Giving kid ride home

[Anonymous]

I have a tween. Kid has a friend and parents asked if we could give kid a ride home 1x a week. It is near, not too inconvenient. The family has a lot of kids and a lot going on. They do not give my kid rides.

Now kid and friend go back and forth, sometimes they’re friends now it’s more that they argue. Kid is flip flopping, sometimes asks if we can stop giving kid ride, other times happy to share ride. It is very stressful for me to be in the car with the arguing.

Would you stop giving ride now, or push through another month to the end of school.

[Anonymous]

Been here.
Stop the rides.

[Anonymous]

I’d likely push through but not start again next year. Honestly except when it’s a carpool deal, I hate committing to a regular ride for someone. I drive kids all the time but for each kid it’s occasional.

[Anonymous]

First thing I'd try is telling the kids the ground rules for the car. Set some rules! It's your car! And at least one of them is your kid!

[Anonymous]

Also been there.
I’d push through, but ONLY if the parents were appreciative. I wouldn’t want to leave a parent in a bind or a kid in the lurch. Also, if it was a year-long commitment, it’s good to show your teen that you follow through, and learning to deal with people that are difficult will be a part of life. He can sit up front and keep his mouth shut. You can also tell the other boy that there will be no more talking during these rides. Advise him to bring headphones, or whatever. Your son, too. But ONLY if the parents are appreciative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been here.
Stop the rides.

+1. Just tell the parents your schedule changed, and you can't give rides anymore.

[Anonymous]

Of course, finish the year out. It's nice of you to do and your kid won't be worse for the wear because he had a few uncomfortable/unpleasant ride homes. The other parents likely don't realize the arguing dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Set guidelines, which my folks had to do with us, their four children who fought ALL THE TIME over who got to sit next to the window; who could sit in the front seat, or 'way back, or "his leg touched me and it's sweaty!" Ah, memories.
1. Music only, no talking. Either you choose the radio station (C-SPAN if you're in a really bad mood) or each of them can choose one song and you go back and forth.
2. Bring a donut a piece and if they can get through the WHOLE RIDE without talking (or arguing), they each get a donut. Or, depending on moods and your car route, you could offer to stop at a donut or ice cream place to reward good behavior. Since there's only a month left, you could carry this through and end on a sweet note.
3. Ask your child for suggestions.
Good luck, OP. Thank you for driving the other kid home--I'm a working mom and my office moved to Virginia (pre-COVID) and drivers like you saved my life.

[Anonymous]

Finish the year.

And don’t allow arguing in your car. Hand out snacks; play car games; put on music. You can stop the arguing. Feel free to treat the other kid like you would your own - no worse, but no better either.

[Anonymous]

I was on the other end of this once. I was grateful the mom approached me about the behavior before just dropping us! My kid was being totally annoying and I would have had no clue. I made sure to put him in line immediately and had him apologize profusely (I did the same!) Her giving him a ride helped me during a really difficult time and I am still so thankful to her!

All that to say, maybe talk to the mom.

[Anonymous]

I'd push through since it's only a month, but feel extremely free to tell them to stop arguing in your car. A simple "quiet down back there" should do it.

[Anonymous]

It's a month. Keep giving the rides. We're probably only talking about 3-5 more rides?

But also, its your car. Tell them no arguing, no yelling, no fighting.

Tell them to knock it off

[Anonymous]

It’s once a week, I would continue.
Tell your kid you hope that if you were in a bind you would appreciate someone doing the same for you. Kids don’t have to be besties to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

You should not have agreed to this to begin with. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Finish the year.

And don’t allow arguing in your car. Hand out snacks; play car games; put on music. You can stop the arguing. Feel free to treat the other kid like you would your own - no worse, but no better either.

These are tweens, not toddlers.

OP, tell them no arguing, and to shut up if need be. Finish the year, and don't begin again next year.