What happens if you leave your husband, and a couple of months later, you get laid off?

[Anonymous]

I am thinking seriously about leaving DH (many many reason I won't get into - suffice it to say, I could not be more miserable in this marriage). In any event, given the current state of the economy, and given that my boss has been making life very difficult for me lately, I am fearful that I could leave husband and then get a kick in the face in the form of a lay-off. Now, husband makes much more than I do, and his job is quite secure. I make enough to give a reasonably OK life to my kids, even without child support (I note that, knowing husband, it will be like pulling teeth to get my child support and alimony). But the problem is, I don't feel secure in my job. I don't know what happens if you leave and then get laid off soon thereafter. Do the courts automatically have ex increase monthly support until you get back on your feet? I think I need to start saving a stash of cash for that rainy day if it comes, but I'm just wondering if anyone has input on this situation, or has had any experience with it. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Do the courts automatically have ex increase monthly support until you get back on your feet?

No. Going to court costs thousands. You'd have to work with your husband/ex. There are child support guidelines. They're online. (At least DC's are.) You can play around with the numbers.
Do you have funds for an attorney? They often require a retainer. $10,000 is common.

[Anonymous]

One thing I learned from my separation, you can put just about anything in your agreement. You should ask a lawyer. But my uneducated opinion is, you could put something in the agreement like:

"Husband and wife agree to abide by the (state) guidelines for child support. Wife will notify husband of any change in employment or income status and provide proper supporting documentation. The parties agree to adjust child support accordingly within one month of said notification."

Now of course, there's no guarantee that he would sign this and agree to it. But it doesn't hurt to try. I put everything I wanted in my agreement and my ex agreed to all of it! I was amazed.

A lawyer can help you craft such a paragraph to best protect your and your child's interests.

[Anonymous]

It's called modification language, it's triggered by a change in circumstances. I would NOT include language that requires that either party notify the other in case of any change in income status -- that would include a 1% raise or a $500 bonus. Usually you craft it with percentages, if either parent's income increases or decreases by XX% etc. you both agree to revisit and possibly modify the child support.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all. This is all very helpful, practical advice!

[Anonymous]

Oh another thing I put in my agreement: I don't remember the exact language, but it was along the lines of: "Husband agrees to utilize direct deposit for child support payments, as a payroll deduction' So in other words he agreed to have it come directly out of his paycheck and into my account. No arguments, no hassles (hopefully).

[Anonymous]

15:00 I had no idea this was possible. I wonder if all employers would/could do this. Is your ex in the private sector?

[Anonymous]

It's always a good idea to have a nest egg in the case of that rainy day. This is also a great time to increase the quality of your other relationships, as you will need lots of support. Divorce brings out the truth in relationships, and most people end up taking sides. Predict this, and know that the first year can be exhausting, despite the exhilaration that comes from finally getting out of a situation that you know you shouldn't be in to begin with.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:00 I had no idea this was possible. I wonder if all employers would/could do this. Is your ex in the private sector?

Hi there,

Well it requires your ex to submit the paperwork with his HR dept. When you fill out your payroll forms for direct deposit, you tell the HR/payroll person, I want x amount inthis checking, x amount in that savings, x amount in this checking. So your ex would just need to get a copy of your voided check and direct his payroll firm to do this. Most employers use direct deposit nowadays.

Your ex would need to comply with what you put in the agreement. If he didn't, you'd have to take him back to court to get him ordered to do so. Then I guess the judge can also order the employer to do it? But I don't think it will come to that with my ex.

My ex is currently unemployed. I did this in the event that someday he actually gets a job

I like this approach because it eliminates the angry exchange of a check each month if the paying partner resents the child support. It becomes invisible to them, pretty much.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. This wouldn't work for me, I wouldn't want my ex's HR folks to know what he's paying in child support, I doubt he would either. We have accounts at the same bank, he transfers the funds at an ATM into my account at the beginning of each month. I'm really lucky because he's very reliable there. (He is maddening on other levels!)

[Anonymous]

My son's dad went through his bank and twice a month has money withdrawn from his account, sent to Child Support Enforcement who then directly deposit that amount into my checking account. I wouldn't have it any other way. There is no need for us to even discuss it.