S/o Help making/keeping friends in middle school?! How/when to meet other kids

[Anonymous]

How can kids connect with other kids during the school day? In her huge middle school (6th grade) my daughter (and her peers say the same) seems to only know the kids they knew before school started. They can't talk in class, they're rushed in the hall transitions and they can't choose who they sit with at lunch. What are some ways to meet new people at school? It seems like pre-formed cliques are just staying together, unfortunately.

I understand the benefit of non-school peer groups from after school activities. My daughter did a sixth grade sports team and liked it BUT half the team went to school together and all the other kids (except for my DD) joined the team with a friend. It makes things tough! The only kids in our neighborhood her age are boys.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

OP, I have had the exact same thoughts since the beginning of the year. I have been chatting up a lot of moms of seventh graders about this very issue and they say it happens, but takes a while before the friendships really are cemented. I think after school activities/clubs help as does Outdoor Ed (if you are in MoCo).

[Anonymous]

Granted my girl wound up at a small public charter school for middle so things may be different. I think she can sit with whoever she wants at lunch. She stared sixth grade literally knowing nobody except two boys. At the end of the first day she walked out with one new friend (strangely, a girl so shy it took her a year to talk to me, while DD is the most outgoing person ever). I think at her school there are quite a number of group projects. So she met kids through that. Plus before and after school. Plus she met kids through her elementary school friends. "Oh, you're at Duple School for middle? My friend from ballet Chloe is there!"

[Anonymous]

sounds more like jail than middle school.

the only answer is activities, but that's hard because not all kids enjoy adding more to their day.

[Anonymous]

After school activities both at school and other.

[Anonymous]

I never thought I'd be sad that my tween wasn't texting and busy with friend stuff in the evenings but she seems lonely.

She claims not to be interested in any of the after school clubs and wants to just come home every day. I guess I should make her stay after school but it's a catch 22: she doesn't want to stay after school because she doesn't know anyone but she doesn't know anyone because she doesn't stay after school!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I'd be sad that my tween wasn't texting and busy with friend stuff in the evenings but she seems lonely.

She claims not to be interested in any of the after school clubs and wants to just come home every day. I guess I should make her stay after school but it's a catch 22: she doesn't want to stay after school because she doesn't know anyone but she doesn't know anyone because she doesn't stay after school!!!

You can't make her do it. You can strongly recommend a club (theater kids tend to be inclusive) but you can't make her do it. She
s getting big.

[Anonymous]

Any good after school or weekend ideas for middle schoolers looking to meet new peers that don't require already being experienced with the activity/sport in VA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any good after school or weekend ideas for middle schoolers looking to meet new peers that don't require already being experienced with the activity/sport in VA?

Same question for NW DC.

[Anonymous]

My kid is in 8th grade at a huge middle school. It was really hard in 6th grade but what you need to do is find an after school thing (with school kids) that you can do. Most big schools have clubs - drama, chess, improv, babysitter, art, writing, rec sports, etc. Then, the kid stays after school with kids with similar interests.

Another thing we did in 6th grade is invite a few kids over that my kid met in class. The actually did work on a few group projects and my kid liked these two other kids so we just invited them over a few times.

Evenutually my kid found his group and yours will too but it takes more work at a big school.

[Anonymous]

Girl Scouts has been a lifesaver for my child. She's shy so the transition was difficult and other afterschool clubs were okay but she didn't keep up with other kids. Schedules are difficult to arrange with all the activities kids do.

Her scout troop is very active, very STEM and camping oriented, so they work on lots of projects and camp together. They all started out in the same elementary school and now they go to four or five different schools. When they talk it's not just gossip about kids at their own school it's about how they feel and how they are fitting in, it's been very beneficial.

You have to be involved as a parent to keep the troop going, so it's also a family commitment but it's been worth it for us.

[Anonymous]

Honestly as a former middle schooler myself who arrived at a huge public school from another country, it takes time.

Also you have to work out in class who might be open to friendship. You don't consider the cliques you look at the individuals and you talk to them and find out about them and friendships grow from there.

But this is what your child has to do, for his / herself at school and eventually friendships really will flourish.

[Anonymous]

I strongly believe this needs to happen organically. It took my son most of 6 grade to find/make new friends. It did happen but slowly. He joined a few clubs-jazz band, theater, track and met others in class. Middle school really is a time of independence, nothing good will happen by orchestrating their social lives in ms, be patient they will get there. Besides only need a couple of good friends.

[Anonymous]

Chit-chat at lunch, library, between classes and during extracurriculars.

Then your kid has to be the bold one to issue the invitation to "hang out" (banish the idiotic "play date" language from your lexicon) after school/Friday night, whatever. Get a bunch and go to roller skating or whatever on Saturday in Arlington.