Books or resources for an anxious 7 yo boy

[Anonymous]

My 7 yo son is complaining about feeling anxious about his future. It's really bothering him. He says "the thoughts won't go away and
they make me very unhappy." He's waking every night.

He has an appointment with a therapist in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I was wondering if anyone else has had a child this young with
anxiety? If so, did therapy help him or her? What type of therapy/treatment/whatever? And does anyone have any book or website
recommendations that might be helpful?

Thanks so much for any info.

[Anonymous]

I was an anxious child about all kinds of things. Things that were beyond my years and things I should not have been worried about. No one did anything except tell me I shouldn't be concerned. Not helpful. What is he anxious about? Is he anxious about not being able to get a job because he sees so many people losing theirs -- a very real and understandable fear. Tell him that he can plan for a job that will be needed even during a recession. I have one and I thank god for it every day. Is he worried because so many people are losing their homes? Talk to him about financial responsibility and tell him flat out that people are losing their homes because they borrowed too much money and weren't financially sensible. And then explain how to decide how much to spend on a house and if you can't afford it, don't buy one. Is he worried about getting into a good college? Tell him the best college for him is the one where he is happy and learning and making friends no matter who has heard of it. Giving him basic information may help him to understand that a lot of what he may be worried about he can have some measure of control over. If he is worried because there is a war or 3 overseas and what if it comes here, tell him the wars concern you too. Have him write to your elected politicians. If he is worried about the natural disasters you see on the news, get prepared for them together. Basically, if he can tell you what he is concerned about, there is likely a way you can make him feel more in control about it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the advice. I certainly try to address any specific fears he articulates. It can be a challenge. This week he's worried about moving out for college (he's 7 years old!), and he's worried about a war starting in Syria, and more and more. It seems like once I talk to him about one thing something else pops up the next day. Thus the therapy appointment.

I think he is just plain an anxious person (as am I, and I've gotten help for it in the past). I'm looking for techniques that he can use to help himself when he starts to feel worried. Learning about the worry is one, and finding a way to feel more in control is another, thanks. (This is another challenge -- how do I find some way for him to be in control when he worries about conflict in other countries? Obviously I limit his exposure to the news, actually I try to avoid it all together. But he still manages to hear about stuff. )

He learned some relaxation techniques at school that have helped him. But I'm wondering if there is some kid's equivalent of cognitive behavior therapy or similar that he can use in the moment a worry pops up. Or maybe there's something I've never heard of that might help.

Anyway, thanks very much for your comment.

[Anonymous]

OP, my child is 9, but she is also anxious and that is about the age it really kicked in. Absolutely the therapist can use CBT with him. It's been a godsend for my DD.

I highly recommend these books for lots of helpful tools and techniques.

Anxiety Free Kids: http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Free-Kids-Interactive-Parents-Children/dp/1593633432/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309864946&sr=8-1
Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: http://www.amazon.com/Freeing-Your-Child-Anxiety-Practical/dp/0767914929/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_c
What to do When You Worry too Much: http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144/ref=pd_sim_b_1

The last book is meant as a workbook to do with your child, but I actually chose NOT to do that, because I was afraid it would actually give her more things to worry about!

One thing I took away from the books was not to feed the worries by dwelling on them. In some ways, addressing the worries directly gives them more power. It can send the unintended message to the kid "Wow, if mom if really talking about this with me, it much really be something to worry about!"

Some things that have helped my child:

1) Having a set time limit to talk about worries (say, 10 minutes) and then when the time is up, no more talk. Say you can talk about it again tomorrow. This gives the kid space to get things out, but yet does not allow the kid to dwell on them and teaches them to set a time limit on the "worry talk".
2) Limit exposure to ALL TV news and most radio news.
3) Give them hard exercise every day.
4) For night time you can try a kid's relaxation CD. There are many, but my DD likes Indigo Ocean Dreams and Indigo Dreams.

http://www.amazon.com/Indigo-Dreams-Relaxation-Management-Children/dp/0970863349/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1309865419&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Indigo-Ocean-Dreams-Self-Esteem-Self-Awareness/dp/0970863365/ref=pd_sim_b_1

5) I also explicitly tell my DD when things are NOT in her control and are "grown-up worries" not kid worries. Part of her issue is that she tries to worry about things out of her control. It is actually helpful to her to know that these are things she is NOT supposed to worry about.

6) It is also really important not to model worry thoughts and behaviors for kids. I realize more and more how much of this she picks up from me and my own attitudes and the negative talk that I am prone to when I am not careful.

[Anonymous]

CBT also helped my daughter. She saw the therapist around her ninth birthday, maybe a little before.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, so much detailed advice. I'll head off to amazon. The 10 minutes to worry plan sounds excellent. And the reminder to be vigilant about my own behavior. I probably do express my own worries too much. You've given me a lot to work with, thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are in MoCo (or even if not), you may find this helpful:

http://pepparent.org/workshop.html#hadc