Parent teacher conferences Friday....question for educators

[Anonymous]

So, parent teacher conferences are coming up and I am expecting a difficult conversation with one of my child's teachers. I have a lot of concerns that I want to talk about.

So, educators out there.....is it best to let her know my list of questions before hand? I don't want to blindside her but I have a feeling that she is going to get defensive. I feel like sometimes the tone of emails get misinterpreted. I want a record of my concerns but I can always send her an email after the conference with a summary of our discussion.
My concerns range from too much homework (quantity and busy work), unrealistic expectations, grading structure (reading logs count 10-15 times more than in class assignments), class room atmosphere, and lack of positive reinforcement. I expressed my concerns to her during a conference 2 weeks into the school year and have been communicating with the Principal about them. The Principal may attend my conference which I worry will also make her super defensive. She is new to the school but has been in PGCPS for at least 10 years.

So, do I email her a list of issues ahead of time or just come in prepared?
TIA!

[Anonymous]

This sounds like too much for a PT conference. In these conferences teachers have objectives of letting you know what is going on in class and how you child is doing. Once that is covered there is time for questions, but not on the scale you discuss here.

Perhaps use the conference time to schedule another conference after this one? Or have the principal facilitate a double-long conference for you this week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like too much for a PT conference. In these conferences teachers have objectives of letting you know what is going on in class and how you child is doing. Once that is covered there is time for questions, but not on the scale you discuss here.

Perhaps use the conference time to schedule another conference after this one? Or have the principal facilitate a double-long conference for you this week?

Thanks! That is super helpful. I've never had an issue like this before so I'm flying a little blind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like too much for a PT conference. In these conferences teachers have objectives of letting you know what is going on in class and how you child is doing. Once that is covered there is time for questions, but not on the scale you discuss here.

Perhaps use the conference time to schedule another conference after this one? Or have the principal facilitate a double-long conference for you this week?

Thanks! That is super helpful. I've never had an issue like this before so I'm flying a little blind.

You seem concerned with to backing the teacher into a corner. So I'd definitely let her do the conference as normal. If it's rushed or incomplete or you're jumping elsewhere, she's likely to be more defensive about things. Maybe just do the conference alone with agreement to discuss w/principal. It may benefit you as well to get a clear picture of how the teacher thinks things are going absent criticism - for better or for worse. You can certainly address things later.

[Anonymous]

to = not

[Anonymous]

Generally in my experience when the principal attends conferences, it's to protect their teacher from an aggressive parent. Likely all your emails have raised some flags and they want to make sure the teacher isn't alone in a room getting berated for 15 straight minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally in my experience when the principal attends conferences, it's to protect their teacher from an aggressive parent. Likely all your emails have raised some flags and they want to make sure the teacher isn't alone in a room getting berated for 15 straight minutes.

I know the Principal really well and I think she wants to come because she is gathering evidence to be able to get rid of the teacher at the end of the year. But your point is well taken and I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally in my experience when the principal attends conferences, it's to protect their teacher from an aggressive parent. Likely all your emails have raised some flags and they want to make sure the teacher isn't alone in a room getting berated for 15 straight minutes.

I know the Principal really well and I think she wants to come because she is gathering evidence to be able to get rid of the teacher at the end of the year. But your point is well taken and I appreciate it.

NP here. That also happens! I would send the teacher a courteous email with your concerns several days to the conference (not at the last minute, that's stressful), perhaps CC-ing the Principal, and add that you are aware this is a lot for a parent-teacher conference, and suggest following-up with a supplementary meeting. If worded nicely, this just tells the teacher you are prepared to see this to the end and will not let go, but does not paint you in a helicoptering light.

[Anonymous]

You need to request a separate meeting for that list.

Use this conference for it's ntended purpose - your child's progress.

[Anonymous]

I think you should send the teacher an email with your concerns and ask the teacher whether she wants to address them at the conference or if she'd rather schedule a different time to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to request a separate meeting for that list.

Use this conference for it's ntended purpose - your child's progress.

I see your point but I feel like a lot of those issues are hindering my child's progress. The homework situation just makes her resistant to read at all and causes a lot of frustration. She (and most other kids) responds better to positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Fourth graders shouldn't fear retaliation from their teacher if they speak up.

But I appreciate everyone's advice and will set up a separate meeting, hopefully sometime next week.

[Anonymous]

OP- Here
Does this read ok? Should I delete the text in bold or give that level of detail?

Ms XXX,
I am looking forward to hearing about Xxx's progress at our conference on Friday. While thinking about the meeting I’ve come up with a list of issues I would like to discuss. Firstly, we are still struggling with the reading logs and homework. I feel like amount of detail required and writing two summaries a day is asking too much for my fourth grader when it is on top of the other homework assigned for RELA. We do it because we must but it is a battle. I wonder if there would be other ways to accomplish this and would like to talk about other strategies if you are open to them. Secondly, I would like to talk to you about the use of Class Dojo points and the general atmosphere in the classroom.
Is this too much to cover in our meeting on Friday? I can set up a separate conference sometime next week if that would be better.
Thank you,
XXX




I really appreciate everyone's comments. PG Schools is one of the sane forums in DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I'm not an educator, but I'm a mom who has kids ranging from 3 - middle school. What I've done (when warranted) in the past is use that conference time to gather information to supplement or refute the things on my list that aren't directly related to my child's progress, then follow up afterwards with the results of my list + what I learned in the conference. Sometimes I can come away from the conference with a different understanding or new information I hadn't had or considered before.

[Anonymous]

NP (a teacher): I wouldn't send the email. I think the concerns you stated can be phrased in the conference (if there is time) as natural follow ons. How much time has been allotted?

When teacher discusses his language arts progress, respond with, "Thanks for that insight! We're really struggling with reading log homework. Do you have any suggestions of how to make it less painful? Is he misinterpreting the assignment? It feels like a lot of work in our household."

Then listen to what she has to say--maybe she'll suggest he writes one summary at home and does one of them during language arts at school. Maybe he's been going well beyond what was expected, and the other kids are just writing a couple sentences. Maybe the other kids aren't having an issue with it, and there's a reason it's challenging for your son.

I would not bring up class dojo unless there is something specific to your son (not "general classroom atmosphere"). "Larlo comes home stressed on days xyz happens. Can you provide more insight so we can better react at home?" She's not going to stop using the program if it works for her, just because a parent complains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not an educator, but I'm a mom who has kids ranging from 3 - middle school. What I've done (when warranted) in the past is use that conference time to gather information to supplement or refute the things on my list that aren't directly related to my child's progress, then follow up afterwards with the results of my list + what I learned in the conference. Sometimes I can come away from the conference with a different understanding or new information I hadn't had or considered before.

I think this is a great strategy. Do not email and just go in and listen to what she has to say. You can ask questions when it is time, but don't try to make her defensive. After the meeting, gather the info and ask for another meeting to address your concerns if they are warranted. The 15 minute meeting is really just a check-in. There is no time to discuss bigger issues. Plus, there is always someone at the door waiting which can make things awkward!