What’s it like when your grandparents have 10,20,30 + grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

I’m 20 of 20. My grandparents were pretty old by the time I came around and very old fashioned. We always had to get dressed up to see them and be on our best behavior, so they were loving but not doting and presents from them were scarce.

Most of my cousins are 10-20 years older and, at my grandfather’s funeral they told stories of playing football with him and having fun with him at my dad’s childhood home where they would all gather. I only knew them as 90/100 year olds who lived in an apartment. And, I don’t get the sense that my grandmother was ever fun or doting.

[Anonymous]

My Dad had a family of 12 and my Mother was an only child ... they had 8 children. My parents had 32 grandchildren at the time of their deaths and I can't even begin to count how many cousins I have, but I can say we are a very estranged family with almost no contact at all. A few of the grandchildren were in close proximity to my parents and they seemed to dote on them and that sibling and it was very clear who the favorites were, as it was in my immediate family. Neither of my parents had a clue on how to weave together a tight knit family that would span the generations. I miss my parents everyday (even though I was not in favorite category) but I literally know nothing about my siblings and their extended family. At some point I guess the drama and craziness from such a large family just destroyed any connection that existed. Sad, but you have to be able to create a strong family unit and my parents did not have a clue what they were getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is one of 13 and there are 20+ grandkids. We don’t even know all our cousins. My grandparents were always nice but we weren’t close and I didn’t feel particular affection towards them. We were super close to my other grandparents who only had four grandkids. They knew us well and were very involved in our lives.

I have that situation with 20+ but on both sides. I didn't really have a relationship with either set of grandparents. My dad's mom visited more, so that was something, but I was also one of four so even that was not particularly quality time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad had a family of 12 and my Mother was an only child ... they had 8 children. My parents had 32 grandchildren at the time of their deaths and I can't even begin to count how many cousins I have, but I can say we are a very estranged family with almost no contact at all. A few of the grandchildren were in close proximity to my parents and they seemed to dote on them and that sibling and it was very clear who the favorites were, as it was in my immediate family. Neither of my parents had a clue on how to weave together a tight knit family that would span the generations. I miss my parents everyday (even though I was not in favorite category) but I literally know nothing about my siblings and their extended family. At some point I guess the drama and craziness from such a large family just destroyed any connection that existed. Sad, but you have to be able to create a strong family unit and my parents did not have a clue what they were getting into.

22:34 and yes to this. There was just no intimacy in my family-- I don't feel like anyone in my family (parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents) ever really knew me. No close relationships now. I stay connected to my parents and have worked hard to make sure my kids have a meaningful relationship with them. But I never even see my siblings. For many years I would travel to see them at least once, but they never reciprocated and didn't even seem to care when I visited. Eventually I dropped that rope.

[Anonymous]

I had about 15 cousins on one side and about the same on the other. I had no meaningful relationship with any grandparent.

[Anonymous]

I had 15 cousins. I definitely had a good relationship with my grandparents. On one side I was the kid of their daughter and on the other side I was the only girl (there were 5 grandkids there). It was wonderful. My grandparents had time for us all.

[Anonymous]

My mom had over 40 first cousins on one side. I’ll ask her. Her grandparents had 13 kids.

She has fond memories of aunts, cousins and her grandma. There’s less attention from grandparents sure, but she had an aunt that really doted on her.

[Anonymous]

My mom has more than 30 grand and great grandchildren. She has very little or not relationship with most of them. I think there are 5-6 she has any sort of relationship with and a couple of them are more of the work horse type—help with moving stuff and so forth. I guess some of my cousins would say the same about my grandmother but that was due to proximity of the family’s and not her personality.

[Anonymous]

Less pressure on each grnsdkid to support grandparents all the time.

[Anonymous]

Irish Catholic Family in the Midwest-

My dad is #11 of 16 kids, all from the same parents. There are 44 first cousins, half of us grew up in the same small mid-west town, and went to the same Catholic school. My relationships with my cousins were great. We had wonderful holidays, birthdays, etc. Now that we are all adults, we are not super close. I always felt loved by my grandparents, but they certainly didn't spend a lot of one on one time with any of us.

My mom is #1 of 7 kids. There are 16 first cousins. We were the oldest of the grandkids, and lived a few blocks away from my grandparents. The family is closer, and my grandma and I are very close. Some of my cousins on that side are 10-20 years younger than me. None of the cousins on this side went to Catholic school with us, but all but 3 were in the same small town. I'd say I am much closer to my grandparents than my younger cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always been curious if people feel their relationships with their grandparents were less connected due to the number of grandchildren splitting their attention.

My husband is Arab and one of 9. His parents easily had 30+ grandchildren. The way it worked was that they were closer to some of their children than others, and the kids of those kids got more of their time and attention. Just like anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother had over 30 grandchildren and she loved me and knew me as well as I could have hoped.