Has anyone chosen Bethesda Elementary over Sidwell for K?

[Anonymous]

There might be good reasons to choose a private school over Bethesda Elementary School (e.g. the smaller class size). However, concern about manners, politeness and morals is definitely not one of them.
My experience (my kids are in a Montgomery County school in the Bethesda area) shows this concern to be completely misguided. The kids are polite and considerate. A lot of time is actually spent reinforcing positive values. Schools can easily teach values without offending anyone.

Also, to correct another misconception - my kids did not have to slow down to the lowest common denominator. They were provided with more advanced instruction (one or more years above grade level) when this was appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Our son is a high school student at Sidwell, having started there in middle school after attending an MCPS elementary school from K-6. I can assure you that his public school classmates were as mannerly -- sometimes more so -- than his classmates at Sidwell. I've always been puzzled by the assumption that many parents make that manners are not taught by public school parents and teachers. I've never seen any evidence of that. My children's public school teachers provide fine models of courtesy toward one another, their students and parents.

As for values, I agree with those PPs who have distinguished between teaching about values -- for example, empathy, integrity, fairness --which certainly takes place at our local public school, and teaching about religion, which does not take place for reasons that go to the core of our beliefs as Americans. (And, I'll note that I'm an every-Sunday-going church lady.)

Our son had a great experience -- academically and socially -- at our MCPS school. He was very well prepared to enter a challenging independent school, as we expect our daughter, who is now a student at the same elementary school, to be when and if we decide to have her to switch to an independent school at some time in the future. In our experience the major distinction between public and private schools in this area is class size, which certainly benefits most children. Nonetheless, at the elementary school level MCPS offers excellent teachers, a strong basic curriculum, the opportunity to attend school with your neighbors, and a culture that does not emphasize wealth and status as is too often the case at many independent schools.

[Anonymous]

I was actually told by a student at Bethesda Elementary that the other children's manners, especially at lunch time, are "so gross." And, by a newly enrolled student's (moved to Washington) parent that the parents at Bethesda Elementary were less than welcoming and friendly and mannerly to new families and that there was little sense of community or inclusiveness. This was in contrast to how they were treated at their other child's DC private school. This persisted even after over a year at the schools.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that this thread has gone on for 3 pages and OP has not yet found anyone who turned down Sidwell for Bethesda Elementary. This is not because one is clearly superior to the other. It is because parents who apply to Sidwell know the amount of tuition in advance and they are psychologically prepared to pay it. In other words, if you're one of the PPs who would choose Bethesda Elementary (or Sidwell) in a heartbeat, you would have seen no need to apply to Sidwell (or consider Bethesda Elementary). You therefore would not be faced with OP's dilemma of being admitted to a school that she made at least an initial determination was "worth the price" and now, being asked to actually pony up the cash, wondering if her initial determination is correct. FWIW, I think this is a decision that can only be a matter of OP's and DH's own preference, informed by their own values and knowledge of DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that this thread has gone on for 3 pages and OP has not yet found anyone who turned down Sidwell for Bethesda Elementary. This is not because one is clearly superior to the other. It is because parents who apply to Sidwell know the amount of tuition in advance and they are psychologically prepared to pay it. In other words, if you're one of the PPs who would choose Bethesda Elementary (or Sidwell) in a heartbeat, you would have seen no need to apply to Sidwell (or consider Bethesda Elementary). You therefore would not be faced with OP's dilemma of being admitted to a school that she made at least an initial determination was "worth the price" and now, being asked to actually pony up the cash, wondering if her initial determination is correct. FWIW, I think this is a decision that can only be a matter of OP's and DH's own preference, informed by their own values and knowledge of DC.

Actually, the inference that you draw from the comments so far is not warranted. An equally plausible inference is that this Board is frequented by private school wannabes rather than parents of public elementary students.

[Anonymous]

If OP has the choice she implies, ie her DC has been accepted at Sidwell for K, I don't think she's a "private school wannabe," she's a parent who has a choice of private or public school for her child. Whatever she ends up choosing, what's it to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was actually told by a student at Bethesda Elementary that the other children's manners, especially at lunch time, are "so gross." And, by a newly enrolled student's (moved to Washington) parent that the parents at Bethesda Elementary were less than welcoming and friendly and mannerly to new families and that there was little sense of community or inclusiveness. This was in contrast to how they were treated at their other child's DC private school. This persisted even after over a year at the schools.

Many of our neighborhood children attend the local public schools. They are all friendly and polite. But at home and at school, they behave in a really gross fashion? They all live in a dichotomy?

[Anonymous]

A lot of parents seem to be seeing what they want to see in these schools. Local public? Gross table manners. Ritzy private? Snotty, entitled kids. Sense of community? Wherever I find parents just like me. Or -- wherever I'm lucky enough to miss meeting the few obnoxious boors my first night at the PTO.

Either stereotype helps reinforce the particular decision that you want to make. And if you did choose a particular school, you have a lot invested in it and you're probably willing to turn a blind eye to its failings.

Anyway, when my kids were at private there were food fights with milk flying....

Best to acknowledge the real reasons you want to go private, whether they are valid (small class size) or invalid (getting off on the status thing). And not blame your decision on whether kids at the local public have been to finishing school.

[Anonymous]

How am I to judge whether other parents' reasons are valid or invalid? I may or may not have made the same decision given the choices they confronted, but who's to judge whether my decision would have been better?

[Anonymous]

True enough. What's valid to me may not be valid to you, and vice versa.

All I'm saying is that there seems to be a lot of unacknowledged stuff going on beneath the surface here at DCUM. We don't really know what people are basing their decisions on. The dig about public school table manners, based on some second-hand report from a friend, seems to be a typical example. It's possible that table manners are the only, single thing that matters for that particular poster, but I sort of doubt it. If that poster wants private for some other reason, she should just say so.