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Parenting -- Special Concerns
How do I introduce gay couple?
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Anonymous
| I'm not sure if I am posting this in the correct place, and please forgive my ignorance in asking this question. My teenager has a teacher who is gay and in a long-term relationship with another man. I have invited the teacher and his partner to a social gathering that will include my child and some of my child's friends and a number of parents who do not know this teacher. I am not sure my child knows the teacher is gay, but I think I will explain to her in advance that "John" is attending with his partner, "Joe." What I am not sure is how I and my child should introduce the gay couple to the other adults and teens in the group. Do we say, "this is Jane's teacher, John, and his partner, Joe?" Or do we say, "this is Jane's teacher and his friend, Joe?" Or just, "these are our friends, John (who is Jane's teacher) and Joe" (although we have never met Joe)? Should I ask John in advance how he and Joe would ordinarily introduce themselves, or is that too personal? If it is relevant, I might add that I would not be surprised if some of the adults and particularly some of the teens in the group do not know any openly gay people. Thanks in advance for any advice. |
Anonymous
| I would say, "this is John (optionally mention that he is Jane's teacher) and this is Joe". They can decide if they want to elaborate on the nature of their relationship. |
Anonymous
| Or, "this is John and Joe. John is Jane's teacher." |
Anonymous
|
I'd say this is John and his partner Joe.
They live together, right? OP why doesn't your daughter get that her teacher is gay? Is it taboo? I'm curious. I've got a teen, I'd discuss it openly. |
Anonymous
| It is a little tricky if you don't know how "out" they are. I think John and his partner Joe is best, but I am out to everyone. John and Joe is next best. I hate being introduced as my partner's friend though. I have many friends and one partner or spouse. |
Anonymous
|
If they're attending a social event together, I'd say they're pretty "out."
OP, treat them like any other couple. If they're married, you introduce them as such. If not, how would you refer to a hetero couple in a committed relationship? Introduce them that way. Don't overthink this. |
Anonymous
| I would introduce them as Jane's teacher John and his partner Joe, unless you know that they are married. In which case, introduce them as Jane's teacher John and his husband, Joe. |
Anonymous
| Definitely do not refer to him as his friend. It is wrong and demeaning. I would introduce him as his partner, unless they wear wedding rings, in which case spouse or husband is more appropriate (even if they aren't technically married). |
Anonymous
| OP. You must live in VA. Don't deal with them any different. They are not. I'm surprised you have anything to do with this couple if you have the need to ask this question... |
Anonymous
Thanks for spoiling an otherwise helpful thread with a snooty response. Yes, I do live in VA, and there are no gay couples in my community. My current social circle consists chiefly of boring heterosexual suburban housewives like me. Although my current friends might be less hip than you, PP, they are not intolerant, and I am confident they would not be so quick to criticize someone for asking an honest question designed to avoid giving offense. Thank you to everyone else so far who has offered a helpful suggestion. There seems to be a difference of opinion, so perhaps I need to take my cues from the couple. To the poster who asked why my daughter does not "get" that the teacher is gay, why would she? I think my children know rather little about the personal lives of their teachers, coaches, tutors, and the other adults they see only a few hours a week for a specific, non-social purpose. If the teacher has said something that would give her reason to know about his relationship with another man, she didn't think it important enough to mention to me. |
Anonymous
OP, I gotta tell you Henry the teaching assistant in my 3rd grade class was gay. I knew it then circa 1983. I think your kid probably already knows. |
Anonymous
No need to be mean and rude. S/he ask for assistance. if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. AND I live in VA!!!! Don't be jealous because our good schools are free. |
Anonymous
And I see my typos! |
Anonymous
I had three gay teachers in HS. The two women were a couple. All the students knew it. My friends and I never talked about it with our parents because it didn't seem relevant and never came up in conversation with them. There just wasn't any reason to talk about it with our parents. |
Anonymous
| Please use partner. OP, talk to your daughter! She knows he's gay. Pretending you don't know she knows is part of the problem on a macro level. THIS IS THE REAL WORLD! THIS IS 2011! |