Secrets to a happy marriage

[Anonymous]

As a divorced person, this article makes me want to cry: http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/5-secrets-happy-marriage-181932455.html

re: the advice to hang around with other "happily marrieds". The most continually painful thing about my divorce has been the friends who stopped socializing with me afterwards. I understand the advice, and I understand people need to protect their own marriages. But reading this is like a punch in the gut

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry that your married friends have distanced you since the divorce. One of my best friends is recently single and We still spend a lot of time together. It helps that we have kids the same age and she keeps griping about her ex to a minimum. We still have the same friendship we had before. But we were always girlfriends. My DH never liked her DH much. Maybe it would be different with couple friends?

[Anonymous]

You are learning who your real friends are. Thats a painful blessing in disguise.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she means to have married friends but not at the exclusion of others.

My father won't hang out with married couples (finds them boring) and all of his friends are die hard bachelors with moderate drinking issues.

If they had just a few married couple friends it might be good for them ? Just a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

That article is nonsense. What about sober couples who have friends of all combinations (married, single, divorced, widowed, childless, parents, etc.)? What about attractive couples -- are they doomed according to this one internet list?

Have perspective. Internet lists come out all the time, signifying nothing. You may be losing friends now, but new ones are always around the corner.

Have faith in yourself. Friendships come and go, cool and rewarm and cool again. On the other hand, take this as a teachable moment. Friends who back off now are unreliable. Fair weather friends are mere acquaintances. Real friends are there when you need them most, like now.

Hold on. New friends -- and new love -- will reach out to you when you least expect it.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sex. And kids. Then more sex

[Anonymous]

Not being too superficial.

Not being too controlling.

Having interests of your own.

The ability to admit your faults.

A sense of humor.

A sexual/romantic interest in your partner.

Having fun with DH/DW.

A willingness to try new things and make changes.

[Anonymous]

Secret? Work hard so you don't have to see each other too much, then play hard-enjoy your free time or vacation as special time with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced person, this article makes me want to cry: http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/5-secrets-happy-marriage-181932455.html

re: the advice to hang around with other "happily marrieds". The most continually painful thing about my divorce has been the friends who stopped socializing with me afterwards. I understand the advice, and I understand people need to protect their own marriages. But reading this is like a punch in the gut

Meh, that article is bullshit. I am very happily married, and I would never ditch a divorced friend to "protect my marriage." (I'm not really speaking hypothetically, either; my BFF went through a long, painful divorce, and my husband was totally cool with me prioritizing time with her when she needed me). I think that beig. A good partner and being a good friend can require very similar attitudes, and I would respect my spouse less if he wasn't there for a friend who needed him. All the best to you, OP, and I hope you find some better friends!

[Anonymous]

Be nice to your wife; pay attention to her; don't invade her space; don't interfere with something she is doing on her own, even if it involves lethal voltages; pay all the bills and take her to nice places on vacation and work trips.

works for me.

[Anonymous]

My secrets to my happy marriage is
1. Dictate the process or the desired outcome - but never both. You can say "cut the peppers like this" or "I need peppers cut for the soup by 1pm" - don't micromanage.
2. Your way is not the only way. If it's not costing us a lot of money and no one is likely to get hurt, I let DH do things his way - even if it is driving me nuts.
3. Never say no to affection. The book, knitting, TV show, DCUM, Candy Crush will be there later. Take 30 min for pillow talk or cuddling or sex - you never know how busy you'll be tomorrow. You can always pack lunches in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Being considerate (of spouse).
Use Please and Thank You to let them know they are appreciated. (We do it with strangers, but not with our loved ones.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My secrets to my happy marriage is
1. Dictate the process or the desired outcome - but never both. You can say "cut the peppers like this" or "I need peppers cut for the soup by 1pm" - don't micromanage.
2. Your way is not the only way. If it's not costing us a lot of money and no one is likely to get hurt, I let DH do things his way - even if it is driving me nuts.
3. Never say no to affection. The book, knitting, TV show, DCUM, Candy Crush will be there later. Take 30 min for pillow talk or cuddling or sex - you never know how busy you'll be tomorrow. You can always pack lunches in the morning.

+1000. Few oversexed partners are discontent in their relationships. Don't fall into the trap of making them undersexed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be nice to your wife; pay attention to her; don't invade her space; don't interfere with something she is doing on her own, even if it involves lethal voltages; pay all the bills and take her to nice places on vacation and work trips.

works for me.

I did not know my husband was on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

My wife had a friend who got divorced. She stopped hanging around that person mainly because that person's lifestyle changed. The newly divorced woman suddenly started spending a lot of time hanging out at bars as if she was back in her 20s.

Also, divorce seems to have epidemiological characteristics.
http://www.salon.com/2013/10/21/science_divorce_could_be_contagious/