, is "mommy" and "mama."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems among all my friends at least, in lesbian couples with kids, one is mommy and one is mama. Usually mommy is the more feminine of birth mom. Why is that? Isn’t it confusing for kids that words that are synonyms for everyone else have two distinct meanings for your kids?

What do your children call their grandmothers?

And grandfathers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems among all my friends at least, in lesbian couples with kids, one is mommy and one is mama. Usually mommy is the more feminine of birth mom. Why is that? Isn’t it confusing for kids that words that are synonyms for everyone else have two distinct meanings for your kids?

Our kid has been correcting people about who is "mommy" and who is "mama" since he could talk.