Bat Mitzvah gift

[Anonymous]

Attending my first one. I understand from previous threads that a check is the preferred gift and $18 is a key multiplier.

I would appreciate any advice on the amount.


We are friends of the parents and our kids are friends as well. Have known family 10+ years.
Three of us will be attending. Party will be held in a suburban restaurant location.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

$144

[Anonymous]

Just give what you can and feel is appropriate, I'm sure any amount will be appreciated. When my son attended his friends bat mitzvah a few years ago he gave $54. We were not super close but had been friends with the family since our boys started school together at age 3. My son went alone as the invitation was addressed to him only.

[Anonymous]

Agree with $144.

[Anonymous]

Jew here whose daughter is being batmitzvahed this year. No need to do the $18 multiplier. I think $100 is fine, or less if that's a lot for your family. Personally, I don't care about the gift amount - some of our guests have even given donations in my daughter's honor, and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the suggestions.

At weddings we tend to be near the $200-250 gift range (from us both) and was not sure if we should be more/less for three people attending this celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the suggestions.

At weddings we tend to be near the $200-250 gift range (from us both) and was not sure if we should be more/less for three people attending this celebration.

Similar range. Last one we attended (family of 3) I gave 200.

[Anonymous]

Jewish mom of a girl about to have her Bat Mitzvah. I agree that the multiples of 18 isn't important. 200 is well beyond our means for this kind of thing, so I would expect that only from our closest relatives and really close longterm friends. I will say that this is really really really not about the gifts but rather about our daughter making a public stance of joining the Jewish community as an adult and then us getting to have all of her close friends and relatives celebrate for an evening, and I suspect it's likely the case in OP's sitaution as well. I think a donation in the honor of the child having the Bat Mitzvah - particularly to a cause associated with her or her interests in some way (especially if linked to her mitzvah project) is a great idea. The amount is immaterial whether you give cash/check or donation in her honor.

[Anonymous]

Another jewish mom of a girl. A bat mitzvah is significantly more tag a birthday party. The party is similar to a wedding, only it's more as the child learns and recites many prayers at the service. It will cost our family roughly 55,000. Would you attend a wedding and not give a gift. 200 for a family of 3 and 54 if just your child attends. It's not all about the gift, but don't be cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another jewish mom of a girl. A bat mitzvah is significantly more tag a birthday party. The party is similar to a wedding, only it's more as the child learns and recites many prayers at the service. It will cost our family roughly 55,000. Would you attend a wedding and not give a gift. 200 for a family of 3 and 54 if just your child attends. It's not all about the gift, but don't be cheap.

And my DD's very nice Bat Mitzvah was $15K. We had 90 people. I did not care what we got. I was just happy that she did a good job and had fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the suggestions.

At weddings we tend to be near the $200-250 gift range (from us both) and was not sure if we should be more/less for three people attending this celebration.

Then I would do the same in this situation of that's the norm among your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jewish mom of a girl about to have her Bat Mitzvah. I agree that the multiples of 18 isn't important. 200 is well beyond our means for this kind of thing, so I would expect that only from our closest relatives and really close longterm friends. I will say that this is really really really not about the gifts but rather about our daughter making a public stance of joining the Jewish community as an adult and then us getting to have all of her close friends and relatives celebrate for an evening, and I suspect it's likely the case in OP's sitaution as well. I think a donation in the honor of the child having the Bat Mitzvah - particularly to a cause associated with her or her interests in some way (especially if linked to her mitzvah project) is a great idea. The amount is immaterial whether you give cash/check or donation in her honor.

Jewish mom of a boy and this is exactly right. But I would say that jewelry or other nice, lasting gifts are just fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another jewish mom of a girl. A bat mitzvah is significantly more tag a birthday party. The party is similar to a wedding, only it's more as the child learns and recites many prayers at the service. It will cost our family roughly 55,000. Would you attend a wedding and not give a gift. 200 for a family of 3 and 54 if just your child attends. It's not all about the gift, but don't be cheap.

I'm 14:21 here. This just shows how many different variations of "Bat Mitzvah" there are. Ours will cost about $15,000, which is a lot of money for our family. My wedding cost less than $20,000 so clearly we are in a different world than the PP I quoted.

Anyway, I will reiterate that we really really really don't care about the amount people give, and I would be surprised if DD's friends could all afford $54 or $200 (if family is invited). I personally don't think that the gifts attendees give should have the slightest thing to do with how much we are spending on the event, but apparently not everyone feels this way as is shown by the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with $144.

That is an amount for people in well-to-do circles. Hardly anyone gave my son that much. I generally give about $100 to family friends and less to kids who are just friends of my kid. I don't give based on the "quality" of the party.

I don't think ill of anyone who gave my kid "less than average."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another jewish mom of a girl. A bat mitzvah is significantly more tag a birthday party. The party is similar to a wedding, only it's more as the child learns and recites many prayers at the service. It will cost our family roughly 55,000. Would you attend a wedding and not give a gift. 200 for a family of 3 and 54 if just your child attends. It's not all about the gift, but don't be cheap.

And my DD's very nice Bat Mitzvah was $15K. We had 90 people. I did not care what we got. I was just happy that she did a good job and had fun.

Our very nice Bar Mitzvah came in around $10. The party was nothing like a wedding.