Explaining where babies come from?

[Anonymous]

I'm a lesbian mom with a 3.5-year-old daughter. My partner is currently 3 months pregnant (by donor), and I'm sure our DD will have some questions in regards to where babies come from. I'm not sure how to explain this when it comes up. Obviously the traditional "when mommy and daddy love each other very much..." doesn't apply here. At the same time, I don't want to confuse her and make her think that all babies are concieved by an annonymous male donor. What is the best way for glbt parents to go about explaining the birds and the bees? I'd love to hear what experiences other couples (both gay and lesbian) have had with this.

[Anonymous]

Not a GBLT parent, but I wanted to let you know that we just got the greatest book, that includes all kinds of family (black, white, asian, hispanic, single mom, two moms, two dads, grandparents, mom and dad, etc.) and all ways to have kids (artificial insemination, adoption, etc.). It also describes the whole thing in a way that was very easy for my 4.5 yr old to grasp. See http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1216126059&sr=8-1

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but I will definitely check out the book referenced.

Some LGBT parents talk about it taking three things to make a baby: a sperm, an egg and a womb - and then take it from there (the distinction allows people who use surrogates to explain the process as well, not just those who use donors).

[Anonymous]

08:48 Here - There may be other books that are more focused on LGBT issues. This definitely does talk about men and women having sex and making babies that way primarily, but it also does address other ways to make babies too. It also shows how girls and boys bodies are the same (elbows, hair, etc.) and different (penis, vulva, etc.). And it shows how bodies change when one ages. Again, not an LGBT parent, so I am sure that I am not as sensitive to some of the matters that you are wanting to address with your kids, but I would say it is worth checking out this book and seeing if it would work for your family.

[Anonymous]

Okay.. this kid is 3 1/2 years old. It doesn't need to be that complicated. We're doing IVF and have explained it to the 3 year old very different than we explained it to the 8 year old. To the 3 year old the old "there's going to be a baby growing in Mommy's tummy" works just as well. The 8 year old got the more technical response of "women have 'eggs' and men have 'sperm' and it takes both to make a baby. He knows we are working with a sperm bank where they sell the sperm and he accepts that without too much more questioning.

[Anonymous]

my son started to be asked "where's your daddy" when he was 2 1/2 years old. the questions seem to start sooner when you're a one parent family. i found the todd parr books terrific for when he was in the 2s and 3s particularly the family book. he responded to the humor as well as to the messages about all different kinds of families and how love makes a family. as he has gotten older he's asked for a bit more information. he knows he came out of my tummy, and he knows a man (donor, donor dad (what he once named him), father, you pick what you say) helped me make him. meeting a half-sister obviously prompted another talk. the talks are always short, and it's not clear exactly what he grasps. he's definitely not ready for understanding about sperm and eggs, but when he is, we're ready with the book, "it's so amazing." you should check that one out for down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay.. this kid is 3 1/2 years old. It doesn't need to be that complicated. We're doing IVF and have explained it to the 3 year old very different than we explained it to the 8 year old. To the 3 year old the old "there's going to be a baby growing in Mommy's tummy" works just as well. The 8 year old got the more technical response of "women have 'eggs' and men have 'sperm' and it takes both to make a baby. He knows we are working with a sperm bank where they sell the sperm and he accepts that without too much more questioning.

agree with this one--my 3 year old is interested in where babies come from--2 of his friend's moms are having babies, and he just wants to know how they get out of the tummy. I don't think at this age they need the details of how the baby got there in the first place. if she's grown seeds in preschool or something, maybe use that as a comparison, but I don't think kids that age even get the whole conception thing, regardless of the type of family.

When I was 8 mos pregnant my friend told her daughter, around 3, that there was a baby in my tummy and the little girl looked at me and said, "You mean she ate the whole thing?!" Then she tried to lift my dress--on the metro platform at L'Enfant--so she could see where the baby was.

[Anonymous]

Not a G/L parent, but I have a 5 year old stepson and we're trying to explain the whole pregnancy thing too...

One small observation - I've found that the reason why he asks how it got in there is because he's incredulous something as big as a baby could get inside me. So explaining that it started out very small, like a grain of rice, and then it grows bigger, seemed to do the trick.

I still have a few months to go, so we'll see if that explanation suffices for a little while....

[Anonymous]

What's worst than having to explain it to our DC, is being questioned by complete strangers or co-workers about how we, as two women, managed it. Complete strangers think they have the right to ask about our process, the donor, and the costs involved. Straight women get irritated all the time by people touching their bellies but having a co-worker question where you got your donor and why is just too much when you're suffering from morning sickness and too damned tired to be nice. Anyone else have these issues?

[Anonymous]

yes, it can be awkward. however, most of the time i don't mind at all. i've never been asked about the cost (i'm not sure what i'd say there). i've been asked a lot about the process by friends, co-workers, acquaintances (my son's barber! talk about awkward). i appreciate their curiosity and their interest. many of my friends are straight and they don't have that many gay friends with kids, so they don't know we do it. often they have a friend or family member who's thought about assisted reproduction and it's sort of rumbling around in their heads. i think it's cool that they're open to understanding who we are and how we make our families. reading an article in a magazine or watching oprah isn't the same thing as talking to a person you know.

sorry about the morning sickness.