Should I tell the teacher that DD says that she is mean?

[Anonymous]

My 5th grade DD hates school...she always has. She says that she hates her teacher this year because she is mean. She's had good teachers in the past that don't yell and are a bit more "soft", but this year, we've landed a real winner!! I know my DD needs to "grow up" and realize that there will always be demanding teachers who are not warm and cuddly, but the teacher wants to schedule a conference based on her performance and test results in class. I know for my DD that her lack of performance is because she just does not like her teacher at all and could really care less about tests or homework. The conference it tomorrow morning. I plan on addressing the fact that she hates school, but should I tell the teacher that my DD thinks that she is mean?

[Anonymous]

We are facing this as well and my advice is to not make it about the teacher's personality since it is not going to change. My DC is younger and quite reserved/ sensitive so I simply said that he is not happy and let me know if she sees anything to make me aware of. I then went on to say I think they have different styles of relating to one another and so how can we work together so that he gets through the year successfully. My DH was the one to caution me to not make it about her. Of course, we ( the parents) do thunk she is excellent academically but not warm and fuzzy at all -- so I guess we can be more laid back. If however, the teacher is truly mean then I guess you might need a different approach then the one we took. The up side is the 2 nd half of the year flies. And, you are teaching your child just like we did to help them understand that they are going to encounter difficult people their entire life! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar problem this year, though our DD is only 5. We brought it up with the principal, who "reviewed classroom practices" with the teacher, and since then, the teacher has made an effort to actually greet kids when they arrive in the morning instead of just being surly. The situation is much, much better now.

Obviously for a fifth grader, the situation is a bit different.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between being strict and being mean. If the teacher is expecting the class to not talk during class, homework to be done on time (no to few exceptions), write neatly, look up at the board when she is teaching ,etc., then no, don't say anything because she is just strict. I think this applies even if the teacher enforces his/her rules through some type of punishment.

If the teacher is literally yelling during class, or saying mean comments to students (e.g., "I can't teach you", "I don't have time to help you", "You will never understand this"), then tell the principal.

[Anonymous]

You might tell the teacher that your daughter thinks the teacher dislikes her. That is arguably sharing your daughter's impression of how she is perceived with the teacher. Telling a 5th grade teacher that your daughter thinks she's mean will get you nowhere, unless you can cite specific incidents that interfere with your daughter's ability to learn.

It's a tough one to deal with. You don't want your kids to be babies, but it seems to me more common now than when I was growing up that teachers follow practices that turn kids off (affirmatively belitting students, no credit unless every section of a homework assignment is completed, no credit if an assignment is turned in late, etc.). Some teachers are great, and some just landed in teaching positions because they weren't qualified for anything else.

[Anonymous]

What are the examples your daughter gives of her being mean?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the previous poster's question...what are the examples your daughter gives in reference to thinking her teacher is mean? As another poster pointed out, there is a large difference between strict and mean, however, a fifth grader who already dislikes school will probably not make the distinction.

[Anonymous]

If your daughter has always hated school, why are you pinning the problem on this teacher.