Appropriate cocktail party conversation

[Anonymous]

I will attend a work-related cocktail party soon and in the past I have always dreaded this a little. To be honest, I enjoy the food and drink but I never know what to say to others. I want to be witty and smart! Yet I feel drowned out and people pass other me (probably because I am not a person of power or status). I also feel it happens to me that people talk to me while glancing throught the room and walk away from the conversation without a graceful exit comment. It has gotten to the point where I cut off the conversation because I don't want to be the one left standing. It is sad! Anyway, does anybody have any tips on how to move through these events more successfully?

[Anonymous]

Trying to be witty and smart rarely works.

If you want people to enjoy talking with you, get them to talk about themselves. Ask them questions about where they work, where they are from, if they have kids, etc.

Eventually you will come across something that you have in common, and then you 'll be witty and smart without having to try!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP- it's amazing how many people leave a conversation thinking the other person was so nice and personable when the person was mostly asking them questions! It makes someone feel like the other cares and is personal.. Try asking (if you don't know)if heyhave kids- you might be sharing stories.. or about teh food might lead to a passion for cooking (only if you have one too).. good luck and have fun!

[zumbamama]

I agree...asking questions is a great way to start a conversation or change subjects. Make a mental list of things you could talk about, a show you saw, a book you read, comment on the music playing or art/photography on the wall. Sometimes you'll run into the non-talkers who appear not to be interested in anwering or speaking anything more than a couple words. If the conversation is going nowhere I say, I'm really thirsty...I'm going to go grab a drink. Or, there's my colleague, excuse me, I need to go say hi. It also helps if you have a friend who can "save" you from the dead conversations. My friend signal each other with our eyebrows when we need a distraction.

[Anonymous]

There are a bunch of books on this topic. Search Amazon for small talk and find a book that has some decent reviews.

I too also tend to ask a lot of questions, people LOVE to talk about themselves. Sometimes when I know I may end up in a socially uncomfortable situation I think ahead of time of talking points or a story that I can relay. I kind of put together a mental outline of how to keep the conversation going.

If you have a bit of social shyness, I would strongly suggest joining a Toastmasters club or taking a stand up comedy class at the Improv in DC. Here is a link http://www.dcimprov.com/college/classes.htm

[Anonymous]

I always make sure to read a newpaper (or two!) the day I'll need to make small talk. Current events are always appropriate cocktail party talk, and if the other person is not aware of the story you've read but seems interested, you can fill them in.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the earlier advice about asking questions and drawing people out. It works every time -- people really walk away feeling good about people who are (seem) interested in them.

You might want to take a few minutes before the event to think about who you might talk with and what types of questions would be a good fit for them. Few people are naturals in these settings -- most of us who seem to be good at it actually prepare a bit beforehand.

As for topics, some people really do want to talk about their family at work functions, and if you think that's true for your group, go for it. But in my old office, that would actually have been a mistake. People were very focused on their work, and it would have been non-professional in that setting to ask much about people's kids. So I stuck with work topics and often asked, "What's keeping you busy these days?" or "Working on anything interesting lately?" to get conversation going with people in different departments. From there, I asked more questions about whatever they shared, always focused on the positive!! ("What's the best part about working with that client?" or "That deal sounds interesting -- what was the best part for you?")

If all else fails, you can always ask about travel, "Got any interesting trips coming up this summer?" and then make it a game by asking follow up questions to drill down deeper on whatever people say. Do NOT try to sound witty or funny -- that usually backfires big time as people can tell when we're trying too hard.

As for people looking around when talking with you or leaving the conversation without a polite comment, I just chalk it up to other people's social awkwardness. While you may feel like they're slighting you personally, it's more likely they are just as uncomfortable in these situations as you are. Even the people who look on the outiside like "naturals" with cocktail party chatter are often a bit anxious or uncomfortable on the inside.

One last tip -- if you feel like you're not sure who to talk to, go up to someone who is standing by themself. They'll usually be grateful, and it's much easier than breaking into a group.

Good luck and try to have fun!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will attend a work-related cocktail party soon and in the past I have always dreaded this a little. To be honest, I enjoy the food and drink but I never know what to say to others. I want to be witty and smart! Yet I feel drowned out and people pass other me (probably because I am not a person of power or status). I also feel it happens to me that people talk to me while glancing throught the room and walk away from the conversation without a graceful exit comment. It has gotten to the point where I cut off the conversation because I don't want to be the one left standing. It is sad! Anyway, does anybody have any tips on how to move through these events more successfully?

I'm probably one of those exiting without a graceful comment. Sorry. I just like "making the rounds," and while I may be well versed enough in the small talk aspect, I've never mastered the graceful exit.

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but please posters include in your response to OP any helpful hints on The Exit.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

One graceful exit remark (well tell me if I am wrong) that I make is "I don't want to take too much of your time. It was nice talking to you, enjoy the evening (etc.)"

I really like the comment about reading a newspaper or two that day. Previously I did not do that and then only remembered snippets from story I read before. Then I ran into the situation where the person became interested and wanted to know more and I felt like a stumbling idiot because my memory was not fresh.