How do you respond to, "Dad does/doesn't"?

[Anonymous]

Typical conversations with my teenagers: Me: "You should be getting exercise every day." Them: "Dad doesn't." Me: "You should eat a good breakfast every day. It is the most important meal." Them: "Dad doesn't." Me: "You need to eat fruits and vegetables." Them: "Dad doesn't." Me: "You shouldn't watch so much television." Them: "Dad does." Me: "Plenty of people don't drink every day." Them: "Dad does." (They're not drinking yet, as far as I know, but they say they are looking forward to it as a way to "relax.") I'm certainly not perfect, and I cringe when I see my kids emulating my own bad habits. But my husband's are health-related, and I'm afraid that if the kids pick them up now (they are boys, so he is the natural role model), they're headed for a life of being sedentary/fat/unhealthy. I don't think Dad is going to change, and I don't want to be a nag. What can I say to the kids that is not insulting him but gets the message across that they don't want to adopt that lifestyle? The best I have come up with so far is that he developed those habits a long time ago, and they are very hard to break. Any other suggestions?

[Anonymous]

What does your DH think about this?

[Anonymous]

Your boys are teenagers and they are doing what is completely developmentally appropriate -- looking to the primary man in their life for lessons on how to be a man.

They are coming back with "Dad doesn't" because your lessons aren't making sense with how they are hard wired. They are wired to follow HIS lead.

A message of "Don't be like the Alpha male in your life" is doomed to fail. There's no way you can compete.

[Anonymous]

"You're right. And it is probably too late for him to change his bad habits. I am trying to help you learn and follow good habits so that you will be able to enjoy your sons recalcitrant attitudes some day! I want you to be more David Beckam than Fred Flintstone when you are adults." Say it brightly with a smile.

[Anonymous]

Right on, PP!!

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old tried to use the same statements with me. I understand where he is coming from but I do tell him the following -

"When you are paying the bills you can..."

"When you are on your own you can...."

"When you are responsible for the mortgage you can leave your socks all over the house as you please....."

"When you are a paying for your own health insurance you can chose not to brush your teeth or take your asthma medication on a daily basis, but while in our house you'll have to take your meds..."

"I am not dad's mother so I am not responsible for teaching him to make the best choices possible...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You're right. And it is probably too late for him to change his bad habits. I am trying to help you learn and follow good habits so that you will be able to enjoy your sons recalcitrant attitudes some day! I want you to be more David Beckam than Fred Flintstone when you are adults." Say it brightly with a smile.

pp here, love love love this response!

[Anonymous]

"Your father is an adult, you are not."

[Anonymous]

"Your father helps pay the bills. You do not."

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be fat and out of shape like dad?

[Anonymous]

Maybe point out that what is appropriate for teens is not the same as what is appropriate for adults. Presumably your DH was not spending his teen years drinking and watching TV every day so might be useful to point that out too. And then I would encourage your DH to be just a little bit of a better role model.