Can I change Bar Mitzvah RSVP 2 days before?

[Anonymous]

DS was planning to attend and miss his soccer game, but now they are short on players and he really needs to go. He was planning to attend just the afternoon celebration which will be at farm. So not a super-fancy sit down dinner. Is it extremely rude to change the RSVP? Not a close friend of his. I know kids invite lots of friends and classmates and I doubt he would be missed, but I also appreciate that numbers are given to venues well in advance.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is extremely rude. If everyone else did that the day before it would be quite problematic. I totally understand the predicament you find yourself in, and I understand things happen. I empathize with the situation completely. But he made a choice, which was to RSVP yes, and at this late stage, the moral and ethically right thing to do is stick with the choice he made. I know you think he’s just one guest who won’t specifically be missed, but his catering and everything else has already been paid for. If he had discovered this even a week ago it would’ve been more ok. It would be a different thing if he had an emergency illness or situation but this is not that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they have to pay per person.

[Anonymous]

It would be extremely rude to change the rsvp 2 days before. Signed, a mom who has hosted bar/bat mitzvahs

[Anonymous]

OP: Thank you all so much for your honest feedback. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. He will stick with the Bar Mitzvah!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is extremely rude. If everyone else did that the day before it would be quite problematic. I totally understand the predicament you find yourself in, and I understand things happen. I empathize with the situation completely. But he made a choice, which was to RSVP yes, and at this late stage, the moral and ethically right thing to do is stick with the choice he made. I know you think he’s just one guest who won’t specifically be missed, but his catering and everything else has already been paid for. If he had discovered this even a week ago it would’ve been more ok. It would be a different thing if he had an emergency illness or situation but this is not that.

Just send in the $500 to cover his meal and nobody will give a flip.

[Anonymous]

Probably too late to help you now, OP, but this always - always! - happens, especially with the kid rsvp’s, so I would have understood as the parent of the bar mitzvah kid.

[Anonymous]

This is all crap. It's nbd, just let the family know, and don't disappoint the other 10 kids on the soccer team, not to mention their 11 opponents. No one cares if your kid is there or not

Jewish mom who has hosted 3 mitzvahs over the years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is extremely rude. If everyone else did that the day before it would be quite problematic. I totally understand the predicament you find yourself in, and I understand things happen. I empathize with the situation completely. But he made a choice, which was to RSVP yes, and at this late stage, the moral and ethically right thing to do is stick with the choice he made. I know you think he’s just one guest who won’t specifically be missed, but his catering and everything else has already been paid for. If he had discovered this even a week ago it would’ve been more ok. It would be a different thing if he had an emergency illness or situation but this is not that.

Just send in the $500 to cover his meal and nobody will give a flip.

What are they serving, gold flakes?

[Anonymous]

Don't change and have your kid go. I think you can teach an important lesson to your kid here: if you accept an invitation then you don't cancel because something else came up. RSVP'ing yes is a commitment to attend. A bar mitzvah is a one-time event, there are many soccer games. You only cancel because of an emergency and soccer is not that.

[Anonymous]

Is this the party or the ceremony or both? Yes it would be rude, but it’s not the end of the world obviously.
2 days before, she had already paid for your kid.
-just hosted a bar mitzvah

[Anonymous]

Yes you are rude and being anti-Semitic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are rude and being anti-Semitic

Bull! Soccer is a team and when your child is a part of a team then that takes precedent over any kind of party. Are you anti Christian if a Jewish or Muslim child cancels attendance at a Catholic child's birthday party. Ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

So why is the soccer team short players? Others who had signed up did not commit. So why is it this players responsibility - but no one else bears the burden?

[Anonymous]

You should never have planned to miss a soccer game.