Are you real friends with other parents at your child's school?

[Anonymous]

I am wondering what the capacity is to make genuine friendships with parents at some of the private schools in the area. I am not asking if parents are nice, but whether real friendships among parents develop (beyond the requisite get-togethers for playdates). Do you go out to dinner together? Do you have heart-to-heart talks over the phone? (okay, that one is mostly for moms...)

If you wouldn't mind, can you name your child's school and the extent of your parental friendships?

[Anonymous]

MY child went to St. Columba's and I made ONE good friend. But it is all good. When the connections are there, they are there. When they aren't, they aren't. It is about my kid, not me. I have enough friends to go around...

[Anonymous]

Before I was married, my definition of "real friend" had something to do with someone who would bail me out of a Mexican prison in the middle of the night with a moment's notice. Using that standard, I probably have not made any "real friends" at our kids' school. BUT, I'm not really sure what the right standard is for this point in my life.

My kids go to a well known "Big 4" school. I have met more people than I can count who I really like, enjoy chatting with whenever time allows, and would have a keen interest in getting to know better if not for my full time job, barely having enough time to connect with DH, organizing my kids' schedules/playdates/etc. and some occasional efforts to go to the gym... In otherwords, I'm not really in a "season" of my life that allows for much development of deep friendships, and I'm guessing a lot of fellow parents at my DCs' school are in the same boat. That said, I have a random assortment of other moms I see for coffee or lunch, plus another circle of folks who hang together every so often on the weekends, and/or get together for full family get togethers (for example, 3-4 families get together for dinner at someone's house).

[Anonymous]

My kids go to a "Big 4". I cannot generalize too much but let me say this: there are usually 2-3 families in each year's class where there is real chemistry, so we do dinners/weekends from time to time. There are 2-3 moms I don't even want to talk to them, or maybe they don't want to talk to me. The rest are nice people, good to chat at playdates/b-day parties. All in all, you cannot expect to have a dozen real friends from each year's parents. You cannot that many anyway.

[Anonymous]

DC goes to a non-"Big Three" school that comes up on this board. I would say I have made one good friend at the school, one semi-good friend, and a few good acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

I haven't made close friendships with parents at DC's school. But I have made many new mom friends at the fitness class I joined.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have a few very close friends from DC's school and a number of more casual friendships that aren't at the confidante/plan your vacation together level, but that are still somewhat independent of kids & playdates.

Whether this is because of or despite the fact that I actively dislike many of the other parents, I don't know.

It's a "big 3" school but, given what I've said, I won't name it.

[Anonymous]

We haven't made any friends from our kid's school, but we're not really looking to. Both of us have lived here most of our lives and we've got lots of friends and family that we don't see often enough as it is.

[Anonymous]

No one is mentioned their child's age. It becomes harder to make friends as children get older. I haven't made a good friend at my child's new school; DC entered in Grade 7. That said, there are a number of people I like. But everyone's lives seem pretty full, not sure anyone's looking for more good friends, I've got plenty.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Very good friends, both female and couple friends. Go out with them a lot. Kvetch with the other moms about lots of non-child related stuff too - they are not only friends because we have kids at same school. Do occiasional girls night out (say once a month), cookouts with whole families and all too. Some of the moms work, some dont, some used to have high powered jobs, some still do, some are crazed volunteers at auction time and some, like me, avoid volunteering for the auction like the plague (although I like the party). I deeply like and respect many of the wqomen and truly love a handful. They are people I would have been friends with no matter where I met them. i gopt lucky because we choose the school because my DC liked it best. I also find my friendships from my kids' preschool days have largely survived too even though we are all at different privates (WIS, Beauvoir, St Pats, Sidwell, NPS...) now. My girl friends are, and have always been, important to me and that hasnt changed just because I am a wife and a mom and 40. I did find the years between marriage and motherhood a little thin for new friendships as I dont like to let my professional and personal lives get too close, but these days I feel like I have a rich group of old and new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't made any friends from our kid's school, but we're not really looking to. Both of us have lived here most of our lives and we've got lots of friends and family that we don't see often enough as it is.

Yes, this. Coupled with the fact I work full time, I just don't have the time/desire to chat up moms at school. I have plenty of local friends, work friends, neighbor friends, and friends from outside activities that I just don't really feel the need.