Conservative bi Teen

[Anonymous]

My teen son (16) has come out as bi to me, mom. Nothing ever indicated he was interested in boys so I am very surprised.

At the same age my oldest son was super into girls and so were his group of friends. He went to prom, dates, homecoming every year and had the occasional girlfriend.

My bi son has stuck to a group of friends from Elementary school who rather play video games and sports than date. Our school has a LGBTQIA Club and from what I have seen, many kids who are openly gay, 2 trans and quite a few lesbians teens.

My son, who is very quiet, has no interest in coming out and/or being part of the LGTBQIA community at his school at all. He says he doesn't fit with them. He finds confusing why guys want to look/act like girls and girls who want to look like boys. (his words)

Again, he's very quiet and doesn't really want to talk about it. Should I just let it go? I feel he has so much learning to do being bi (or gay) and social media can be so confusing and stereotypical nowadays.

Any tips from "conservative" bi's?

[Anonymous]

Let it go college will make more sense.

Perhaps he can reevaluate the way he thinks about the world.

[Anonymous]

As he gets into the world he will see that there are a million ways to identify. I am a lesbian who doesn't fit any stereotype. I don't like sports, I am not handy, I am not really femme or butch, I don't go to gay bars/drag shows, I have 2 kids. I mostly hang out with suburban straight moms at the soccer fields.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to hound him about it. Just be supportive of him in general and listen if he wants to talk about it. Most of us are confused about why other people do the things they do, especially at that age. He’ll learn to respect differences as he gets older (hopefully).

[Anonymous]

Gay 46 year old man here.

First, let him figure this out in his own. There is a lot to unpack here but he will sort his way through it.

Your son is coming out in a different world tha. Existed when we were his age. And fortunately he is ignorant to how much the world changed in the last 25 years. He doesn’t know a world where literally most people disapprove of your lifestyle and most people literally vote to ensure that you don’t have equal rights and he doesn’t live in a world where he is legally lesser than others.

Trans men and women are very different than gay men and lesbians but we share a heritage of being oppressed in society. Our struggles are largely different but we shared our safe spaces. The politics between the groups are complicated. Those who are trans are minority of our minority and they largely feel that we gay men and lesbians abandoned them in accepting rights for ourselves knowingly leaving them behind. And it is a fair criticism. It’s exactly what we did. I don’t regret it for a moment. We were the larger group and we didn’t want to wait another year or 10 or 50 for us to receive equality. And it is why I believe so strongly in trans rights today.

But your son doesn’t get that because he didn’t struggle. And I don’t regret that either. But in him not struggling he has lost something that united lgbt people for decades.

Learning the history of our people is a journey he will take without you. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

And for what it is worth and I’m sure there will be some naysers in here, almost invariably your son is gay and not bi. So don’t be unprepared if/when he shares that news with you in the future.

[Anonymous]

I’m bi. I’m a centrist and am also puzzled by more fringe elements that have ended up under the LGBT (etc etc etc) umbrella. Are you suggesting gay people/queer people are only allowed to have one shared worldview that is equally progressive and “woke”? That’s as offensive as suggesting all black people are naturally Democrats.

[Anonymous]

I suppose I can be described as a conservative gay man if because the progressives are so far out there that I can't honestly share the same label as them.

If your teen son is saying he's bi, odds are good it's a step to actually acknowledging he's gay. In short, don't expect girlfriends in the future. Hey, could be wrong, but that's the pattern. It's rare for self-declared bi male teens to genuinely be bi. Does happen.

As you can infer from the two PPs, there's cultural and political divides in our society and gays and lesbians are not excluded from it either. I don't think or call myself "queer" nor do I share any real commonality with those who live and die by the alphabet+ and I am unsympathetic of the activists and their quasi-totalitarian outlook on sex and gender ideologies. I'm only mentioning all this to emphasize that gay people come in all stripes with all types of views rather than the monolithic purple haired Sam Brintons that some would like you think is the one and only acceptable gay personality there is.

Seems like your kid has his views and let him be. He'll be fine. There's no shortage of gay conservatives.

[Anonymous]

Echoing the PPs that there’s no one right way to be bi (or any other identity). I share a lot of politics with the purple-haired “leftist fringe” and have tons of loud activist friends but I’m pretty sure most of my kids’ friends think I’m straight unless I go out of my way to mention that I’m not which I mostly don’t unless my wife comes up in conversation or something. Your son sounds fine — feel free to reassure him that there’s a wide swath of the LGBTQ+ community that looks “normal” if he needs it (consider the Buttigiegs) but also he’s at an age where he may want and need to navigate this stuff himself. Come out when you’re ready to who you feel like coming out to is still real and valid advice and it speaks well of your relationship that he wanted to come out to you even if he doesn’t feel like making a big deal of it publicly.

[Anonymous]

He’s just teasing out the gay thing, slowly

[Anonymous]

Why was the post about Andrew Sullivan deleted? He made very good points about the meaningless of custering too many different groups under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. It was relevant to OP trying to understand why her son doesn't see fellowship in the school LGBTQIA group.

[Anonymous]

https://www.reddit.com/r/LeopardsAteMyFace/

seems like a great place for him. I'm sure he's different though and the conservatives he wants to be friends with would never turn on him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was the post about Andrew Sullivan deleted? He made very good points about the meaningless of custering too many different groups under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. It was relevant to OP trying to understand why her son doesn't see fellowship in the school LGBTQIA group.

As a person who reported that post — it was honestly the style of writing (gay and transgender are not nouns!) and the exclusionary principles espoused that offended me. This forum is explicitly a non-transphobic space. Not sure if I was the only one though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was the post about Andrew Sullivan deleted? He made very good points about the meaningless of custering too many different groups under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. It was relevant to OP trying to understand why her son doesn't see fellowship in the school LGBTQIA group.

Because people on this board have trigger fingers for reporting any posts that question any part of the reigning ideology. I love Andrew Sullivan and my lesbian daughter has similar concerns, one among them being the social pressure she gets for not wanting to confirm to certain gendered stereotypes.

I like to think that this push-back will moving us to a positive sea-change, one where the rights of everyone under the umbrella can be protected and respected and not at the expense of others.