Tween kicking and hitting siblings and parents

[Anonymous]

It's out of control. If he doesn't get his way will kick, shove or hit. What happened to my little angel. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

tie him up

[Anonymous]

Kick, shove and hit who?? Slamming doors can be teenager attitude. Hitting a person--totally unacceptable. What is going on? There is an underlying problem that you need to solve.

[Anonymous]

Consequences, immediate taking away of something he values. Ipad, computer time, communication with friends.

[Anonymous]

Has he just started this up, or has he always had anger management issues?

Either way, actually, I'd get him into therapy. You don't need a teen beating the crap out of you in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Counselor, immediately. There's some sort of issue, and you obviously don't know what's going on.

Family counselor, so that everyone can work through what the tween is doing (including the tween).

Nanny, grandparent, aunt, parent's friend or any other neutral party who can step in and help at home. The tween needs time to him/herself, time with the third party, and time with each parent. The third adult needs to make sure that the current discipline system works, and if it doesn't, figure out something that will. Parents needs to go along with whatever is decided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Counselor, immediately. There's some sort of issue, and you obviously don't know what's going on.

Family counselor, so that everyone can work through what the tween is doing (including the tween).

Nanny, grandparent, aunt, parent's friend or any other neutral party who can step in and help at home. The tween needs time to him/herself, time with the third party, and time with each parent. The third adult needs to make sure that the current discipline system works, and if it doesn't, figure out something that will. Parents needs to go along with whatever is decided.

Absolutely agree. This is not normal behavior for a child this age and if you do not get outside help ASAP, you will have the school and possibly eventually the cops involved, if your tween has anger management issues that are not handled now. Please do not put off getting professional help, and please don't try to handle this alone as a family.

Bear in mind, too, that the siblings getting hit and kicked are learning a lesson from it: Their parents are not able to protect them from someone who is harming them. Not a message you want to send. Even if you are pulling the tween off them and telling the tween to stop, the other siblings still will come to feel you aren't able to protect them. Counselor or therapist for the tween and family counseling so you get advice on how to handle this.

We have family friends who only now, in high school, are getting outside help for a teen who has long had anger issues that have really affected schooling and friendships. Don't wait -- it's harder as the kid gets older.

Please be aware that this isn't necessarily just "teen hormones" or a case for harsher discipline. You need to find out what deeper thing is going on.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely agree. I had a sibling who did this with no intervention from my parents and it escalated in truly terrifying ways. Have a counselor work with you and DS to figure out possible causes of the behavior and implement a family plan to change the behavior.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal. Seek professional help.

[Anonymous]

As kids get bigger, aggressive behavior becomes a bigger problem. Practically speaking, you get to the point where you can't protect yourself and your other kids because they are physically more powerful than you. Further, an aggressive person has far more strength and power when agitated than they would have otherwise, which makes control far more difficult. I agree that you need to get help and do it now. Also, you might want to consider how you are going to protect yourself and your other kids until your son's behavior is under control - things like locks on your other kids' bedroom doors so they have a place to escape.

I spent a lot of my career working with aggressive kids and teens. It can get scary really fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As kids get bigger, aggressive behavior becomes a bigger problem. Practically speaking, you get to the point where you can't protect yourself and your other kids because they are physically more powerful than you. Further, an aggressive person has far more strength and power when agitated than they would have otherwise, which makes control far more difficult. I agree that you need to get help and do it now. Also, you might want to consider how you are going to protect yourself and your other kids until your son's behavior is under control - things like locks on your other kids' bedroom doors so they have a place to escape.

I spent a lot of my career working with aggressive kids and teens. It can get scary really fast.

I agree with this. I would also ask the counselor to recommend someone who can teach you how to hold him immobilized when he gets violent. No, it's not something that a parent should do with a child who isn't acting violent, but when it comes down to you needing to protect yourself and your other children, an immobilizing hold for the violent child is less likely to hurt you or that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's out of control. If he doesn't get his way will kick, shove or hit. What happened to my little angel. Any suggestions?

You don't blame yourselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's out of control. If he doesn't get his way will kick, shove or hit. What happened to my little angel. Any suggestions?

You don't blame yourselves?

Blame doesn't help anyone at this point. And there's no guarantee that OP did anything wrong, so no guarantee that she is to blame for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's out of control. If he doesn't get his way will kick, shove or hit. What happened to my little angel. Any suggestions?

You don't blame yourselves?

Blame doesn't help anyone at this point. And there's no guarantee that OP did anything wrong, so no guarantee that she is to blame for anything.

Totally agree. Let's forgo the usual blame/guilt/shame postings that are so common on this site, and help OP get a handle on this.