Balancing time between 2 sets of grandparents
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Anonymous
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We are still adjusting to living away from family, and trying to keep things "fair" when we visit our hometowns (not far from each other) since both sides of the family want to spend time with the grandkids.
One home has one small bedroom for me, dh, 3 year old, and infant to share. Once we have loaded in the toddler size blow up bed and pack n play, our bags have to stay in the hallway because of lack of space. No common space like a living room that would work for additional sleeping space (for several reasons - cleanliness, their pets, their late night insomnia...). We usually feel the need to sweep or vacuum the room upon arriving, and to give the bathroom a good wipe down. The other home has 2 separate bedrooms for us and a selection of crib, twin, and toddler bed that stay there so we don't need to bring any additional gear. Plenty of space. Clean and comfortable. Trying as best as we can to keep the peace, but we are obviously more comfortable in the second choice. Anyone else face this one, and manage to find a way to keep everyone happy, including yourselves? We can certainly suck it up at the first house when there's no way around it, but it's hard to not resent our time there when dealing with all of us and our not yet sleeping through the night exhaustion. |
Anonymous
| Stay in a hotel when you visit the first set. Problem solved. |
Anonymous
| which home do your parents live in? First or second? |
Anonymous
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Op here. They wouldn't accept us staying in a hotel because the point is for them to spend time with the kids. And the other family lives nearby so its not worth it for us to spend money on a hotel when we have a place to stay. And a hotel wouldn't be much better with the baby being this small. If it wasn't for family visits we would be putting most travel on hold for another couple of months.
Doesn't matter which is mine and which is ILs. This isn't a personal attack on anyone, its a problem with the living space. Dh and I are both on the same page here too. |
Anonymous
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Either stay in a hotel for the 1 room visit stay with the 2 room family and go back and forth. Explain to the 1 room family that you won't be staying over period.
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Anonymous
I agree with this. They will accept it if they want to see your kids. |
Anonymous
| Stay with family 2 where you are comfortable but spend lots of time with Family 1. Family 1 might be a little put out at first, but when they see they are still getting lots of time with the kids, they will likely calm down. |
Anonymous
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OP, folks have given a really good suggestion to stay in a hotel, but you seem determined to just suffer through with the stay at the small house. You've even gone so far as to say that the hotel wouldn't be better anyway. What other option could there be? Sleep in the shed?
When you stay in a hotel, you're just sleeping there. You can spend the day with the grandparents and have your meals with them at the house. How about just trying it one time? Let everyone know that you're trying this idea out. See how it works rather than finding ways to dismiss it off the bat. |
Anonymous
| I would stay at home #2 for all visits "home" just say there is too much baby / kid gear to haul back and forth from DC to your hometown & you dont what that to get in the way of visits. You can still go to house #1 for breakfast or treat grandparents #1 to the pancake house etc if they want to spend all day with your kids. |
Anonymous
| I'd stay at home #2, but allow the 3 year old to have some overnights at home #1. It will give the other set of grandparents some special one on one time with the older child. |
Anonymous
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I'd probably split the time between the homes as best as I could. How often do you make these visits and how long do you intend to stay?
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Anonymous
| Adding: once our kids got past the infant/young toddler stage, they did fine in sleeping bags. The blow up bed, pack 'n play, baby gear is really only necessary when they are very little. In fact, when our kids were small we used to put the oldest in a sleeping bag on the floor and the youngest would sleep either in his car seat or in between us on the bed. |
Anonymous
This. As the kids get older, you can start letting each grandparents house have some overnights without you. You get some adult time with each parent, you get a few nights off, and the kids get alone time with grandparents. Everyone wins. |
Anonymous
| Stay first at larger house. Leave bags there. A couple of times during visit overnight at the smaller house. 3 year old sleeps with you in bed, pack and play for baby. Leave your extra clothes/diapers in your car so you have them if needed but they arent in in the way. You then greatly limit what you schlep over and both families get over nights. Rinse and repeat 1-2 more times as your schedule allows. |
Anonymous
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our parents live two miles from one another. we have chosen to just stay at the same house for every trip home. its so much nicer to have a routine because we kalways stay at the same place. i also dont want to resnet and hate staying at the one hoise to the point it ruins the visits.
i do feel the other family gets short changed with time but not enough that i feel its completely unfair. we try to make sure enough is scheduled with them but i cant do much about that unscheduled tome before bed or first thing in the am. my parents and in laws dont mix easily but if yours do could you invite the one set to visit at the house you prefer to stay at? i wish our parents lived further away i hate having to bounce between houses for visits. we go home far less because it is too stressful and no one feels like they had enough time. i know people complain about it but i think it would be nice where a weekend visit could focus on one family and wuality time vs two families and limited time. |